Dr. Nicole LePera

You may be living in the past without even realizing it.

Throughout each of our lives, we go through situations that are hard and traumatic, whether it’s losing a loved one, experiencing abuse, or facing rejection. Often, these challenging times are etched into our psyche. They inform everything we do, from the jobs we accept to the relationships we create.

Our past is important — we can learn valuable lessons, develop strength of character, and experience growth. But our past is not our future. No matter what you’ve experienced, your past does not have to determine the course of your life.

Are you letting it? Do memories keep haunting your present? Do you feel stuck in a negative thought loop of limiting beliefs that keep you from pursuing your full potential?

First of all, you aren’t alone. We have all let our past influence us in some way or another, but the important thing is that we realize it does not have to control us. We can break those cycles of negative thoughts, limiting beliefs, and painful memories and create a brighter, better future for ourselves.

And today, I’ve got the perfect guest to walk us through that process. Please welcome Dr. Nicole LePera back to The School of Greatness!

In this episode, we discuss the importance of knowing the five main archetypes of human behavior and how they affect our lives as adults. We also take a dive deep into the power of thoughts and how to heal them. Lastly, Dr. Nicole shares her insights on beliefs and how one can transform them into something empowering. 

So if you’re ready to create a better life for yourself, let’s dive in!

Who Is Dr. Nicole LePera?

Dr. Nicole LePera is a Holistic Psychologist who believes that mental wellness is for everyone. She evolved her more traditional training from Cornell University and The New School to one that acknowledges the connection between the mind and body. Dr. Nicole founded the Mindful Healing Center in Center City, Philadelphia, where she works with individuals, couples, and families. She takes gut health, sleep, movement, cellular health, belief, and mindfulness into account for treatment plans.

Dr. Nicole views mental and physical struggles from a whole-person perspective and works to identify the underlying physical and emotional causes of pain. She understands that balance is an integral part of wellness, and she empowers individuals to heal themselves, supporting them on their wellness journeys.

Dr. Nicole created the SelfHealers Circle to allow people to go on their journeys and create who they want to become. Dr. Nicole lives in Los Angeles, California, and loves anywhere that involves the stillness (and quiet) of nature.

I was honored to have her return to The School of Greatness! I’ve interviewed her twice before, on Episode #844 and Episode #932, and each time I’m blown away by her wisdom. Today, I’m excited to share more of her insights on healing your painful memories, thoughts, and beliefs to create a better future with you all!

Getting to Know Your Inner Child Archetypes

By the time that we’re adults, we have already developed mechanisms that helped us cope with painful memories and experiences as children. These mechanisms allowed us to deal with things that are too overwhelming, such as the feelings of wanting to be seen, heard, and acknowledged. Unfortunately, these coping mechanisms only worked like an onion, burying all these painful memories in one layer after another.

Eventually, these painful memories and feelings would resurface through negative thoughts and self-doubts. These nagging thoughts make us feel that what we offer isn’t enough to the world. Dr. Nicole calls these critical voices our “inner child archetypes.” One of the most popular is the Overachiever Archetype, which she describes as holding oneself to unachievable standards.

“This consistent need to achieve doesn’t only apply to achievements in school or at work. It can also be in relationships, which is usually manifested by not wanting to disappoint the [people] we love. It’s just there, ready to judge if one hasn’t lived up to that expectation at any moment.” – Dr. Nicole LePera

But aside from the Overachiever Archetype, Dr. Nicole also mentioned other different kinds of archetypes. There’s the Caretaker, the Yes Person, the Hero Worshipper, and the Life of the Party Archetype, among many others. According to her, these archetypes are patterns conditioned around our painful experiences as children. 

Another thing Dr. Nicole mentioned is that some of us might see ourselves falling under one archetype, but others can also see the evidence of different archetypes within themselves. She even shared a personal experience on how her predominant archetype manifests now that she’s an adult.

“My inner archetype is I’m an Overachiever, so I usually get agitated and stressed with one negative review about my work. But my archetype also taught me how to deal with it. I disassociate. I distract myself. I do all of the things I know so I’ll be able to continue with my life.” – Dr. Nicole LePera

The thing is, the type of archetype we have ultimately affects how we are as adults and what we bring to our relationships. It also determines how we connect with other people outside ourselves. It could even be the reason why some of us stay in toxic and bad relationships, or why some of us put ourselves in harmful situations. Dr. Nicole said that our archetype provides us with a sense of familiarity because we know that it’s a scarier place to be without it.

“Our subconscious works on the familiarity principle because according to our subconscious, the path that we’ve walked once is more knowable than the path that’s unknown to us. … So even if it means a toxic or a bad relationship, that is all the definition of love or connection we’ve ever had. That’s the only definition we could give to ourselves on what a relationship should be. It’s not necessarily authentic, healthy, and safe, but because it’s all we know, we base our relationships on these earliest patterns. It’s true even when they aren’t the exact relationships we’re seeking or that would fulfill us.” – Dr. Nicole LePera

To heal and regain freedom from these painful memories, Dr. Nicole emphasized the importance of awareness. 

Reparenting Our Inner Child

She believes that getting to know and acknowledging that you have harmful patterns resulting from past experiences is the beginning of the healing process. 

“As children, we weren’t given such a choice, and we just started wearing these masks because our full self isn’t being expressed. But as adults, we can now show up and make new choices so we can learn a new way of being. Once that we’re aware of our archetypes, cultivating new responses is ultimately the next step. This part of the process can allow me to show a new part of myself that allows me to cultivate my full self-expression overtime.” – Dr. Nicole LePera

Dr. Nicole also pointed out that as adults, we are now able to offer an alternate narrative as opposed to the thinking of “I’m broken” or “I’m unlovable” or “There’s something wrong with me.” This leads to the next stage of healing which is called reparenting. But how does someone, as an adult, learn to re-parent themselves? Does it mean connecting to our five-year-old self? Is it a daily practice of connecting to something within ourselves? Dr. Nicole explained it perfectly:

“We carry our inner child with us in many different ways. How our physical needs are identified and met in adulthood is typically a reflection of how they were once met in childhood. Even the way we tend to our emotions in adulthood is a direct reflection of how we were tended to as kids or the coping tools were even available to us at one time in one place. Because of this, we usually end up being very disconnected from our own needs, whether physically or emotionally.” – Dr. Nicole LePera

To start with reparenting, Dr. Nicole talked about the importance of making space for ourselves and other people. She believes that the space we set is a helpful tool to enable ourselves to reflect and set our own boundaries so we can depersonalize our experience.

I believe in this too!  It’s our responsibility to create the boundaries that we need so that we can understand ourselves better. In this way, we can also have the energy and the emotional maturity to manage opportunities, stress, or overwhelming problems. 

Dr. Nicole further explained why space matters in the work of reparenting:

“To do the work of reparenting, we need to witness ourselves in adulthood. We need to acknowledge our physical needs, our emotional climate, and our ability to create new habits. The last aspect is the focus of what reparenting is creating new habits and patterns in any of these areas — physical, emotional, or spiritual — to better serve you.” – Dr. Nicole Lepera

Again, it’s only by acknowledging our patterns and working on changing them that we can heal our painful experiences.