Marie Forleo

Male Announcer: This is episode number 847 with Marie Forleo.

Lewis Howes: Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur and each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

[background music]

Lewis Howes: Charles Schulz said, “There is no heavier burden than an unfulfilled potential.”

Uh, potential is something we talked about all the time. It’s something we all have, and we can never truly reach. We can always grow into our potential but then there’s more untapped potential. So that’s why life is a constant growing learning experience. And I was so excited to dive into this topic with Marie Forleo, who is been a friend of mine for a long time. She’s an entrepreneur, writer, and philanthropist who has created a socially conscious digital empire that touches millions.

She’s got an award-winning show MarieTV, world class online training programs and has helped people dream big and take meaningful action to create results. She has been invited by Sir Richard Branson, mentor young entrepreneurs at his Center for Entrepreneurship in South Africa. She was featured as a thought leader on Oprah’s SuperSoul Sunday, and was interviewed by Tony Robbins as part of his new Money Masters DVD training program.

She’s got a new book out, “Everything is Figureoutable” it’s out right now. So make sure you check the book out, “Everything is Figureoutable.”

In this interview, we talked about the non-negotiable ways Marie has scaled back work both personally and in the company to refresh relationships and boost creativity. How many people work in fear and are therefore disengaged from their work? While having real honest conversations with your partner is incredibly important to sustain the relationship. How to tap into your unused wisdom and talents? And the powerful lesson Marie learned from her father about taking care of people.

Super excited about this. Make sure to share it with a friend, text a friend today who you think might be interested in this episode. Be a Hero in someone’s life, posted on social media, tag me and @marieforleo as well. So I’m sure she’d love to hear your thoughts about what you learned in this interview.

But before we dive in, big thank you for our sponsor today, ZipRecruiter. I want to share a story with you about this. There’s a cafe out there called Cafe Altura, and the COO, Dillion Moscovitz, needed to hire a director of coffee for his organic coffee company. But he was having trouble finding qualified applicants just like so many people do. I’ve done this as well. So he switched to ZipRecruiter.com.

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Big thank you to our sponsors today and without further ado, let’s dive into this episode with the one and only Marie Forleo.

[background music]

Lewis Howes: Welcome back everyone to The School of Greatness Podcast. We’ve got the inspiring Marie Forleo in the house. Pumped that you are here.

Marie Forleo: Yehey!

Lewis Howes: Very excited. I think I had you on maybe three years ago, I think.

Marie Forleo: I think it might have been longer in that one.

Lewis Howes: Three? Three and a half? Four? Lives in New York?

Marie Forleo: Yeah, we’ve known each other for so long. Thank you by the way for having me on.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, excited. I think we’ve known you for a decade.

Marie Forleo: Yes.

Lewis Howes: 2010, 2009 somewhere around there.

Marie Forleo: Yes.

Lewis Howes: When I moved to New York, I think I met you.

Marie Forleo: Totally.

Lewis Howes: Very quickly after that.

Marie Forleo: I remember some of your earlier apartments and we would do, remember like we would do like master meetings.

Lewis Howes: Yes.

Marie Forleo: We have all these meals.

Lewis Howes: Yes.

Marie Forleo: I remember you and I had some great meals together at Aria.

Lewis Howes: Aria…

Marie Forleo: The little it’s hot member, little tiny place in the West Village.

Lewis Howes: We do that solo or do we do that with the group at the master members?

Marie Forleo: No, I mean mastermind group we’ve done like Japanese places.

Lewis Howes: Different places, yes.

Marie Forleo: But you and I would go… like and we just like dig into all these, yes.

Lewis Howes: Yes, yes. It’s amazing. Good times. Ten years crazy. How it seems to me like so much has happened but it’s gone by so fast for 10 years.

Marie Forleo: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: For both of us. What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned in the last decade for you?

Marie Forleo: That things – first of all keep getting better.

Lewis Howes: Umm.

Marie Forleo: I think in our society, especially as for at least two, you know, as you get older, at least in my family, there was a lot of kind of cultural expectations like oh, over this age, it kind of starts going down or you know what I mean? You’re kind of – you peak when you’re young and that’s when all the good stuff happens. And for me, I feel like it keeps getting better. And I love that the best years are still ahead of me. And that all the stuff that I’ve been through, there’s like all of these exciting new possibilities. So that’s one of the biggest lessons.

And I think the other one is that I don’t have to stress as hard. As a human being, I have a really strong work ethic.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: But I also tend to put a lot of pressure myself. And the other lesson I’ve learned is that I don’t need to do that that the work actually gets done more joyfully and more creatively.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: If I don’t add on that additional layer of pressure and stress.

Lewis Howes: Why do you pressure yourself?

Marie Forleo: I have really high expectations. I want to take care of my team. I want to take care of my family. I want to do right by my customers like with this book. I wanted to do right by my publishing partners. And I always feel a sense of responsibility to make sure that I’m taking care of people.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: And embedded in that. I have historically put a ton of pressure on myself to make sure, you know that the buck stops with stops with me.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: But I think recently, it’s been really great to see how awesome it is to collaborate with people who are like girl, I got this. Like, you’re good, you go do your thing. I’ll do my thing and we’ll create something together, that’s magic. And I’ve been like, “This is amazing.”

Lewis Howes: [00:08:06 -crosstalk] stress about it, yeah.

Marie Forleo: Yes.

Lewis Howes: What’s been the biggest challenge in the last 10 years?

Marie Forleo: I think the biggest challenge for me in the past decade – it’s a good question.

Lewis Howes: You started MarieTV, what, eight, nine years ago? Eight years ago? Nine?

Marie Forleo: Yeah. So to put this all in context, so I’ve been doing what I’ve been doing for 20 years now.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: So creating free content via email.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: Back starting in like 2000 – 2001.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: Which seems like –

Lewis Howes: Crazy.

Marie Forleo: Insane. Then blogging, and then I got Kuma in 2009. Kuma is my dog. my toy Australian Shepherd.

Lewis Howes: Sweet little dog.

Marie Forleo:  He’s a sweet little pup. And here’s the thing, when we first got him as a puppy, and I was training him along with Josh, I didn’t have time to write as many –

Lewis Howes: You train Josh?

Marie Forleo:  No.

Lewis Howes: [laughs]

Marie Forleo: Training Kuma along with Josh. Gosh, knew what he was doing. I was like, “What do I do with a puppy?”

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: I didn’t have as much time to write blog post and so I just started opening my webcam on my MacBook Pro and talking right into the camera.

Lewis Howes: I remember those early videos of yours.

Marie Forleo: Yeah, they’re still on the site.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: And so MarieTV was actually started not because I had some big vision for like a show that I wanted to do. It was actually because I didn’t have much time because I had a really cute new puppy. And I needed to get consistent content out and I felt much more comfortable, and it was faster to talk into my webcam than it was to construct a blog post. 

So that’s how MarieTV started back in like 2009/2010.

Lewis Howes: It’s been almost 10 years. It’ll be 10 years.

Marie Forleo: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Marie Forleo: So, I think one of the challenges of the past decade has just been to continue to stay really present with all of the work while continuing to grow the company, like making sure that folks on the team have the support that they need, making sure that we’re attracting the right talent.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: People that have the right skills, the right culture fit, and just you know, keeping all those plates in the air.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: And then of course, still having a life and making sure my relationship, you know, stays on track.

Lewis Howes: How do you stay on track with a connected loving relationship, as a female entrepreneur, when you’re putting so much energy into your business?

Marie Forleo: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: And the culture, and the team and your customers, and –?

Marie Forleo: I made so many mistakes. I mean, let’s just be real, like I talked about this and I told this story, like, I work so hard to get my business off the ground and I was often working seven days a week.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: You know, not just coaching like that was a portion of what I did, but to keep a roof over my head. It was bartending, it was waiting tables. It was like being a personal assistant cleaning people’s toilets, whatever I needed to do in order to pay my rent, put food on the table and actually continue to grow the business. So I basically developed a habit of working nonstop and –

Lewis Howes:  A former ETV?

Marie Forleo: Oh, yeah, like getting the business off the ground.

Lewis Howes:  Yeah, yeah.

Marie Forleo: Like I worked sidekicks.

Lewis Howes: You like fitness coach, you did like dance instruction, you did everything, yeah.

Marie Forleo: I was a Nike elite dance athlete. I you know, taught anywhere from like three to seven classes a week at Crunch Fitness. Some of them were choreographed; some of them were basic fitness. I had the coaching clients, I was doing the content.

Lewis Howes:  Wow.

Marie Forleo: And I was bartending and waiting tables. So I had developed this habit of nonstop work because that was what was necessary at that time.

 Lewis Howes:  In New York?

Marie Forleo: Yes.

Lewis Howes:  Yeah. [chuckles]

Marie Forleo: But as Josh and I got together and eventually when I let go of the bartending and the waiting tables, and even the dance and fitness as a revenue stream, I didn’t let go of the habit of working nonstop. And that created some real problems in the relationship, where it was to the point that him and I had been together for seven years and never taken a vacation together.

Lewis Howes:  Wow.

Marie Forleo: Like we had traveled because either he had something for his work or I had something for my work, but it was always work related. So it was an actual just together time, just him and I. And our relationship was almost over like he was kind of done with me.

Lewis Howes: Wow. Because you were just, I want to work. I gotta build my business. You don’t understand me. This is my dream.

Marie Forleo: I was operating to out of a lot of scarcity and a lot of just habit, feeling like if I didn’t work constantly that it was all going to fall apart.

Lewis Howes: Mmm.

Marie Forleo: And so there were other things mixed in there as well.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: You know, there were other layers of just life pressures from all these different ends. But that was like a definite critical space.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, yes. Your son…

Marie Forleo: Oh, yeah. So I – my stepson Zane came into my life when he was seven. So the year that Josh and I kind of, you know, one of the times we’ve had many bumps along the road. We’ve been together for 16 years, any couple that’s been together that long. It’s not all unicorns and rainbows.

Lewis Howes: Its upper prince? [chuckles]

Marie Forleo: No, absolutely not. Relationships are so difficult. But at that particular juncture, Zane was going off to college, which that was a really big thing, in terms of Josh processing that. You know, having your kid go off after you raise them and then me working all the time, there was this confluence of stressors that put us in couples therapy, and I had to really change a lot about how I was living, what I was believing, and really putting things back into perspective, which saved our relationship.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, what were you believing?

Marie Forleo: Well, I was believing that if I didn’t work constantly, that I wasn’t a worthy person, that I wasn’t doing enough to make my business successful, that I was perhaps letting people down. And so I had to really shift that and understand that, you know, I come from a background. I don’t come from a wealthy background. So the work ethic in my nuclear family is very strong. Like my dad owned a small business. My mom, although she stayed home with us, she was constantly doing stuff, constantly working, constantly fixing things, constantly doing things that took care of the family. So that’s the kind of DNA I grew up with was like, no, if something needs to get done, you get it done.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: It’s not like you sit around all day and eating bonbons and watching TV.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Marie Forleo: So yeah. So that’s kind of how I got there. But then I had to readjust if I actually wanted to – not only have a successful business but have a success life.

Lewis Howes: Yeah. Well, how old were you when you came to this realization that like, okay, I can take a day off a week or I can take two weeks and go to Italy or –?

Marie Forleo: Yes. Yes, yes, yes. So that was probably – I may not get the dates, right, because time gets worked for me.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: But that was I would say well over like a decade ago –

Lewis Howes: Okay, yeah, yeah. Sure.

Marie Forleo: — where I started making some changes, and then really starting to see also how much more creative and productive I was when I scaled back a little bit.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: And that was a really powerful realization, because I think, often – and I understand this, and I think it’s important to contextualize this because at different stages of our life, and at different stages of our creative process, we need to work in different rhythms. You know, often when you’re getting something off the ground, it’s kind of like a rocket ship leaving the atmosphere. It takes a lot of inertia to break free from gravity, right to get into that upper stratosphere.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: So there’s a lot of work required in the beginning, but then you have to adjust as you move on. And I just needed to learn that lesson. But –

Lewis Howes: Cuz you were just in like launch mode all the time.

Marie Forleo: Correct.

Lewis Howes: Like we got a launch, launch, launch, launch. I mean, not launching things, but the idea and the energy behind…

Marie Forleo: Correct.

Lewis Howes: Go, go go.

Marie Forleo: Yep. So yeah, I think about –

Lewis Howes: [00:15:13 – inaudible]

Marie Forleo: A decade ago is when I really started making some good changes.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: Putting boundaries and bumpers in place for myself. And what that means was that at the top of the year…

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: What we do, in terms of relationship, and even for the company, we do the same thing. So there’s two points I want to make here. In terms of my personal relationship, Josh, and I look at the calendar at the top of the year and we set non-negotiable Adventure Time.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Marie Forleo: So my favorite place to go is Italy. That’s my happy place. So we – and we don’t always have to go there. But it’s just been a habit for like the past four or five years. And we set two weeks in the calendar where it’s like, he doesn’t accept work. I tell the team like this is the time we’re going to be away, no matter what’s going on. We’re just offline.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: That’s it. And then there’s other kind of smaller adventures that we plan like adventures with friends…

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: Where, you know, have a bunch of friends up for a couple of days around a birthday or around the holiday and like put these bumpers in place, so that both him and I know that there are the solid connection moments throughout the year that no matter how busy everything else gets, that we have these things to look forward to.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: And that’s been a game changer.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Marie Forleo: And then in the company. I don’t know if I’ve ever told you the story. But one day I was in New York, and I was having like a really bad PMS craving for carbs.

Lewis Howes: [laughs]

Marie Forleo: I was just like, I was like, “Mama needs some carbs.” And I was feeling like a croissant. And there was this great little French bakery around the corner that I had never been to. And I’m like, “I’m gonna go get my croissant right now.” So I roll up to this little French bakery and on the window there was like this handmade sign that said, you know, offer vacation back July 18. And it was like this two week thing.

Lewis Howes: Wow. You’re like what?

Marie Forleo: And I was like, “Wait, wait, what?”

Lewis Howes: Your business. You need to be here.

Marie Forleo: Yes. In yet, there, it was empty. And this simple little like hand drawn sign. And in that moment Lewis I had this notion I was like, “Wait a minute, I’m running this digital company. I have all of these amazing beautiful gorgeous souls that I work with. And we’re producing content once a week, every week, nonstop. When do we ever take a break?” And the advantage for me like Josh who works in entertainment, like series, sometimes they’ll have, you know, you watch your favorite series, like I love Handmaid’s Tale.

Lewis Howes: So good.

Marie Forleo: I love Stranger Things; you see 11 or 12 episodes…

Lewis Howes: And wait a year. 

Marie Forleo: And yes…

Lewis Howes: You are like embarrassing. [chuckles]

Marie Forleo: And like they’re off for a little while, right? And I thought to myself, why do I not have downtime built into my business? And this was about the time when also, there was just a cultural uprising with like, you know, Hustle 24/7.

Lewis Howes: Yes.

Marie Forleo: And you have to work nonstop.

Lewis Howes: Yes.

Marie Forleo: And like never take a break, and I’ll sleep when I’m dead. And I’m like; those are horrible messages for your health.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: So we decided after I saw – so after I had my croissant craving, I told my director of operations, I said, “Starting right now, we’re going to close the company down for two weeks in the summer, and two weeks in the winter. And in addition to people’s already having their…”

Lewis Howes: Vacation time.

Marie Forleo: Yes, their vacation time.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Marie Forleo: And we started that, I guess maybe, I don’t know, five, six years ago, I might be wrong on those dates, but a good number of time ago. And so our company goes dark twice a year. And now the company is at a place where not everyone in customer service takes off those exact same two weeks, so they stagger, so that we can take care of people.

Lewis Howes: Wow, yeah. Yeah.

Marie Forleo: But everyone has two weeks of dark time, two weeks of dark time.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Marie Forleo: And what’s great about that, is that you don’t get a phone [00:18:37 – unintelligible]. Thinking that you’re off and there’s all these other things happening, and there’s projects moving ahead.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: And there’s these things that you want to be in on but you’re like feeling that tension because the rest of the company is moving ahead and you’re trying to relax.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: So it’s been a game changer for us.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Marie Forleo: As a team.

Lewis Howes: Five years ago, roughly.

Marie Forleo: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: Interesting. Have you felt any negative effects of that?

Marie Forleo: Not one.

Lewis Howes: What if you took a month off in the winter? And a month of – is there like too much time, where you’re like, “Okay, now people are just –?”

Marie Forleo: It’s a great question. We haven’t tested that. So I don’t know. Two weeks for us has felt like a really beautiful amount of space.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: So over the past couple years, the feedback – and we all talk about what we do, when we come back, and we also share very openly about how it feels. And this no bullshit too, this is one of the things I’m most proud of, when everyone comes back from break, they’re a so excited to get back from work. It’s almost like a little joke. They’re like, “Oh my god, I missed you guys so much.”

Lewis Howes: Yeah, yeah.

Marie Forleo: And they talked about how they spent time with their families, like the adventures that they had, how they got a chance to read fresh and renew themselves. And they come in with all these ideas. They didn’t work on those ideas while they were away. It’s just…

Lewis Howes: It just came to them, it was down to them.

Marie Forleo: It came to them because they had a chance to step away.

Lewis Howes: The space, you have that space.

Marie Forleo: Yeah, and this is the other cool thing Lewis, as I’m really proud of this. Often times and I don’t find out about this until after fact, they come back and I see these photos uploaded into Slack, they went to hang out with each other.

Lewis Howes: Oh, wow.

Marie Forleo: And I was like, “That’s – 

Lewis Howes: That’s cool.

Marie Forleo: — amazing.”

Lewis Howes: Yeah, that’s great.

Marie Forleo: Yeah. So there was something changes.

Lewis Howes: Wow. Now, are those four weeks, of those paid or they just were off and you guys take your time off?

Marie Forleo: No, they’re paid.

Lewis Howes: Wow, that’s great.

Marie Forleo: Yeah. So they have, we have pretty good benefits, because I feel like in our culture, I was just talking about this last night with my creative director, we were at dinner. It’s such a strange environment that so many people that work for companies feel afraid.

Lewis Howes: Umm.

Marie Forleo: Like, they feel –

Lewis Howes: Afraid of what?

Marie Forleo: Expendable.

Lewis Howes: Umm.

Marie Forleo: Like, there is no sense of loyalty.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: And we were talking about someone that we know collectively who’s like super talented, but in an industry where things are shifting fast.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: And this person, you know, there’s always this undercurrent of not knowing whether or not they’re going to be let go because budgets are this that or the other thing, and there’s not necessarily a connection between employee and employer.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: And granted, many people may – well, that’s just the way that business works. That’s how it must be. And I don’t agree with that. Like, I want the people that work for me, and with me to feel a sense of safety and security. I mean, nothing is guaranteed.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: I get hit by a bus. But, you know, you don’t know, something may happen. But that’s all outside of all of our control.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: But on a day to day basis, for someone to feel like if they’re contributing, their top gifts, and their talents, and their time –

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: — to an organization, that that organization is also as equally invested in their health and wellbeing, their sanity, their ability to show up fully for their family to have time, to have flexibility. I just think that’s where we need to go if we want to create real change in our culture. I mean, there’s that statistic that’s been around for a while now it hangs out that about 70% of people here in the United States are actively disengaged from their work.

Lewis Howes: Right.

Marie Forleo: You know, on some level.

Lewis Howes: And maybe they are there for like two hours actively. You know, maybe there’s two hours of work a day, right?

Marie Forleo: Yeah, or but just even the sentiment that they have towards their work. Like they’re not satisfied with it, they’re, you know, going through the motions just showing up. They’re doing it only because they get a paycheck.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: And they feel no sense of meaning or purpose. And the economic repercussions of having 70% of our workforce disengaged at work, or not liking their work, or not feeling satisfied with it is enormous, which speaks nothing of the emotional or the psychological or the spiritual costs, but having that proportion of our workforce unhappy.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, that’s true. Wow.

Marie Forleo: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: Looks good.

Marie Forleo: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: What are the things we think you’re not doing well in your business?

Marie Forleo: I think a lot of these have started to shift with this book project. So I tend to be a person there’s this comes from two places. I like to be involved in things because I’m very collaborative.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: So I love to see how things are turning out and I love to like put my spin on them or at least have my input.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: But at the same time, you know, that can be overbearing. I don’t want folks to feel like they constantly have to run things past me. My team definitely knows I trust them. So the thing that I haven’t done well in the past is delegating enough, letting go enough control.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, yeah.

Marie Forleo: And particularly with this project, it’s pushed us all so far outside of our collective comfort zones, that it’s been a joy to be like, “You guys make the decision. You’re amazing. You’re intelligent, you’re smart, whatever you choose, I’m of to be happy with.”

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Marie Forleo: Yeah, that’s my [00:23:37 – inaudible].

Lewis Howes: It’s hard to do like to let go of that, right?

Marie Forleo: It’s been great.

Lewis Howes: It’s been good?

Marie Forleo: It’s been really great. Like the fact that I’m this like awake and happy and like in it right now speaks to my kind of let go and let Jesus take the wheel. And in this case, Jesus manifests as my team. [chuckles]

Lewis Howes: Yeah, it’s amazing. Cuz let people make decisions and move on.

Marie Forleo: Yes.

Lewis Howes: You do what you need to do and let everyone else do what they need to do.

Marie Forleo: Yeah, it’s the only way to sound today.

Lewis Howes: What do you think’s missing in your life?

Marie Forleo: I honestly, I’m going to sound like probably such a pothole saying this.

Lewis Howes: [chuckles]

Marie Forleo: I don’t feel like anything’s missing.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: Like I feel really – first of all, I feel really appreciative of everything the fact that I have my health. The fact that I have a team, and people that I love, and people that love me, and I don’t feel like there’s a hole, if that makes sense.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm. Um-hmm. What do you feel like you’ll regret if you don’t do something in the next 10 years?

Marie Forleo: Hmm…?

Lewis Howes: If we’ve had 10 years now kind of launching this version two of your business, I would say right?

Marie Forleo: Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Lewis Howes: And now the next decades coming up. What will you regret if it’s 2030, we’re doing this again, sitting here and you’re like, I’m kind really upset at myself because I didn’t do this in my personal life, in my business, my health, my family, the world?

Marie Forleo: Yes. I would say, the only thing I could foresee at this moment, not regretting, is not continuing to take that quality time with people I love, that would be the thing that if for whatever reason, I started making justifications –

Lewis Howes: Right.

Marie Forleo: — to change…

Lewis Howes: Well, this opportunity is so amazing so I gonna go here and do this.

Marie Forleo: Yeah, correct. That would be the only thing to be sort of transparent with you.

Lewis Howes: Really?

Marie Forleo: Yeah, because looking back on these past 10 years, the quality time with people that I love is everything. And I know this so viscerally in my body is that we’re not going to be here forever.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: And we never know when the people that we love…

Lewis Howes: Gone.

Marie Forleo: Gone. And so for me, there is nothing more important than maintaining, and enriching, and deepening those personal relate – like friend relationships, Josh, my family, like making sure that I show up…

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: As fully as possible, and not letting anything take me off track from that.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: Because it’s – having not had money, and starting with like tons of debt, and building everything from the ground up, and now being in a different position, it’s like I can see so clearly the success on an exterior level, like, that’s amazing, and I’m grateful for it. 

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: But nothing can make up for not having a sense of love in your life, and not having people that you care about and that you’re invested in. So there’s nothing that I could strive for or reach for that’s going to be more important than this.

Lewis Howes: Right.

Marie Forleo: If that makes sense.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, of course.

Marie Forleo: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: You probably get asked this a lot. Do you…?

Marie Forleo: Is my hair real?

Lewis Howes: Nah, no. [laughter] But that one’s it.  That one’s it.

Marie Forleo: Yeah, it’s real.

Lewis Howes: We found out before it’s real. It’s amazing.

Marie Forleo: I love it. Lewis asked me, it’s like, “Are those extensions?” I was like, “No, buddy, I was like the [00:26:45 – inaudible].”

Lewis Howes: I knew it wasn’t but I just wanted that.

Marie Forleo: Yeah, no, I get it.

Lewis Howes: The kids, the kid thing. Do you feel like –

Marie Forleo: Oh yes, [crosstalk] that.

Lewis Howes: — you get asked this a lot – I’m assuming it get asked this a lot by the women.

Marie Forleo: Sometimes.

Lewis Howes: Do you ever feel pressure, or judged, or whatever critique because you don’t have kids yet. And I think you don’t want to have kids, is that correct?

Marie Forleo: Yeah, no, it is. So I want to actually hit on all of those because each that you mentioned, pressured, judged or critique.

Lewis Howes: Critique, yeah.

Marie Forleo: So let’s stick with pressure, judged, or critique because those are very distinct flavors.

Lewis Howes: Yes. Yes. [laughs]

Marie Forleo: So, at this stage, I don’t get asked as much anymore because I’ve been talking about it so consistently and trying to be as loving, and just straight up as possible about the fact that I’ve never wanted kids.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: And real about the fact that I chose consciously or unconsciously, a man who already had a child. So some part of me clearly wanted to be a step mom, because I am.

Lewis Howes: Right.

Marie Forleo: And I love my stepson, and he’s awesome. So there’s that, but I’ve never wanted to have my own biological kids.

Lewis Howes: Why is that do you think?

Marie Forleo: You know, I’ve also never wanted to get married. I just think that we’re all kind of born with these innate desires, and sometimes we adopt the expectations of our family, of society, of the culture that we grew up in…

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: For whatever reason, I feel like I popped onto this earth with a very clear inner compass of the things that I would like to explore, or learn, or experience. And also a very clear compass of those things, which I just am not interested in. I do not want it for other people; it’s almost like when you go to a beautiful buffet, right? And you walk up, and you’re like, “Oh, my goodness, there’s these vegetables. And oh, there’s these desserts, and these possibilities.”

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: You don’t necessarily take from every option that’s there. You’re naturally attracted to some things over the other. So in my life, I’ve always known what I want to go after. And the little plate that has have children.

Lewis Howes: [chuckles]

Marie Forleo: And the little plate that’s like, get married…

Lewis Howes: Get married was not in your…

Marie Forleo: I was just was like, “That’s not for me.”

Lewis Howes: Not desirable.

Marie Forleo: It’s not my path. And so earlier on in my life I had many people tell me that I’m making the worst mistake ever, that I’m going to regret it.

Lewis Howes: Both marriage and baby? Not having babies, and not being married?

Marie Forleo: Mostly babies.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, yeah.

Marie Forleo: Mostly babies. Was that I was going to, you know, reach some age and just absolutely hate myself, and like it would be the biggest mistake in my life –

Lewis Howes: Feel alone or feel [crosstalk]

Marie Forleo: — that I was going to die alone. And I’m like; I’m going to die alone anyway.

Lewis Howes: We’ll die.

Marie Forleo: And that’s exactly right.

Lewis Howes: We’re not holding hands; die with someone, crossing over. It’s not in notebook.

Marie Forleo: Likely not. Unless, you know, God forbid a plan that goes down.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: Right. So there was that in terms of, you know, so the feeling judged about it, and criticized, let’s go into those pockets, because that’s interesting to me. I have had folks, and I can understand this. So I do understand it but I think that there is just room to explore it and have a discussion when it comes to having a conversation around productivity, having a conversation around business growth, having a conversation around priorities. And people can be very bold and courageous on like an Instagram comment where they wouldn’t be nearly so –

Lewis Howes: Right, right. [00:30:13 – crosstalk]

Marie Forleo: You know if you’re sitting across the table and just having a conversation was like, “Well, it’s easy for you to say, those of us that have kids.” And I’m like, now all of a sudden, anything that comes out of my mouth is, all of a sudden without merit, because I have not given biological birth to a child through my vagina.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, yeah.

Marie Forleo: Like, really?

Lewis Howes: Right.

Marie Forleo: Is that where we’re going to take this? Oh, and by the way, let’s take a look at other folks that I have worked with, who have seven kids.

Lewis Howes: Right, right.

Marie Forleo: Eight kids, who say, “Oh, I found value in this principle.” And here’s how I made this idea work in the context of my life. So I think that it’s really interesting to have someone judge another person for their choices.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm, yeah.

Marie Forleo: Do you know what I mean?

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: So I think that –

Lewis Howes: How do you handle being judged for that or for any?

Marie Forleo: Oh, I give Absolutely… no…

Lewis Howes: No attention.

Marie Forleo: F’s.

Lewis Howes: Right, yeah. You don’t care.

Marie Forleo: I don’t because, you know, the more you care about what other people think the more they own you.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm. The more power they have a real.

Marie Forleo: Yeah. And it’s like, I want people to win. That’s who I am as a person, I want people to win. I want them to be well; I want them to be successful. If there’s anything that I could possibly share that even a tiny nugget of what I share helps them become more of who they want to be, then I feel I have done my job successfully. Do I have all the answers? Absolutely not! No way. No one has all the answers. But I do believe that what we create in our company, and the programs we put together, and the things that we share, help people find their own answers. So I don’t… honestly, I don’t care.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: I really don’t care because if someone is going to take the time to either make that comment or that judgment, it – my perspective would be that there’s something in their own life that’s not working, that puts them in that position of feeling a sense of pain, or feeling like they have to judge someone else to justify what’s happening in their own life.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: I just don’t think that gets any of us anywhere.

Lewis Howes: So what do you doing when people are judging you online? Or do you just delete? Do you just leave it and don’t respond –

Marie Forleo: Yeah, I know. I’ll tell you.

Lewis Howes: — and say thank you for the feedback and move on and…?

Marie Forleo: It depends… I think contextually, like if someone has a different opinion and they express it respectfully, amazing.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: If someone’s being hateful, and trying to incite other people into a space of negativity, and there’s no basis in fact, there’s no desire to have a meaningful conversation. Again, depending on where it is, like we have a very, very clear and strong boundary in our programs like it’s there’s like a zero negativity, zero drama, zero bullshit policy that we have.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, it’s great, it’s correct.

Marie Forleo: Because no one can learn if they’re in an unsafe environment. And if you feel like expressing an opinion or just kind of taking people down this drama filled road, that’s not why we’re here. You know, in the context of my business, in the context of trying to help people gain skills and understandings…

Lewis Howes: Yeah, yeah.

Marie Forleo: It’s like, if you want to go have contentious conversations –

Lewis Howes: They’ll do it with the group people that… yeah, yeah.

Marie Forleo: Do it on your own page.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, exactly.

Marie Forleo: Go do it on your living room or go hold a community gathering, invite people –

Lewis Howes: The plan.

Marie Forleo: Correct, or whatever, but not in the learning environment that you have entrusted me to support you in. That’s not about to happen. But on public pages, again, if it’s just someone who actually just wants to have a meaningful conversation, which is, you know the exception of the rule. Let’s have that meaningful conversation. But if it’s someone who’s just looking to kind of take a dump in your living room and steer the ship, unlike, “Nah.”

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo:  Nah, not interesting.

[background music]

Lewis Howes: I want to take a quick moment to tell you about The Greatness Mastermind. Now, if you are an influencer with a large social media following, or if you’re a business owner and entrepreneur making seven figures in your business a year or eight figures and beyond. Then I want you to check out greatnessmastermind.com. This is a yearlong program where we curate high level influencers, high level entrepreneurs to be a part of our coaching program where we pull back the curtain. We bring you together with other high level influencers and entrepreneurs to help you scale your business, to help you grow your brand, and ultimately, bring in more income for your business as well. This is all about building a bigger brand, making more impact in the world, and bringing in more income as well. If you want to learn the strategies about how we build our brand, The School of Greatness brand, my personal brand, my business, how I’ve connected with some of the most influential people in the world, all the different strategies we do with marketing, sales, our team, social media, everything that we do, then go to greatnessmastermind.com, read the form and only apply if you feel called and ready to make the commitment, to take your business, and your impact to the next level. This is only for select people who are ready. It’s a premium investment as well because we want to make sure the right people are involved, who are committed to taking their business to the next level. So go to greatnessmastermind.com. And if that’s you, make sure to apply today. We’ll see you there.

And now let’s get back to the interview with Marie Forleo.

[background music]

Lewis Howes: So how do you navigate your relationship? Let’s say, I don’t know if Josh wants to get married or not, but if he wanted to get married at some point?

Marie Forleo:  Yeah.

Lewis Howes: Like 10 years down the line. He was like — you know what, I just really want to be married. 

Marie Forleo: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: Would that be something you’d be open to or changing your mind about?

Marie Forleo: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: And what if he’s like, I really want to have another kid?

Marie Forleo: Yeah, we’ve had the kid conversation. So I’m very clear on that, yeah. We already, we’ve, because I think that it’s important, especially for couples, I think it’s important to have those real conversations about –

Lewis Howes: Early.

Marie Forleo: Yes. So we tackle that one.

Lewis Howes: Okay.

Marie Forleo: And we talked about it and he was really loving and open with me like, hey, especially, you know, after being together 16 years, and the early part is like, “If you change your mind and want to have kids, like, I would love to have a kid with you.”

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Marie Forleo: So he was – but he’s like, “But I don’t feel the – like, I have my son, Jeremy.”

Lewis Howes: Yeah, yeah.

Marie Forleo: He is a father already. So there was no –

Lewis Howes: He’s not pressuring you.

Marie Forleo: No.

Lewis Howes: That was great.

Marie Forleo: It was just more like the open invitation. And then in terms of marriage, I don’t like to say never to anything.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: I just like to be honest about my truth in this moment.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: But if there came a point in the future where my something in me goes, like, “I’m super into this.” And he was like, “I’m super into this too. Let’s do it.” That very well could happen.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: And I’m super open with that. But what I love about our relationship is we throw it on the table, and we talk about it.

Lewis Howes: Everything.

Marie Forleo: Yes.

Lewis Howes: All the time. I think that’s the best way to do it.

Marie Forleo: It’s the only way because we human beings are complex. And expecting another person to just capitulate to your desires or what you really… it’s like, it doesn’t honor their individuality. And I really believe that there is a way to nurture and love and support the growth of the person that you love – 

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: — without pressuring them, consciously or subconsciously, to bend at your will.

Lewis Howes: Right. Or manipulative move, or passive aggressive in some ways too –

Marie Forleo: No.

Lewis Howes: Get in to do something that they want to do.

Marie Forleo: Yeah, exactly.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: And for us – and I’ll just the last thing I’ll say on this, like in terms of a romantic relationship, the most important things to me, like do we actually love each other? Do we respect each other? Are we loyal to one another? Is there love and passion? Do we feel a sense of intimacy and connection to – you know what I mean, is like on a day to day basis, are we waking up so excited to be with one another? Not that it’s always that way.

Lewis Howes: Right, right, right.

Marie Forleo: I’m just talking that the vast majority of the time.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: It should on track, and if it is, in my book, winning.

Lewis Howes: You’re winning, yeah. 

Marie Forleo: Super winning like –

Lewis Howes: Yeah, if your 90, 80% of the time, things are positive.

Marie Forleo: Correct.

Lewis Howes: And pretty smooth.

Marie Forleo: [00:38:02 – unintelligible]

Lewis Howes: Its pretty good.

Marie Forleo: And you still love that person, you want to be with them.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: So like with Josh, it’s like, I – he is my human, he is my person. We love our lives together. And when our work takes it, we’re like, “Okay, you know, what’s our next adventure together?”

Lewis Howes: That’s cool.

Marie Forleo: Like when do we get to see each other? Or we switch our plan so that we have that night together, if it was going to be three weeks of going in different directions, and I’d be like, I will fly home. Even if it’s just for dinner or whatever or – you do what I mean?

Lewis Howes: That’s cool.

Marie Forleo: But that to me means more than a marriage certificate. 

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm, yes.

Marie Forleo: Again, this is just my –

Lewis Howes: This is your personal truth, yeah.

Marie Forleo: This is my own personal truth, not for other people.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, of course.

Marie Forleo: Just for me.

Lewis Howes: Where do you think you’d be if you were single, the last 10 years?

Marie Forleo: Oh, my goodness, um…

Lewis Howes: Like, would you… would your business be as successful? Do you think again, yeah, we’re just…

Marie Forleo:  I know it’s hypothetical.

Lewis Howes: Do you think, or do you think that you’d be distracted? Or what do you think you would be?

Marie Forleo:  It’s a great question. I don’t know the honest answer to that. But I would be lying if I didn’t say that the love and the depth of trust and connection that we have together. It’s impossible that that hasn’t positively impacted my business.

Lewis Howes: Right, right, yeah.

Marie Forleo:  Being single these past 10 years, like sometimes I honestly will go out and about, and I just, I look up and I’m like, “Thank you Sweet Jesus.” To that I am not kind of out on the scene. I just, you know.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo:  And like bless people that are and I, you know, I hope for everyone who wants love, to have love, and find love in the in the form that’s good for them.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo:  But I’m just real happy. So I don’t even know.

Lewis Howes: Do you think your business would be as –

Marie Forleo:  As successful?

Lewis Howes: As profitable and successful?

Marie Forleo:  You know, to be really honest, it could go either way.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo:  Like, depending on how wild and crazy I got over those last 10 years. You know, you could, I could envision a version where it wasn’t but I can also envision a version that it was actually technically more successful. Who knows?

Lewis Howes: Right, right.

Marie Forleo:  Do you know what I mean?

Lewis Howes: Yeah, yeah.

Marie Forleo:  It have been like –

Lewis Howes: More financially successful or something, yeah.

Marie Forleo:  Or something, just because you know why? Because I didn’t take those –

Lewis Howes: More time?

Marie Forleo:  Exactly.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, because you gonna take a break.

Marie Forleo:  Exactly. That’s exactly right.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Marie Forleo:  And so that’s as possible, you know, as the other one.

Lewis Howes: Do you know any examples of individuals who have extremely successful brands, careers or businesses who are single after 40? Where they have healthy businesses, and they are happy?

Marie Forleo: Hmm…

Lewis Howes: Do you have any friends like that, like females, males like that who are single for –?

Marie Forleo: Single and really…

Lewis Howes: Or not married, no kids, and they’re just crushing, and happy and fulfilled?

Marie Forleo: Hmm. I don’t. I was thinking about my friend, a friend that I have, who is in her 60’s, who is not married but now recently has a boyfriend but she also does have a child, but it’s an adult child.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: And she’s very happy and she’s very satisfied with her life.

Lewis Howes: But she is single for a while or –?

Marie Forleo: She was single for the… like a very a very good portion of her adult life and only within the last year has a new boyfriend.

Lewis Howes: And she does really well and she is happy?

Marie Forleo: And she did really well. And she’s amazingly happy.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Marie Forleo: That’s one that comes to mind. I’m trying to think most of my other dear friends are in some type of partnership marriage, yeah.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm, yeah, gotcha.

Marie Forleo: Yeah, yeah.

Lewis Howes: I’m always curious about that, because I think about the men that I admire the most.

Marie Forleo: Yes.

Lewis Howes: They are typically in a committed marriage or some type of committed relationship.

Marie Forleo: Yes.

Lewis Howes: And their businesses take off when they have that support.

Marie Forleo: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: As opposed to just for the distractions that are out in the world.

Marie Forleo: Yeah. I think there’s something settling that happens for us when we have someone that we want to devote our love to and invest in that person and who they are.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: I don’t know. I like it.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: I do.

Lewis Howes: This book came about, I think, from an Oprah talk that he did three years ago, almost three and a half years ago or four years ago, is that was?

Marie Forleo: Yeah. The idea I’ve been talking about for –

Lewis Howes: For a while.

Marie Forleo: For like two decades.

Lewis Howes: Yeah. Your mom taught you this when you were younger growing up.

Marie Forleo: Yeah, yep.

Lewis Howes: But then you did a speech on it.

Marie Forleo: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: Which I saw just amazing.

Marie Forleo: Thank you.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, here in LA. And everyone’s been asking you to do a book for a decade, and you finally decided to do one.

Marie Forleo: Yes.

Lewis Howes: Why do you feel like you want to do one now, and why this topic, and not something else?

Marie Forleo: So the Why Now Piece was a lot about trusting myself. You know, when I think any of us have opportunities, knocking at the door, it can feel easy to be like, Oh, I need to say yes because, you know, this window of opportunity isn’t gonna be open long or this is going to help me “get ahead” or, you know, I need to make sure I still maintain my edge and get out there.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: And one of the things that’s been a big lesson for me is to always trust my own timing and not the exterior pressures of the world.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: And when those calls kept coming in, like we need a book from you, let’s do business book, let’s do whatever book, I was like, “No, it doesn’t, it feels like there’s a seed that’s been planted.” And just like a real life plant, that seed takes some time you have to water it, there needs to be the right nutrients in the soil, needs to be the right weather, and then even as the seedling comes up out of the ground, you can’t talk on it too fast to get it to bloom faster. You know what I mean?

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: Like you have to nurture it.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: And it has to take the time it takes to come into its full possibility.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: And that’s how I felt with this book. I had known that there was a big idea I wanted to write about. When Oprah and her team had asked me to speak at SuperSoul sessions the first thought about what the title of the talk would be was Everything Is Figureoutable. And then I had appeared in my mental theater and this is your book, like it wasn’t even like it was a decision. It was like the seedling had come up and good, “This is me.”

Lewis Howes: [laughs] Right, right.

Marie Forleo: Now you are going to be ready to, you know what I mean. So but the bigger reason in terms of an exterior reason, there’s two things: One, we have a lot of challenges collectively happening right now. There’s over 315 million people around the world that suffer from depression, suicide rates in the United States are at a 30 year high. That speaks nothing of the economic, political, pollution, thinking about every level of inequality and injustice that impacts us. So we’ve got a lot of problems that both individually and collectively we need to solve.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: And I ran into a mutual friend of ours, Toby, who runs Shopify, I think you know him.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: I was actually working on the manuscript at like a restaurant in New York, and he walked in, and I was like, “Oh, my goodness.”, because he’s from Canada. Like, “What are you doing here?” And we caught up and he’s like, “Why are you writing a book? You’re so busy with the rest of your business? It’s not like you need to write a book.”

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: And this is what I told him. I said, “Toby, honestly, I feel like if I would walk out in the street right now, and I got hit by a bus, this is the one idea that I would want to leave behind. From every MarieTV, from everything I’ve ever done. I feel like if I can somehow communicate this idea in a book form in a way that people can really get, that I could leave and go to that next chapter be like peace, y’all. I did my thing, right? Like, I’m fine, I’m good.”

Lewis Howes: Yeah, yeah.

Marie Forleo: So that’s the reason I wanted to write this book because I feel like every single one of us has such innate wisdom and so many capabilities that we’re not even fully aware of. And that if I could write about this simple three word phrase that has helped me at every single stage of my life and continues to help me to this day, I still use it every day.

Lewis Howes: Yes.

Marie Forleo: It would give people a tool that could serve them regardless of where they come from, regardless of their age, regardless of their economic background, regardless of their cultural background because it’s so simple. It’s not complex.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, simple.

Marie Forleo: I joked because I struggled a lot through the writing process.

Lewis Howes: You’re like it’s so simple. Why –?

Marie Forleo: It’s so simple. I was I remember like, at points kind of tearing my hair out feeling so terrible like, “I’m a bad writer and I don’t know if any of this is good and going but going this.” I made the joke I was like, “Can’t we just write a book with everything is figure out on the cover and then there’s blank pages, to [00:45:58 – crosstalk] like that’s it, that like on a very kind of joking but meta level like, this is all you need to know.

Lewis Howes: Exact, yeah.

Marie Forleo: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: I think the bestselling books are always the most basic, the most basic principles.

Marie Forleo: Yes. It’s like foundational, right.

Lewis Howes: Like the Four Agreements. It’s literally like four senses to read the whole book.

Marie Forleo: Yes. But it’s so profound simplicity.

Lewis Howes: Exactly, simplicity.

Marie Forleo: Yes.

Lewis Howes: That’s the five second rule. It’s like, okay, it’s you know.

Marie Forleo: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: You say five, four, three, two, one and it’s like, that’s the whole book.

Marie Forleo: Yes.

Lewis Howes: You know, it’s all these things. So you are a badass. It’s like, “Okay, I’m a badass.” Believe it.

Marie Forleo: Yes. [laughs]

Lewis Howes: You got to read the whole book that’s the simple stuff that just is a big hit. So was that challenging for you to like, say, Okay, how many to fill up a book that’s really could be one cover?

Marie Forleo: Yes. 

Lewis Howes: And write all this research and do all this stuff.

Marie Forleo: Yeah, it was. I’ll tell you what was interesting was for me how to communicate all of the tools and the principles that support this one notion in an arc that gives people actionable things to do. And that it doesn’t overwhelm them but at the same time gives them enough things to activate this belief so that it never leaves their consciousness or their soul again.

Lewis Howes: Yes, yeah, that’s the power.

Marie Forleo: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: That’s the power. What is the thing right now, that’s in the way that you need to figure out?

Marie Forleo: I think one of the things that’s been interesting about the book launch process for me, we’re it just in the process of actually figuring out how to get the book in as many hands as possible, in a way that always feels authentic to us.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: And it’s fun. It’s like, that’s really the thing that we’re figuring out and it feels like we’re in the process of it, if that makes any kind of sense.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, figuring out right now.

Marie Forleo: Yeah, totally figuring out.

Lewis Howes: But you’ve never done this? You’ve done other launches?

Marie Forleo: Yeah. I mean, I wrote a book when I was in my early 20’s.

Lewis Howes: Dating One, right?

Marie Forleo: Yeah, and it was so… it was such a different experience.

Lewis Howes: And different era of like getting books out than too, yeah.

Marie Forleo: Completely, completely. I didn’t know anything. I didn’t have a very big audience. I didn’t have any confidence in my own ability to like negotiate or to partner with anyone, like it was like such a different error. But that’s the thing now like figuring out and we just did a kind of really fun video shoot yesterday that that’s tied in to the book. Jada, who’s my creative director and I, we were like sitting at dinner last night and just laughing. We’re like, “Oh my goodness, like we’re working with so many different teams.” Like imagine a six years ago, this would have totally stressed us out. And now we’re, like, so joyful about it. So it’s really funny.

Lewis Howes: For me that’s cool.

Marie Forleo: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: Where in your life do you feel like you have the least amount of confidence?

Marie Forleo: The least amount of confidence. I would say, for me, the place where there’s like a real growth edge is saying yes to like a keynote talk, right?

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: Where I could just say yes, and get on that stage of it. I’m a talker, so I don’t mind. I love talking and I love teaching, but I also am really interested in creating beautiful cases to inspire people to adopt ideas. And that takes for me; it takes work to craft those. You know, I was at one point in college considering a law degree. So I took many law classes and one of my favorite pieces of those classes was constructing the legal briefs because I loved finding an idea and then backing it up to make a case, to argue for that.

Lewis Howes: It’s a nice skill.

Marie Forleo: Right.

Lewis Howes: Great skill.

Marie Forleo: But for me, that doesn’t necessarily happen instantly. And I don’t necessarily feel confident at this point in my career, because I care so much about ideas. Just like stepping on a stage, I’d be like, “I’m gonna give it to keep, I’m gonna give a keynote like tomorrow.” Even though technically, I know I could fill an hour…

Lewis Howes: And be fine.

Marie Forleo: And be totally fine. But I don’t feel the same level of confidence, as let’s say, other aspects. Like, you know, you could throw me in any kind of interview, you could throw me in some marketing situation; you could throw me in almost anything. And I’d be like, “Give this. Bring it.”

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: But that’s the area that I’m –

Lewis Howes: Giving keynotes, huh.

Marie Forleo: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: Interesting.

Marie Forleo: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I also – it’s really a fun, just because I’ve spent the last decade focused in other areas, if that makes sense.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm, yeah of course.

Marie Forleo: Yeah, so that’s –

Lewis Howes: Yeah, yeah. What’s the skill say you really want to learn over the next decade that you –?

Marie Forleo: Okay, there’s a couple.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: I got a couple.

Lewis Howes: [laughs]

Marie Forleo: So I don’t know if it’ll happen in 10 years because it’s just like with the book, it’s not necessarily something I’m like, “I want to really do this, but I don’t have the time.” because that’s bullshit. I do have the time. It’s just about what priorities are.

Lewis Howes: Desire, yeah.

Marie Forleo: Yes. So it may not be within a decade, but certainly within 15 is learn to speak Italian. 

Lewis Howes: Gosh, yeah.

Marie Forleo: Because I love the language. And I practice little bits here and there. And I practice around my trips. And I just know in my heart, that God willing, I’m on the planet long enough that that will be to go over there and spend some time and like do an immersive program where I can just drench myself in the culture and not speak English for like eight weeks and just do it.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Marie Forleo: I think the other thing that I really… I’m a horrible singer. Horrible. I love karaoke.

Lewis Howes: Yes.

Marie Forleo: I love singing and rapping. I’m doing whatever like anything in the karaoke world, but I think along with that a time thing, training, like vocal training, I think would be so fun. Not even necessarily to perform publicly, but I feel like –

Lewis Howes: That to yourself, inner confidence to chill you out.

Marie Forleo: Just for even like singing in the shower, I have so much fun sounding no matter what.

Lewis Howes: It sounding good, yeah. [chuckles]

Marie Forleo: But being able to, like follow a tune, like I see it a lot like dance. So, for me, when you learn choreography, and it was unfamiliar to you, and then it gets in your body and you are actually able to not just perform technically, but you can dance the choreography. There is a freedom in that feeling…

Lewis Howes: It’s amazing.

Marie Forleo: That’s remarkable.

Lewis Howes: It’s amazing.

Marie Forleo: And I suspect and I don’t know if this is true, but I suspect there’s something akin to that with singing that if you could learn a tune and actual — do you know what I mean? Be able to follow the notes.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, absolutely.

Marie Forleo: That it would be a really joyous experience.

Lewis Howes: I know. When I started learning, salsa dancing, it was for –

Marie Forleo: You’re good at that.

Lewis Howes: Thank you. I do my best for three and a half months, I was, can we, I think we learned anything. You’re self-conscious. You’re like I suck at this.

Marie Forleo: Yes.

Lewis Howes: Especially a partner experience, I was like, I’m just making these people look bad every day I felt bad. And it wasn’t until like three and a half months, things started to click where I was like, I was fluent in salsa dancing. And then I was not self-conscious anymore. I wasn’t thinking about counting the steps and hitting the beats. I was just flowing.

Marie Forleo: Yes.

Lewis Howes: And it was just like the rhythm took over. And it’s like, I’m a Latino.

Marie Forleo: [laughs]

Lewis Howes: I was like, “I am a Latino.” Do you know what I mean? I just started taking singing lessons the end of last year. And it’s been a game changer for me, because I’ve never sung in front of people because it’s one of my fears.

Marie Forleo: Yes.

Lewis Howes: So every year I try to write down like what are the biggest fears that still hold me back? 

Marie Forleo: Yes.

Lewis Howes: What if they don’t hold me back because I just don’t try them. But I know they hold me back instead.

Marie Forleo: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: And I never do karaoke before. I would just go and watch and I would never do it.

Marie Forleo: Yes.

Lewis Howes: Unless it was like 10 people singing at the same time, time to figure notes.

Marie Forleo: Right.

Lewis Howes: Like I would never do it myself. And I started to – I was like, Okay, I’m sick and tired of this. I’m going to do lessons and it’s been amazing.

Marie Forleo: Did you find someone here local?

Lewis Howes: I find someone local, and I was like, all right, I need to find someone who terrifies me. And I was like, who’s one of the best singers in the world? And who’s their coach?

Marie Forleo: Um-hmm.

Lewis Howes: I was like Sita, for me it is like –

Marie Forleo: Yes.

Lewis Howes: She [00:53:19 – inaudible] earlier the song. I was like, this girl can sing.

Marie Forleo: Yes.

Lewis Howes: I was like who was her coach?

Marie Forleo: Yes.

Lewis Howes: I found her coach. And I’m working with Sita’s coach.

Marie Forleo: You’re gonna –

Lewis Howes: It’s crazy.

Marie Forleo: Brother, you’re gonna have to share a little text.

Lewis Howes: Alright. [laughs]

Marie Forleo: Because I was just gonna say, I don’t know.

Lewis Howes: It’s amazing.

Marie Forleo: Is it?

Lewis Howes: Yeah, it’s amazing.

Marie Forleo: Cuz I will wanna learn.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, the first few weeks I did it I was literally like, drenched in sweat, so nervous because it’s just me and her and I’m singing right in front of her.

Marie Forleo: Yes.

Lewis Howes: And I’m just like, see all the posters of all those, you know, the singers that she’s worked with. I’m like, “What am I doing here?” every week. It just got more and more natural, where I was able to expand my range and open my vocal cords, and everything, and I was just like, “Okay.”

Marie Forleo: Oh, wait, so have you sung publicly a little bit?

Lewis Howes: No, no, I mean, I’ve done karaoke couple times, but I’m not –

Marie Forleo: Do you want to sing sing right now?

Lewis Howes: No, don’t say that.

Marie Forleo: [laughs] Okay, okay.

Lewis Howes: It’s like I only want to do it for public.

Marie Forleo: No, of course.

Lewis Howes: Do you know what I mean? It’s like you were in the shower. It’s more like —

Marie Forleo: I completely understand that. I completely understand that. No, its…

Lewis Howes: But if I need to I could and I want to terrify me.

Marie Forleo: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: You know what I mean?

Marie Forleo: I totally respect and totally understand that.

Lewis Howes: It’s a game changer though.

Marie Forleo: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: Just like the art of learning something new that you’re scared of I think it is powerful for all of us.

Marie Forleo: Yes, completely.

Lewis Howes: And yeah.

Marie Forleo: And to be able to hang out there, like –

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: So part of what we’re doing with the book, we were talking about this a little bit off camera. So I wanted to do something special. And we’re doing this thing in New York. And I’m grateful because it’s sold out but we describe it as, Imagine if a Beyonce Concert and a TED talk had a baby, and then through block party.

Lewis Howes: Yeah. [chuckles]

Marie Forleo: And that’s kind of what we’re doing. And there’s choreography involved. And not just of other dancers, but for me, and I will tell you, Lewis, the other day, I went into my first day of rehearsal, and even though, right, I was a Nike Elite Dance Athlete, and this is going a way back.

Lewis Howes: You taught dance?

Marie Forleo: I taught dance. I don’t have a formal dance training.

Lewis Howes: You look like a hip-hop, yeah, yeah.

Marie Forleo: Exactly. So I was completely self-taught. And I didn’t start until my mid-20s. So I was like over the hill in the dance world. So I’m still not anywhere near the realm of like some of these incredible folks that are out there. And I was going into dance rehearsals the other day, Lewis I was so terrified. I actually did like a little – I recorded on the video because I wanted to remember the feeling of how much I wanted to like, throw up.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Marie Forleo: How scared I felt, just going into that room. And just the notions like the visions in my mind of just being completely overwhelmed, being like, totally shut down, do you know what I mean, like, all of that fear of stepping into and what I said to myself, was like, I’m so curious if other people experienced this in other disciplines, again, whether it is speaking in public.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: Having a conversation with a loved one.

Lewis Howes: Starting a business.

Marie Forleo: Starting a business.

Lewis Howes: Writing a book, whatever may be –

Marie Forleo: Going into a new kind of phase of their health or fitness, showing up for something.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: But I think, it’s a really exciting place to be and I loved.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Marie Forleo: It was uncomfortable to hang out with those feelings but after three days of rehearsals I was like, “Let’s do it again.”

Lewis Howes: Yeah, where you with like professional dancers also?

Marie Forleo: Yes.

Lewis Howes: Or like Top Rose of New York?

Marie Forleo: Yes. And so that particular rehearsal like we have rehearsal with the rest of the team coming up. But this is with like, I mean, people who have choreographed and work with folks like Beyonce and like, do you know what I mean?

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: Like we’re… and so the intimidation level is like —

Lewis Howes: So you intimidating you are like, “What am I doing here?”

Marie Forleo: Completely, just like, “What have I got to self?”

Lewis Howes: Can we start with the two step guys. It was like to said the basics.

Marie Forleo: Take it real, real slow for this one.

Lewis Howes: That’s good.

Marie Forleo: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: I think it’s important for people to get out of their comfort zones as much as possible. It sounds like your free course that you have. It sounds like if people buy a book, they get access to the free course?

Marie Forleo: Yes. So I want to talk about this real fast. So writing for me, I was saying how it wasn’t an easy process and I was trying to do really good job. Just do a good job and my publishers, and by the audience too.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, everyone, yeah, yeah.

Marie Forleo: Turned in the first draft of the manuscript and was waiting for feedback from the editors and the publishers. And they, you know, sent a lovely email with a bunch of notes for each chapter, stuff to tweak and to change all part of the process as it was, but I spent a ton of time on this last chapter. And I was like, super proud of it. And I was hoping for them to love it. I wanted them love it.

Lewis Howes: A round of applause, bravo, yeah.

Marie Forleo: Or something like, “Oh my goodness, like that’s so great.” No. The feedback was – we think you should lose that chapter; like that chapter needs to just not be there with the book ends here. It feels like Ba, ba, ba and I was like, okay, and I was definitely like crestfallen and felt disappointed.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: But then I had the two week break off for the holidays, which gave me a moment of perspective shift. And I went back and looked at the material. I was like; you know what they are right. This book doesn’t this, excuse me; this chapter doesn’t belong in the book. It belongs in the classroom. I can actually help people with this material so much more if I can use the benefit of my voice, a visuals, a fun sheets. So I took the material reworked it, developed it even further, and then turned it into an online course and people can get it completely for free.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Marie Forleo: It’s there’s no upsell, it’s not like that, but to celebrate the launch of the book, I just want people to have that extra information that didn’t make it in. So it’s kind of like the advanced material to help you embed the belief, Everything Is Figureoutable –

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Marie Forleo: — into your psychology, because my friends were asking me they’re like, you think this way automatically? Because this is some… this is an idea that you’ve grown up with?

Lewis Howes: Before you get, yeah.

Marie Forleo: Yes. So now it’s a part of my DNA. So I was like, how can I help other people in a really simple and easy way, get this belief to be a part of their DNA so they can get the benefit of it like this. And so that free course which is called the Figureoutable Formula, if you order the book you can get in there’s a page it’s everythingisfigureoutable.com/freegift, and you just upload your receipt, you’ll get an email when we’re starting the course, and you know, you can have that material for life.

Lewis Howes: Right. Its five days live, its feature? Yeah.

Marie Forleo: It’s five days — the videos are super short so it’s not like you have to have a big time commitment.

Lewis Howes: Right.

Marie Forleo: If you have five or 10 minutes a day, I will teach you a tool that is research backed that will help you – get this Lewis, this is so great. This why I was so proud of it. I was in [00:59:13 – unintelligible] it.

Lewis Howes: Yes. [laughs]

Marie Forleo: You can get over any fear, any doubt, any negative belief and get into action in 90 seconds or less.

Lewis Howes: Wow. Good at you.

Marie Forleo: It’s fun. You might not, you might have to… you’re going to have to use the tool a couple times.

Lewis Howes: Sure, sure.

Marie Forleo: Why? Just like anything else.

Lewis Howes: I love that.

Marie Forleo: But it will get you into that space of moving forward rather than feeling stuck.

Lewis Howes: What are the things that you would say, maybe you don’t do these every day, but if there are three to five things that you could do every day…

Marie Forleo: Yes.

Lewis Howes: You know, you would have a much better day if you don’t do those things.

Marie Forleo: Okay.

Lewis Howes: And maybe you do them every day, maybe you do them most days and sometimes you missed but –

Marie Forleo: I’m a most day’s person.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, everyday.

Marie Forleo: Because…

Lewis Howes: Because life happen.

Marie Forleo: [00:59:53- unintelligible], yeah. And I mean, just you know, you and I have been texting back and forth. We were both traveling so much. I had like a pretty… It was just one — you know, when you just have those travel days where you’re on the tarmac for a few hours.

Lewis Howes: It was like I can work out.

Marie Forleo: I was just like I got in, I had hardly any sleep, it was just a moving target.

Lewis Howes: Yes.

Marie Forleo: So my most day’s things are movement for sure. So, on days when it’s tough it looks like a little app that racks up a seven minute workout that I can literally do anywhere.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: Like in an office to on better days going to a class or doing like a full 30 minute or 45 minute or something like that. Or like a dance class or spin class. In anything in that range, even if I can only get in a seven minute workout I’m proud of myself because I did something.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: Right, so movement. Meditation, another big one. I actually saw it the other day when I was in rehearsal. So I had three days in a row. Two out of the three days I meditated. The two days that I meditated, my ability to remember choreo was so much faster and the second day I felt like my body had just needed more rest because I pushed it really hard the day before so I had this moment. I don’t know if you have ever experienced this where you’ve got each like a little bit of a choice or like oh does the body need this or this and for me, I’m working really hard to maintain my health as I’m pushing myself very hard so it’s just making choices to go like double the extra hour sleep or whatever. But I noticed that the day that I didn’t meditate, I had a harder time and I was harder on myself in the studio. 

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm, yeah.

Marie Forleo: So meditation.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: Drinking enough water. I am definitely one of those humans that between like water and food, if I get into like a creative zone doing something…

Lewis Howes: You forget to eat in break?

Marie Forleo: Yes, I’m like, “Oh, wow, it’s 7:30.” And I have not touched food.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Marie Forleo: Not… do you know what? So…

Lewis Howes: Yeah, yeah.

Marie Forleo: Obviously proper hydration. And then I would say when this works for Josh and I, this is like a nonnegotiable in the morning like we have coffee together in bed.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: Pretty much every day like there’s maybe a 20 minute or like half hour connection time.

Lewis Howes: That’s good.

Marie Forleo: Where we just, we bullshit, honestly.

Lewis Howes: Yes.

Marie Forleo: Like we just talked about –

Lewis Howes: To whatever.

Marie Forleo: Talk about whatever. We play with Kuma. We talk about anything. It’s just like hangout time.

Lewis Howes: That’s good.

Marie Forleo: And it feels really – it’s just grounding. And it’s just like a moment to be with that person that you really love –

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm, yeah.

Marie Forleo: Before the rest of the world. So those are the things that for me –

Lewis Howes: Okay.

Marie Forleo: And it’s not much more complicated than that.

Lewis Howes: And it is simple, yeah.

Marie Forleo: There are certain times of like creatively where maybe journaling, like when I was writing the book, it was a really helpful way for me to kind of process new ideas, but I’m not an everyday journal person.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: Sometimes it feels like it’s just kind of the faucet is open to – and I have to actually go into prod –

Lewis Howes: Gonna get out, yeah.

Marie Forleo: Yes, yes, yes.

Lewis Howes: Yeah. Okay. What’s something you think that you could add or eliminate that would make your life better?

Marie Forleo: Add or eliminate.

Lewis Howes: Maybe one of each.

Marie Forleo: I think the more I dial up physical activity I am just more joyful. So it would just be to kind of crank up the volume on that even more. And then eliminate to really – okay.

Lewis Howes: [laughs]

Marie Forleo: I was like, it was like KG and I’m like okay, I wanting my subconscious to surface something. I will tell you and I don’t really know if this would make my life better. I really don’t. So I love I call it real estate porn because I just love –

Lewis Howes: You got zillow all day like me?

Marie Forleo: I have – it’s street easy for New York.

Lewis Howes: Its easy.

Marie Forleo: And I have other where, it’s, I just like seeing interiors.

Lewis Howes: Uhh, yeah.

Marie Forleo: And I like seeing the shapes. I don’t know what it is, but I love seeing how different things are constructed. It feels like – when I just, I like flick through. I have no desire to go look at these places. I have no desire… do you know what I mean?

Lewis Howes: [chuckles] yeah, yeah, yeah.

Marie Forleo:  But there’s something about it that I’m like… well, I know how some folks and you know, God bless all of us, right? We all have our little things like something like, “Oh my goodness, I spent too much time on Instagram, that’s not really me.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo:  I’m not super-duper into social, but I would say if there’s any app that I overuse it is that street.

Lewis Howes: Real Estate, huh?

Marie Forleo:  Is it that real? I just go I’m like, “Oh, what’s new? Or what’s happening?” Or, you know.

Lewis Howes: An hour passes and you are like, what did I do about that?

Marie Forleo:  Yeah, yeah, yeah. But sometimes I will admit though, sometimes it is a great way for my brain to just actually almost like the —  know what I mean? The dust settles. If, obviously, meditation would be like –

Lewis Howes: Better?

Marie Forleo:  Ideal. But there’s sometimes where, if that’s just what my little heart is like, Girl, just get yourself a moment or two on real estate porn. I’m gonna say yes.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo:  It’s –

Lewis Howes: It’s like watching a movie.

Marie Forleo:  Yes.

Lewis Howes: It’s just watching the movie and you are like –

Marie Forleo:  Totally.

Lewis Howes: — in your own way, you know.

Marie Forleo:  Yeah, totally.

Lewis Howes: It is just like your movie.

Marie Forleo:  Yeah. So again, I’m still I’m skeptical about whether or not less of that would actually kept.

Lewis Howes: Try it for a week. I’m sure it does.

Marie Forleo:  Yeah. [laughs]

Lewis Howes: Instead of that go do another workout class.

Marie Forleo:  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Lewis Howes: Or meditation class or yoga.

Marie Forleo: Well, sometimes… yeah, because it’s the nighttime thing. If I work out at night, then I can’t sleep.

Lewis Howes: Uhhh, gotcha.

Marie Forleo: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: So early morning, gotcha.

Marie Forleo: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Lewis Howes: Okay.

Marie Forleo: But if I find, if I think of something else, that’s, that’s terri… I will absolutely give you an update.

Lewis Howes: What’s something you’re proud of that no one knows about?

Marie Forleo: Something I’m proud of that no one knows about. I think no one knows about this, maybe because I haven’t spoken it. But I’m really, really proud of my team and the company I’ve known.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: And I know, maybe I’ve talked about so I’m not trying to weasel out of it.

Lewis Howes: Sure, yeah.

Marie Forleo: But that’s the first thing that came into my heart. Because I love them so much and I love seeing how happy they are.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, that’s great.

Marie Forleo: And I feel like while they make their own choices, they’ve opted to be here, I feel like I’ve played some part and bringing these magical humans together. And when they send me slack messages that say, like, I feel like I have my dream job, like I can’t believe this is real.

Lewis Howes: Wow, that’s cool. That’s pretty cool.

Marie Forleo: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: That’s pretty prideful. Yeah.

Marie Forleo: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: That’s cool. What is the thing that you’re most afraid of?

Marie Forleo: Thing the most –

Lewis Howes: Beside the heights we talked about before, but yeah.

Marie Forleo: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: But like an emotional thing you’re afraid of?

Marie Forleo: An emotional thing I’m afraid of. I think —

Lewis Howes: Not like spiders or like snakes but something else it’s like…

Marie Forleo: No, no, no. something real.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: Yeah, yeah, yeah, nothing that. You know, I think it would be behaving in a way that I was unaware that I was hurting someone that I love. Do you know what I mean?

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: Like finding out after or too long of a period of time that I had been doing something unconsciously, that was unkind, or that was hurtful, or that was somehow damaging to someone. And I didn’t know.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, that would suck.

Marie Forleo: Yeah, I think I would just be like, not because I’m striving to be perfect but I love people and I would never want to hurt someone and to, you know what I mean, to know if that I had been doing something unconsciously that was that was causing another person pain.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: That would suck.

Lewis Howes: Would suck. Final few questions: Your mom, you know, people to learn about your mom and the lesson she taught you about Everything Is Figureoutable in this book. What’s the one lesson that she taught you, that you don’t talk about in here, that’s really impacted your life? And one lesson your dad taught you that was really influential for you?

Marie Forleo: You know, my mom, a blessing that she that she’s drilled into me that I don’t talk about in the book is just like, how important it is to love your partner.

Lewis Howes: Hmm. Hmm.

Marie Forleo:  Really like it’s just, she’s – my mom is such an interesting character. She’s still alive. God bless her was just her birthday actually yesterday.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Marie Forleo:  And she’s spicy like she’s real spicy. Sometimes, you know, like all of our parents and all of us as humans were complicated, right?

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo:  We’re not that easy to get. And my mom, there’s times and she will be like, you know, while you’re young right now, while you and Josh are together and you both have your health, and you’re both able to do, she’s like – I remember she said this to me, right before we went to Italy, she’s like, “I need you to do something.” She’s like, “I know how busy you are. I know there’s a lot going on.” She’s like, “But when you guys are together, promise me that you’re just going to take a moment when you’re in whatever a little cafe that you’ll just sit there and have – if you’re drinking a cappuccino…” she knows I love my, you know, cappuccinos are special, she’s like, “Just really take it in, because it’s not going to last forever.”

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Marie Forleo: And just look at him. And like really taste that cappuccino, and look at like the birds or the trees or whatever’s there. And she’s like, “Take that moment in because there’s gonna come a time. It’s not gonna be around anymore.”

Lewis Howes: Wow, that’s powerful.

Marie Forleo: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Marie Forleo: So it’s like, she’s real good at drilling those things in.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: And it’s important. It’s important. I – we did it. Like when we were there it was so –

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: I was like, “Hey, remember what my mom said?” And he’s like, “Yeah.” We’re like, “Okay.”

Lewis Howes: “Let’s take it this.” Yeah.

Marie Forleo: Yeah, let’s like let’s do it, like we’re here right now. Like, we’re still have our health, we sell the ability like walk around and to enjoy this, and you just… you don’t know.

Lewis Howes: Yeah. As opposed to doing constantly, let’s travel to this as such be appreciate joy.

Marie Forleo: Yeah, in that little moment.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: In the in the really like simple moments.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: The simple moments of like having a slice of pizza or just hanging out unlike a –

Lewis Howes: God, I love pizza.

Marie Forleo: Me too. By the way, I have really great pizza recommendations.

Lewis Howes: In New York?

Marie Forleo: Both.

Lewis Howes: Here too?

Marie Forleo: Well, I’m not here, in New York and Italy.

Lewis Howes: Okay.

Marie Forleo: I will. As a side note, we went to Naples for the first time and I did three pizzas in three days, so pizza for lunch, pizza for dinner, and then pizza for lunch the day before we left.

Lewis Howes: My dream.

Marie Forleo: I’m going to give you a video of the best.

Lewis Howes: That’s my dream.

Marie Forleo: Oh my god, it’s awesome. So that’s Mama.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: My dad. He really taught me about like over delivering in business and like the notion that you just take care of people. When people show up to your business, right, and so he had a printer

business like a just a small physical business.

Lewis Howes: Umm.

Marie Forleo: And sometimes his clients would be in a bind, and we would go in on the weekends and weeknights, you know what I mean? If there was like, “Okay, we got to get this big job done for this person. Like, this is a really important client.” So my dad, they’re in a bind, like whatever happened. And you know what, this is what we do we take care of people.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, wow.

Marie Forleo: We go above and beyond. And my parents, we would like when we would all as a family go into work when there was like a something going on that was intense, like they would bring a boom box, we would order a pizza a and wear jersey, and we would like turn it into like a work party. I think my dad just taught me this, the value of the work ethic, which is good. It’s like you don’t complain. You just show up.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: You do it with enthusiasm and when people are kind enough to reward you with their business, you reward them with going above and beyond and like taking really good care of them.

Lewis Howes: That’s good. That’s cool.

Marie Forleo: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: My knowledge you Marie, because it’s been amazing to watch your journey and to know you for the last decade and to see you continued to grow into such a just a loving woman.

Marie Forleo: Thank you.

Lewis Howes: Just a human being that cares about humanity. And I think that’s what I respect about you the most is that your desire to impact people. And for me, that’s what I want to do. I want to do more of impacting people. And you do an amazing job of working so consistently and committed to creating the tools and the information to inspire… you inspire men, but most of your work is for women and women entrepreneurs. And I think that’s the thing I admire the most about you. So I acknowledge you for that. I admire you for… it’s not easy, when every, not everyone, but lots of people do things different than you do it in your relationship not being a mom or whatever it is that you do it differently —

Marie Forleo: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: — it’s not easy to hear that all the time. Or think like, oh, my, you know, should I be doing something else like these women are doing or whatever.

Marie Forleo: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: And so I really acknowledge you for owning your true, for where it is right now and just being who you are.

Marie Forleo: Thank you.

Lewis Howes: Because I think it’s in a world where it’s easy to judge ourselves and compare ourselves to other people’s lives. You are living your life. And I think that’s really awesome.

Marie Forleo: Thank you.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, of course, of course.

Marie Forleo: Thank you. And thanks for having me on.

Lewis Howes: Of course. 

Marie Forleo: And thanks and congratulations, I mean, I feel similarly and our friendship too because we’ve been in each other’s lives for so long and it’s always so fun for me to see how many things you’re doing, and how many people love you, and how like “Oh my god, your Lewis Howes.” And I’m like, “That’s, my boy.”

Lewis Howes: [chuckles] yeah, exactly.

Marie Forleo: Yeah, that is awesome.

Lewis Howes: Appreciate it, appreciate it. The book is out. Everything Is Figureoutable make sure you guys pick it up right now, Marie Forleo. Go to the website its marieforleo.com or everythingisfigureoutable.com, and they can enter the receipt. You’ll have it all over your website to social media.

Marie Forleo: Yeah, it’s very simple, it’s very clear.

Lewis Howes: To get the bonus courses, things like that. Check out that tour that you’re on, it’s probably already sold out by now when you’re watching this or listening, but check it out, maybe can get a ticket. What else can they do besides getting the book, following you on social media, your websites?

Marie Forleo: Yeah. I think use this simple idea. You know, just take this on. I like to just tell people, “Try it before you deny it.” you know, for folks that are skeptical, like is everything Figureoutable?

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: There are actually three simple rules I’ll run through them really fast.

Lewis Howes: Okay.

Marie Forleo: Because it helps us have this mental container.

Lewis Howes: Perfect.

Marie Forleo: An eight year old asked me when I was first writing the book like, “Marie no! Everything is not Figureoutable.” And I said, “What do you mean?” He’s like, “Well, I can’t grow human working wings out of my back and fly.” And I was like, “Well, that’s true right now. We don’t know where we’re going.” 

Lewis Howes: Yeah, exactly.

Marie Forleo: [01:13:42 – inaudible] first on the – upright?

Lewis Howes: Exactly.

Marie Forleo: But we can indeed fly and he was like, “Oh, yeah.” And then he said, “You know, well, I can’t bring my childhood dog back from the dead.” And I said, “Well, not yet, but cloning is happening. And we are, you know, kind of people are looking at cryogenic and stuff.” He’s like, “Oh, I get it.” So here’s the three rules: All problems or dreams are figureoutable.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: Rule number two, if a problem isn’t figureoutable, it’s not a problem, it’s a fact of life —

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: –like death, gravity, laws of nature. Rule number three, you may not care enough to solve this particular problem or reach this particular dream and that’s okay. Find something that you do care deeply about and go back to rule number one. And what that little set of rules does is it helps us create a mental container with which we can use this idea for its highest intention, which is our own growth, our own learning, and our own capability to develop ourselves to make meaningful change in ourselves and the world around us.

Lewis Howes: It’s good, yeah.

Marie Forleo: Yeah. And we do have stories in there for anyone listening is like wait, but what about like terminal illness?

Lewis Howes: Yeah, exactly.

Marie Forleo: Or the loss of a child or any of these hard truths that we humans face.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm, right.

Marie Forleo: We have stories in there from folks. Also have one quick one before we go.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo:  A woman named Jen wrote to us, she said, “I watched her Oprah talk about Everything Is Figureoutable. I actually watched it with my mom because that’s a lesson she’s been trying to teach me my whole life and we both loved it. She said then though everything changed. My mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and suddenly, nothing seemed figureoutable. 

But when she said she took a step back, and looked at it from a different perspective, things were, she could find nursing care for her mom who lived in a rural area, she could find foods that she could tolerate, and she could get medical equipment, which would allow her mom to spend her last days and in fact, her last five weeks in her home —

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Marie Forleo:  –which is where she wanted to be. So she wrote and she said, “It actually turns out that everything is figureoutable and thank you for sharing that talk which made a difference to me and my mom who live on the other side of the world.”

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Marie Forleo:  So I just wanted to say that for anyone listening –

Lewis Howes: Yeah, off course.

Marie Forleo:  — who is just like struggling with one of those really difficult, hard truths —

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Marie Forleo:  –that there’s still an ability to use this idea to awaken and any power that you have within yourself to figure out things that will make a tremendous difference, even in the midst of really challenging circumstance.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, that’s powerful. Two final questions, this is called the three truths question.

Marie Forleo: Oh, boy.

Lewis Howes: [01:16:21 – inaudible] at the end.

Marie Forleo: Okay.

Lewis Howes: So imagine you’ve accomplished everything you want…

Marie Forleo: Yes.

Lewis Howes: And you live as long as you want, but at one point, you got to go.

Marie Forleo: Yes.

Lewis Howes: Okay? You’re 100 – 200, whatever you want to be, as long as you want to be. And you’ve created everything again that you want, but for whatever reason, you’ve got to take all your work with you. All your written words, your audio, your video…

Marie Forleo: Taken it with us?

Lewis Howes: — books, whatever, everything that you created, it’s got to go with you to the next world, wherever it’s going.

Marie Forleo: Okay.

Lewis Howes: So there’s no more access to it.

Marie Forleo: Okay.

Lewis Howes: But you have a piece of paper and a pen to write down three things you know to be true about your entire life, and the lessons you learned that you would share with the world. That’s your final three lessons to the world.

Marie Forleo: Okay.

Lewis Howes: That they would have to remember you by but also is kind of like a guide for their life.

Marie Forleo: Okay.

Lewis Howes: What would you say are your three truths?

Marie Forleo: Not trying to screw all this, they would all – it would be this, Everything Is Figureoutable.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Marie Forleo: Everything is figureoutable. Oh, and by the way, everything is figureoutable. I’m not kidding.

Lewis Howes: There you go, does it good, does it great.

Marie Forleo: It would. It would be it. [laughs]

Lewis Howes: Okay, perfect, symbol. And final question is, what’s your definition of greatness?

Marie Forleo: My definition of greatness inspired by how I see success, inspired by the great Maya Angelou. “Success is liking who I am, liking what I do, and liking how I do it.” So I think greatness is an expression of that, an extension of that of liking who you are, liking what you do, and liking how you do it. I think of those things are aligned; any one of us can feel that sense of greatness.

Lewis Howes: Marie Forleo. Love it. Thank you.

Marie Forleo: Thank you.

Lewis Howes: Appreciate it. 

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There you have it my friend; I hope you enjoyed this episode big fan of Marie Forleo. And if you have not checked her stuff out yet make sure to subscribe, make sure to get her new book all around social media and share this episode with one friend, text a friend who you think this might help through the wisdom, and the knowledge, and the lessons that Marie shares here today. Post it on your Instagram story, tag Marie Forleo, tag myself Lewis Howes and you can be a champion, you can be a hero to someone today by sending them this free resource and helping them improve their business, their life, their relationships. And that’s what this is all about to help people grow and reach their potential. And as you know, when you reach your potential, there’s always more potential to be found and to be created after that. So this is a never ending process. 

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You’re an amazing human being. I’m so happy that you decided to show up for yourself today to improve your life, to improve your business, to improve the wisdom that’s already within you so that you can take actions on your dreams and reach your potential.

Charles Schulz said, “There is no heavier burden than an unfulfilled potential.” Don’t let the burden of wasting your life away hold you back anymore. You can take the steps each day, you can fail, you can make mistakes, but just keep moving forward so you don’t have that burden weighing on your chest.

I love you so very much. And you know what time it is… It’s time to go out there and do something great.

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