New book from NYT bestselling author Lewis Howes is now available!

New book from NYT bestselling author Lewis Howes is now available!


Marisa Peer

The Biggest Lies We Ourselves In Relationships


What’s holding you back from finding lasting love?

We all want to find love. We desire the companionship, affection, and intimacy that a healthy relationship provides. But sometimes, we can be our own worst enemy when it comes to finding and keeping love. So what holds us back from lasting love? What’s the one thing that stands in the way of us in having a happy love life? 

Friends, welcome back to The School of Greatness. Today’s guest is Marisa Peer. She is the creator of Rapid Transformational Therapy® (RTT®), which is a neuroscience-based pioneering therapy that potentially offers quick and effective results by combining the most beneficial principles of Psychotherapy, Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), and Hypnotherapy.

In this episode, we discuss the biggest lies we tell ourselves in relationships, what keeps most of us from finding lasting love, what needs to be aligned in our lives for a relationship to work, and so much more. This is going to be powerful for so many of you whether you’re in a relationship or not, and I’m sure you all are going to love this. So sit back, relax, and let the class begin.

Who Is Marisa Peer?

Marisa Peer is a highly successful motivational speaker, hypnotherapist trainer, relationship therapist, nutritionist, and bestselling author of the book, I Am Enough: Mark Your Mirror And Change Your Life. Marisa is using hypnosis to overcome fear and manage weight loss, anxiety, and addiction. She has spent more than 30 years working with CEOs and popular personalities like actors, Olympic athletes, rock stars, and even royalties. 

Her other books are Trying to Get Pregnant, You Can Be Thin, Ultimate Confidence, and You Can Be Younger. She’s also an expert in subjects like infertility (pregnancy), career, fears and phobias, low self-esteem, stage fright, weight loss, hypnosis, addiction, and relationships. Lately, she’s written a new book called Tell Yourself a Better Lie: Use the power of Rapid Transformational Therapy to edit your story and rewrite your life. It is a powerful book, and I recommend you check it out. This is actually the second interview I’ve done with Marisa Peer. So if you haven’t listened to our first conversation, make sure to check it out. But in this episode, we’ll talk about relationships and the biggest lies we tell ourselves about them.

The Biggest Lies We Tell Ourselves in Relationships

Everyone tells themselves little white lies in their relationships from time to time. It could be something small, like pretending you’re okay when you’re really not. But sometimes the lies we tell ourselves can be much bigger and can end up doing a lot more damage, so it’s important to address them head-on. Our guest, Marisa, shared with us the biggest lie she told herself and how she managed it.

“‘I’m not lovable, so I better work for love. I better pretend I’m amazing, or always be at the gym, or look a certain way so I can convince everyone that I’m lovable.’ But in convincing them, it didn’t work because I could convince them but I hadn’t convinced myself. So I convinced someone else [that] I’m so great, but I didn’t believe it, which made me act out. … The lie is, ‘I am not worthy of love. … You’ll be disappointed one day if I don’t always look amazing, or be an amazing mom, or keep an amazing house, [or] if I don’t always earn enough money.’” – Marisa Peer

It’s normal to feel like you’re not good enough at times. We all have moments where we don’t feel confident in ourselves. However, it’s important to remember that these negative thoughts are just lies that we tell ourselves. The truth is, you are lovable and you are worthy of love and happiness. So don’t let these negative thoughts hold you back from being your best self! Believe in yourself, and remind yourself how lovable you are every day. 

“If you’re vulnerable and authentic, people love you for who you are, not the facade you built.” @MarisaPeer  

What Keeps Most of Us From Finding Lasting Love

Do you find yourself continuously drawn to the wrong type of partner? Are you always attracting people who are emotionally unavailable or abusive? If so, there may be something holding you back from finding lasting love. 

“The greatest problem in finding and creating lasting love is … people stay with the wrong person because they fear they won’t ever get any better, … and the fear of being alone makes us hook up with the wrong person. But [for me,] … I’d rather be alone for the rest of my life than be with the wrong person. … When I decided that if I’m alone for the rest of my life, it’s okay [because] I’ve got people I love, …  I had a lot of love.” – Marisa Peer

The fear of being alone is a real thing. It’s what makes us enter into relationships with the wrong people time and time again. We’re so desperate for someone to be with us that we’ll settle for anyone who will have us. But is that really what we want? To be stuck in a relationship with someone we don’t even like, just because we’re afraid of being alone? There’s nothing wrong with wanting someone to be there for us. But let’s not let our fear of being alone control our lives. Let’s take some time to figure out what it is we really want and go after it. 

“So the belief that trauma bonds you together forever — I’m not sure that’s a good idea. I think it might work for some people, right? You just have to think of a better belief. Just decide, ‘I’m lovable.’ … My grandmother used to say, ‘Every pan has its lid.’ So you are someone’s lid and someone’s your pan. You’re someone’s fantasy dream come true. Someone will find you deeply lovable just the way you are, but you can’t make them believe it. If you don’t believe it, you can’t make someone believe you’re worthy of love.” – Marisa Peer

It can be tough to believe in yourself when you don’t feel like you’re good enough. If you don’t believe it, you can’t make someone else believe it. But if you want to find love, you have to start with believing that you’re worthy of it. Sometimes, all it takes is one person to show that they believe in you and give you the confidence boost you need. So find someone who believes in you, and let them help guide the way. You never know where it might lead.

“The only thing you’ll ever need to do to find love is only one thing — convince yourself you are worthy of it until it is because a conviction is a conviction. I’m now convinced — it is not a fleeting thought. It’s an absolute conviction, and convictions come over time. So tell yourself, ‘I am lovable, and I’m worthy’ until it is an unshakable belief.” – Marisa Peer

Believing that you are worthy of love and deserving of happiness is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. You have to believe in yourself and your abilities. One of the best ways to do that is by telling yourself over and over again that you are lovable and worthy. By doing this, you will start to believe it as an unshakeable truth, and when you believe in yourself, anything is possible. So start telling yourself today that you are amazing, and watch your relationships align and change for the better.

What Needs to Be Aligned for a Relationship to Work

It’s no secret that relationships take work, but what many people don’t realize is that there are a lot of things that need to be aligned in order for a relationship to truly work. To make it work, both people need to be on the same page and aligned with each other. That means their goals, values, and beliefs need to be in alignment. If they’re not, there will always be tension and conflict. Alignment is key for a successful relationship, and Marisa shared with us the most important things that need to be aligned for a relationship to work.

“I think lifestyle is the [most important]. … The number one thing we fight about is money, and the second is chores, even if they have a housekeeper. So that must tell you that lifestyle is everything you see. You don’t have to have the same values. You could be of a different religion. … We could come from a different culture and we can work that out. … So lifestyle is important. Values are important too. And goals and dreams are important.” – Marisa Peer

Oftentimes when we think about relationships, the first thing that comes to mind is love. But what happens when love fades? What keeps a relationship together when the passion dies? The answer is often compatibility in lifestyle. If you and your partner don’t have compatible lifestyles, the relationship is likely to fail. That’s not to say that it’s impossible for a relationship with different lifestyles to work, but it’s definitely harder. So, before you enter into any kind of serious relationship, make sure you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to lifestyle.

Why You Should Listen to This Marisa Peer Podcast Episode Right Now…

Guys, this is such a wonderful interview with so many words of wisdom from my friend, Marisa Peer. Listen to the full episode for more, and share this with someone who you think would love this as well. If you enjoyed the episode, post it on Instagram and tag Marisa, @marisapeertherapy, and me, @lewishowes, and let me know what you think about this episode. 

Follow Marisa Peer on social media. She’s on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. You may also like to subscribe to her YouTube channel for access to her new videos every week. Check out her website, as well. She’s giving a gift to help you get started on your path to becoming the best you.

If you loved this episode, make sure you subscribe to The School of Greatness over on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, and leave us a 5-star rating and review on what you thought about this episode.

Friends, join me on Episode 1228 to learn about reshaping your negative thoughts and beliefs about relationships with the wonderful Marisa Peer! It’ll change your life! 

To Greatness,

Lewis Howes - Signature

“The only thing you ever need to do to find love is to have the conviction that you are lovable.” @MarisaPeer  

Some Questions I Ask:

  • What happens if you don’t show your authentic self immediately in a relationship?
  • How do we reconnect if we feel disconnected?
  • What should we think or feel when we are dating a new person? How do we know if we should move forward with them?

In this episode, you will learn:

  • The biggest lies we tell ourselves in relationships.
  • What keeps most of us from finding lasting love.
  • What needs to be aligned for a relationship to work.
  • How to know if you’re with the right partner.
  • Plus much more…
Connect with
Marisa Peer

Transcript of this Episode

Music Credits:


Kaibu by Killercats

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