Are you tired of negative beliefs holding you back? It’s exhausting to fight constantly against negative beliefs to pursue what makes us happy and fulfilled.
Thankfully, it’s not all doom and gloom! Today’s guest has spent over 30 years working with people including royalty, rock stars, actors, Olympic athletes, CEOs, and people just like you to overcome negative beliefs and reach new heights of success.
Today’s guest is Marisa Peer, a British therapist who’s created the award-winning Rapid Transformational Therapy. Marisa is a bestselling author, hypnotherapist trainer, and motivational speaker. She’s written a new book called, Tell Yourself a Better Lie: Use the power of Rapid Transformational Therapy to edit your story and rewrite your life.
I’m such a fan of this topic. So many stories we’ve told ourselves hold us back from going after what we want. In this episode, we discuss how the lies you tell yourself are constantly holding you back, how to reshape your thoughts to begin loving yourself more, the three steps to manifesting change in your life, how to bridge the gap between recognizing you need to heal and then actually healing, and how to put yourself first.
Marisa Peer is the author of I Am Enough and creator of Rapid Transformational Therapy®️(RTT). Marisa Peer is an English best-selling author, nutritionist, relationship therapist, hypnotherapist trainer, and motivational speaker. She uses hypnosis for anxiety, weight loss, addiction, and overcoming fear.
Besides I Am Enough, Marisa Peer is also the author of You Can Be Thin, Ultimate Confidence, Trying to Get Pregnant (And Succeeding), and You Can Be Younger. Her specialist subjects include hypnosis, infertility (pregnancy), fears/phobias, stage fright, low self-esteem, confidence/self-esteem, weight loss, relationships, careers, addictions, and childhood problems.
Marisa has been on the show twice before, discussing ‘How your thoughts will heal or kill you’ in Episode 695 and ‘How to change your mind to attract love, abundance and wealth’ in Episode 949.
I’m excited to bring you more of Marisa’s wisdom — so let’s jump right in!
The lies we tell ourselves and the stories we create because of them are more damaging than we realize. Once we recognize the lies we tell ourselves, we can make positive changes. Marisa suggests that instead of avoiding lying, you should start telling yourself better lies.
“Our greatest pain is from the lies we tell ourselves. When you [say], ‘I’m the size of a house. If I look at a cake, I gain a pound. My kid is making me want to jump out of a window. This freeway would be the death of me.’ None of those things are true. If you are prepared to lie to yourself, why not tell yourself a better lie? Your mind doesn’t know [the difference], and it really doesn’t care if what you tell it is good or bad, true or false.” – Marisa Peer
The language we use is critical, and Marisa’s easy examples demonstrate how to reverse typical negative thoughts:
“Every thought you think you make real, and if you doubt that, think [about how your body reacts when] you think of something embarrassing — you blush. If you think of something sad, your eyes fill up with tears. If you think of food, your stomach rumbles. If you tell yourself a better lie, your body will work very hard to make that thought real.” – Marisa Peer
Every thought you think causes both the physical and emotional response, which is why if you think better thoughts, you get better emotional reactions and better responses.
One of the ways to use these better lies is to let go of expectations of what we wished we heard from others and start saying them to ourselves.
Our mind is hardwired to revert to what it knows because it’s familiar. If you grew up in a house where you received a lot of praise like, “You offer the world so much,” or even, “Someone out there will adore you,” you will expect that. Unfortunately, that isn’t the norm. For most of us, criticism is the norm, and so because criticism is familiar, we reject praise. Even worse, we begin to criticize ourselves.
“One of the biggest things to change in your life is to make praise familiar. Simple praise like, ‘I’m a good person, I have a good heart, [and] I think good thoughts.’ One of the most powerful things to do in therapy is to think of the words you’ve always wanted to hear and to start saying them yourself.” – Marisa Peer
What would a great partner say? “You’re the one! I just love your voice! I love everything about you!” What would a great boss say? “You’re indispensable for this company.”
Usually, the story we tell ourselves is that we’ll never hear those words. If we give up, we stop trying, which means we get nothing. We’ve given our power away to someone else, but if you decide to put yourself first and tell yourself what you most want to hear, you take your power back.
“[Say], ‘I matter, I’m here for a reason, I’m a good person, I’m lovable.’ … The most important words you’ll hear in your entire life are the words you say to yourself. Nothing would change your life more than letting in praise [and] not letting in destructive criticism. In my years of being a therapist, [I’ve] seen over and over — [if] I can get people to let in praise and not let in criticism, it changes their entire life.” – Marisa Peer
That’s an incredible insight from all Marisa’s years as a therapist. How significantly do you think your life would change if you accepted praise?
Accepting praise helps transform a negative mindset into a positive one — which turns out to be crucial in manifesting.
I’ve had loads of discussions on the podcast about manifesting good relationships, the career you want, a new business, or financial abundance. Listening to Marisa talk about being stuck in a negative thought routine makes me wonder if it is possible to manifest or accomplish what we want in a negative thought routine?
“No, you can’t manifest when you are negative. [People often say], ‘I want money but when you have [the] money you never know who your friends are. I want to be sexy, but I don’t want unwanted attention.’ The problem is the mind is like a missile. You’ve got to really identify what you want to manifest anything. To manifest, you have to do three things. The first is you have to decide you are worth it. ‘I’m worthy of love, I’m worthy of a phenomenal relationship, I’m worthy of success.’ – Marisa Peer
What powerful words to tell ourselves: “I’m worth it.” Marisa believes step one alone is at least 80% of manifesting, but many people try to manifest without genuinely feeling they’re worthy.
For example, you might be trying to manifest wealth but don’t think you’re capable of keeping it. Once you master the first step and believe you are worthy, you can move into step two.
“Then there’s a second part which is what does it look like? You must know — what does it look like? If you don’t know, how will you go after it? The mind will go after something it is clear about. [If] you say, ‘I want a really flat stomach.’ What does that look like? It looks like not eating so many carbs, not eating late at night, [and] going into the gym.” – Marisa Peer
Often we see someone else’s results and want what they have without understanding their effort to create it. Step two helps build our understanding of what we need to do to manifest our desire. Even once we’ve mastered step two though, step three is crucial to making what we want a reality.
“The third part is, what are you going to do? If you really want a six-pack, you might have to do 300 sit-ups a day, and if you’re not prepared to do that, you don’t want it enough. You have to be very clear about, ‘I’m worth it, I know what it looks like, and what [I am] going to do to get it.” – Marisa Peer
Too many people believe manifesting is about thinking what you want, sitting on the couch, and believing it’s going to turn up, but you must leave the house. If you believe you are lovable, know the kind of person you want, and put yourself in front of them, you give yourself the chance of dating them. You can’t do one of the three, or even two of the three — you must do all three.
Now that we understand the importance of positivity, let’s look at how we can heal our past traumas to start bridging the gap between telling ourselves better lies and believing we’re worthy.
Are we able to believe we’re worthy? If we haven’t started to heal, though, can we just say, “I’m worthy,” even if, hypothetically, my parents abandoned me? And if so, how do we bridge the gap from starting to tell ourselves a better lie to knowing we’re worthy and healing?
“You know, that’s such a great question. In the book, I invite you to imagine any baby that’s just been born. They never go, ‘Don’t look at me, I’ve got milk spots,’ [or,] ‘I’ve got these triple thighs. I haven’t got any clothes on.’ Every person is born believing they’re lovable. We know we’re lovable as a child because we demand attention. Then it gets chipped away, and you begin to buy into, ‘I’m not worthy.’ [Instead of] justifying why you are not lovable, go right back to the beginning [when] you were born certain that you were lovable. You have to reactivate what’s in you.” – Marisa Peer
By uncovering what has become buried deep within us, we can begin to heal the reasons ‘I am worthy’ was covered up in the first place. When it comes to healing, we have a misconception around how long the process takes, but healing is actually making a decision to think better thoughts.
“No matter where you are in your life thought comes first. Your thoughts create your feelings, which create your actions, which create your behaviors. Even your belief is nothing more than a thought you think a lot. It’s like a loop.” – Marisa Peer
Instead of allowing a negative thought like “I’m not worthy of love” to descend into a negative loop, simply remove the “not” and compare the difference in outcomes. Instead of feeling sad and defeated, which leads to acting out or becoming demanding or needy, you think you’re lovable, making you optimistic, reassured, and confident. When you believe someone will love you, your behavior changes, and you take risks like talking to people and looking them in the eye.
“Healing is just saying, ‘I came from a place with no money. However, I am worthy of everything I want [and] can have everything I want.’ If you just change the thought, which always comes first, everything else will take care of itself. Start looking for examples of how it’s true because whatever you look for, you will find.” – Marisa Peer
We move toward what we already believe, and we end up getting more of what we believe. Marisa says even if we hardly find any proof of our better thoughts, it doesn’t matter. Do it anyway because eventually, it becomes true.
Guys, this episode was filled with so much information that I couldn’t fit it all into this post. To hear Marisa share even more with you about getting rid of negative beliefs, listen to the full episode right now! Don’t forget to share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. You could change someone’s life.
Marisa’s three-step process is powerful to ensure that what we intend to manifest in our lives comes to fruition. Having read this post, I’d like to challenge you to implement those three steps and use this post as a catalyst to change something in your life right now. What do you want to change? Once you’ve sat with that question and have your answer:
You’ve got this! I believe you can use these three steps to create meaningful change in your life.
To learn more about Marisa and her work, visit her website, or pick up a copy of her new book, Tell Yourself a Better Lie: Use the Power of Rapid Transformational Therapy to edit your story and rewrite your life. Also, if you liked what you heard today, tag Marisa, @marisapeertherapy, and me, @lewishowes, on Instagram with your greatest takeaways!
I usually end my show off with the following words, but after today’s episode with Marisa, it seems to have extra special weight: If no one’s told you lately, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. Now it’s time to go out there and do something great.