5 Things YOU MUST Eliminate from Your Life

A Journey To Greatness (This Will Inspire You!)

 
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Gabby Bernstein

Healing Trauma and Spiritual Freedom

YOU ATTRACT WHAT YOU ARE

Sometimes to reach the next level in our lives, we must dig deeper.

Often, we need to forgive ourselves.

We still need to attend to wounds we thought were previously healed.

You must show compassion to that inner child who experienced trauma.

 

Replace negative thoughts with thoughts of love and compassion.

That’s how we continue to grow and evolve.

Our healing does not happen when we hide in the darkness.

 

We must bring our issues into the light.

It is a process we all go through.

We must let go of the past and embrace our future.

The road to recovery is a journey, not a destination.

In today’s episode of The School of Greatness, I talk about forgiveness, mental health, and attraction with: Gabrielle Bernstein.

 

“Willingness is the catalyst for change.” @GabbyBernstein  

Gabrielle Bernstein is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Universe Has Your Back, and has written five additional bestsellers. She has been on an international speaking circuit since 2004. She has presented lectures at Google, TEDxWomen, Oprah’s SuperSoul Sessions, The Chopra Center, The Omega Institute, L’Oréal, Philosophy, and The Huffington Post, among many other notable organizations.

Gabrielle is a certified Kundalini yoga and meditation teacher. She is trained in the Emotional Freedom Technique, and she’s a student of Transcendental Meditation, as taught by the David Lynch Foundation.

So get ready to learn how to become a Super Attractor on Episode 865.

“We attract what we are.” @GabbyBernstein  

Some Questions I Ask:

  • What is your advice for someone who is doing the work, but it’s not manifesting? (13:50)
  • How do we recover fully from trauma? (19:00)
  • What is the Choose Again method? (23:30)
  • How do we appreciate and appreciate more? (35:20)
  • What are the three biggest lessons from motherhood? (46:20)
  • What is your greatest accomplishment? (54:00)
  • How do you know if you are fully healed? (57:20)

In this episode, you will learn:

  • What to do about your fear of being judged. (11:00)
  • Why you should decide to feel good (14:00)
  • How you can make it through postpartum depression. (15:00)
  • Why we have to eliminate the stigmas around mental illness (17:00)
  • The importance of forgiveness. (19:00)
  • How to attract joy into your life. (24:50)
  • How to replace your negative thoughts. (25:45)
  • The power of appreciation and gratitude. (33:00)
  • The difference between spirit guides and intuition. (39:00)
  • Plus much more…
Connect with
Gabby Bernstein

Transcript of this Episode

Male Announcer: This is episode number 865 with #1 New York Times bestselling author Gabby Bernstein.

[background music]

Lewis Howes: Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today and now let the class begin.

[background music]

The inspirational Fred Rogers said “Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.”

If you are a big fan of Mr. Rogers like I was, and you enjoyed his constant message to help you feel more at home, to allow you to understand and talk about those feelings that seems scary, seem messy, seemed shameful, then you’re going to love this episode.

Gabby Bernstein is a dear friend. She’s a #1 New York Times bestselling author of six books, and an international speaker, and spirit junkie. She’s spoken on Oprah stage at her Super Soul sessions and was named as a new thought leader on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday, or she was included in the Oprah Winfrey Network in their Super Soul 100. She has presented lectures at Google, TEDx women, the Chopra Center, the Omega Institute, L’Oreal Philosophy and the Huffington Post and many others. Gabby appears regularly as an expert on the Dr. Oz Show, and Mashable included Gabby, and his list of 11 must follow Twitter accounts for inspiration. 

And her latest book will blow you away. I’ve been diving in and loving it. It’s called Super Attractor. And Gabby lays out essential methods for manifesting a life beyond your wildest dreams. Super Attractor’s out right now.

And in this episode we talked about why people feel they need to constantly defend themselves. Man, I have been there in my past, especially when you feel unjustly attacked, right? We want to defend ourselves. Gabby’s personal struggle with postpartum depression, and how it’s drawn her to working with new mothers, the power of having gratitude for life’s challenges, the differences between having spiritual guides and intuition, the biggest lessons she learned from motherhood, and her important advice for young women. This one is powerful. And Gabby opens up about some very, very personal intimate things in this episode. So please be aware and share her some love when you listen to it, and when you hear what she’s talking about.

Feel free to spread the messages have other women who you think might be going through similar challenges. Listen to this episode as well, you can just send them a direct link on Apple podcast, or Spotify, or wherever you’re listening to this or you can send them to lewishowes.com/865 and have them connect with you on this message. Be a champion in another person’s life today by sending them this episode. 

And before we dive in, big thank you to our sponsors for helping us continue to improve this podcast. First one being calm: If you’ve ever struggled with sleep these days, you’re not alone. And if you’re not sleeping enough, it can affect your cognitive functions during the day like learning, problem solving, making decisions or maybe even you get too defensive during the day because you’re not getting enough sleep. When we sleep well we’re more focused, more relaxed and best of all, sleep just makes us happier. And that’s why we’re partnering with Calm the #1 app for sleep. 

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And a big thank you to our sponsor, HempFusion. Now there’s a lot of confusion around CBD these days and not all CBD is created equally. Adding HempFusion CBD to your daily routine adds up to a lot of benefits for your health. And our bodies already make cannaboids, and plant based CBD helps naturally balance our body. But unlike other CBD brands who just offer CBD, HempFusion is CBD plus omegas, plus terpenes to help you feel 100%. They do this because CBD works best for your body when combined with other powerful nutrients. They then add other natural ingredients to create products that help specifically with stress, sleep, and energy. Everything they do adds up to a better product that adds up to a better day for you. HempFusion it all adds up. Available both online, and at natural product retailers near you, and shipped anywhere in the US. 

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A big thank you to our sponsors today. And without further ado, let’s dive into this episode with the one and only Gabby Bernstein.

[background music]

Lewis Howes: Welcome back everyone to the School of Greatness podcast. We’ve got my dear friend Gabby Bernstein in the house. I’m so glad you’re here. It’s amazing to see you. Congrats on all the success is incredible. 

Gabby Bernstein: Thank you. 

Lewis Howes: You’ve got this book out called Super Attractor: Methods for Manifesting a Life Beyond Your Wildest Dreams. I’m telling you, I think this is your best work.

Gabby Bernstein: You know, before you are saying that, and I like, I wrote I wrote my book The Universe Has Your Back –

Lewis Howes: That was amazing.

Gabby Bernstein: And it helped a lot of people.

Lewis Howes: That was amazing.

Gabby Bernstein: I was so scared when I put this out, I was like because this is kind of a sequel. It’s the kind of next step for The Universe.

Lewis Howes: Uh-huh.

Gabby Bernstein: And I was nervous because I was thinking, “Oh, no, are people going to have the same more heartfelt experience with this book as they had with The Universe?” And they’ve said, “It’s better.” 

Lewis Howes: It’s amazing. Yeah. 

Gabby Bernstein: So I’m very pleased. 

Lewis Howes: Now you had an email that you wrote a few days ago that I saw. 

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: That was really interesting. 

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah. 

Lewis Howes: That you wrote this email. It was about how you apologize to your audience, for essentially not being present on a book tour that you’re on for being disconnected.

Gabby Bernstein: Well, during the book signing. Yeah.

Lewis Howes: During the book signing. I’m not sure what went down, I read the email, and I was like, “Wow, that’s really powerful.”

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: I’m assuming that you got some negative feedback from your superfans who showed up. 

Gabby Bernstein: Right. 

Lewis Howes: What happened? 

Gabby Bernstein: So a lot more people showed up than we expected. 

Lewis Howes: A lot more?

Gabby Bernstein: Yes, yes. And I didn’t have enough volunteers. It was our first event. We were kind of off the rails. It was off the rails.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm. 

Gabby Bernstein: And I can only be the one that’s like, you know, as at the end of the day, it’s my business, I can’t blame anybody else. You know, it’s my face on the book, right?

So we didn’t have enough books. For we boldy bought them about 400 people didn’t get their books or maybe 200 people didn’t get their books we’d have to send them later.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Gabby Bernstein: I didn’t actually don’t even need to get into the details.

Lewis Howes: Sure, sure.

Gabby Bernstein: Coz the details don’t matter. Because of that chaos I felt out of control. And that’s a trigger for me.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm. 

Gabby Bernstein: And we know we talked a lot about these triggers.

Lewis Howes: Scorpios need to be in control? [laughs]

Gabby Bernstein: Scorpio, but even just my like my history, like–

Lewis Howes: Yeah, the addictive personality history, everything, yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: The  trauma and the history like I don’t feel safe when I’m feeling very out of control. This was tons of people coming at me, and my team is not doing the moves that they need to do to keep it organized.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: So I kind of just like, you know, just kind of got up and was like “Okay, guys, we have to move this along.” And like, I wasn’t the teacher that they came to see in that moment. And you know, somebody might have been like, “Okay, she’s tired.” But in a few cases people were like, “That’s not right. This is – I drove here five hours to be with you. And I wanted my photo. And I wanted to have a moment with you.” And the thing is, I woke up that morning feeling so hangover because I was like, “Wait, the only reason I do this is to make people feel good, is to help people feel good.”

And so even if I’m having a human experience, I can do that with grace, right? I can say, “Yeah, guys, it’s getting chaotic here but how can we work it out?”

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: So anyway, I did what I’ve been in recovery for 14 years. So I have a good program of owning my side of the street. 

Lewis Howes: Right.

Gabby Bernstein: So I was like, I just gave everybody a lot of excuses for why this happened. But the real big thing was to not make any excuses, right?

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Gabby Bernstein: So in that blog, I just said, “This isn’t my highest self and I apologize. And I promise to make it up to all of you, and look you all in the eye.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Gabby Bernstein: And honor every book I ever signed for the rest of my life. And the beauty of that was not that people responded so beautifully and you know we’re grateful for that message, but since that day had many book signings, they’ve had really nice intimate moments with people, even if it’s for a split second, because I’m making sure that I look everyone in the eye.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: And there’s been plenty of book signings over the last 15 years that I have looked people in the eye, and prayed with them, and you know help them, but there’s human moments when you fall off the rails. [laughs]

Lewis Howes: Sure. I hear you.

Gabby Bernstein: But it was good. I said to my team, I was like, “I won’t actually be able to move forward if I ignore this. I have to apologize.”

Lewis Howes: Wow. Did it affect that many people in your mind, it wasn’t just like one or two?

Gabby Bernstein: No, I mean like 15, 20 people –

Lewis Howes: Got you.

 Gabby Bernstein: Actually saw that like moment of attitude. But –

Lewis Howes: But still.

Gabby Bernstein: — it was – and then there are people that didn’t get their books. And there was disappointment all around but from my end of the street, that even if it was two people that were – only two people email that and about it, but it was enough for me to apologize.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, yeah, that’s good that you were able to see and be responsible for what you want to create, and also be the example. And not just say, “I’m better than you do. I’ve got better things to do, yeah.”

Gabby Bernstein: Oh, yeah. No, it’s like we apologized. And then I allow that to be a vlog where I could say this is how I apologize, and maybe that will serve you too.

Lewis Howes: Yeah. 

Gabby Bernstein: And the biggest thing is to not make excuses even though I made a bunch of excuses just now.

Lewis Howes: Sure.

Gabby Bernstein: But you know we want to defend ourselves when we’ve done something wrong. And we want to –

Lewis Howes: Yeah, yeah. Gosh, I hear you.

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah. And then honestly the best thing to do is just be like, [inaudible]. 

Lewis Howes: Yeah. 

Gabby Bernstein: And yeah, maybe other people are involved but I own my side of the street. I own my part here. 

Lewis Howes: I love that. 

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: Why do we want to defend ourselves so badly when we feel like someone has tried to wrong us or someone has tried to fight against us or say nasty things or –? 

Gabby Bernstein: Right, right. Well – 

Lewis Howes: They don’t see the full picture.

Gabby Bernstein: There’s many reasons I think that we want to protect ourselves at all costs, no matter what. Because there’s fear of being taking advantage of, fear of being not good enough, fear of being seen in a bad light, fear of being judged. It’s just such a probably one of the greatest fears we have is the fear of being judged, right?

Lewis Howes: Umm.

Gabby Bernstein: So when somebody calls us out on our ****, there might be immediate reaction of defensiveness because we’re ashamed to look at that truth. And then also somebody calls us out on something that isn’t true, then there’s just this feeling of injustice and how was can I –?

Lewis Howes: Yeah, not fair or whatever. 

 

Gabby Bernstein: But it’s being centered enough with the self-love truly, to be able to sit there and say “I want to own my side of the street, I’m going to take care or this isn’t correct.” I’m just not going to respond.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Gabby Bernstein: So you should know. And you have to know the difference when to respond or not to respond. If you are not really in the wrong, respond with humility.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Gabby Bernstein: — and apologize.

Lewis Howes: Yeah. 

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah. 

Lewis Howes: Do you think the biggest thing that holds people back from attracting what they want is a lack of confidence, is a lack of getting out of their own way, because you have these different steps of attracting what you want. Is it a lack of confidence? Is it forcing too much? You say people are forcing so much.

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah. There’s a few different examples I give in the book, there’s the pusher, right? So the person that things said, “If I don’t do it, it won’t happen. If I’m not forcing it, if I’m not pushing it, if I’m not trying to make it happen it won’t happen.”

Lewis Howes: Right. 

Gabby Bernstein: I’m a former pusher.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, I’ve quit. 

Gabby Bernstein: You saw me; I mean we go back many years.

Lewis Howes: Me too, me too yeah. 

Gabby Bernstein: But you know when you – before I – I mean this must have been five years ago we did an interview. And it was before I really understood why I was so in control, why I was [inaudible] be because I hadn’t remembered a trauma. And I had, you know, I was living in fight or flight. I was an extreme pusher.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: And in that energy, we may be able to create some successes but we will never have that life that is what we truly want.

Lewis Howes: Fulfilment, inner peace.

Gabby Bernstein: And we blocked bigger stuff too. We’ve blocked bigger stuff; we block it because our energy is just so frenetic.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: There’s also the person who’s like the manic manifester, who is very a lot of my audience can identify with this. They’re like you know, reading all the books, you know, reading, watching Lewis Howes, watching this meta, you know, doing this meditation every single day… and they’re just like, “why am I not manifesting? Why am I not manifesting?” But it’s because they’ve made their spiritual practice another form of addiction, to big one. 

Lewis Howes: So how do we – so if someone’s doing the steps, and they’re a manic manifester, but they’re not attracting what they want, what is the thing that they need to let go of the most if there are doing the habits and they are doing the steps and they are following your work and?

Gabby Bernstein: You just said it, they just need to let go.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Gabby Bernstein: It’s like you can practice these principles but not because you think you’re going to get something. You have to practice these principles so that you feel good. And this isn’t actually a book on how to get things though it sounds like it. It’s a book on how to feel good. 

Lewis Howes: Yeah. 

Gabby Bernstein: Because when we feel good we’re super attractors.

Lewis Howes: We attract more. Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: Super attractor.

Lewis Howes: So how do we feel good if we’re not feeling good?

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: If we’re feeling stuck, if we’re not getting what we want, when we’re the toxic relationship –

Gabby Bernstein: It’s good, yeah.

Lewis Howes: — we’re unhealthy like, it seems so easy just start feeling good. But –

Gabby Bernstein: No, it’s a whole book on steps too but the first thing I say in the book, which gonna sound a little alarming to people, but is the first step to feeling good is to decide to stop feeling bad. 

Lewis Howes: How do we decide?

Gabby Bernstein: Now, at lot of people out there watching are like, I’m depressed, I’m broke.

Lewis Howes: I’m on medication.

Gabby Bernstein: I’m on medication, I can’t, you know, I don’t- how could I decide to stop feeling bad? Well, I am very proud to say I can speak to this very authentically, as you may have known, I had postpartum depression, and anxiety, and insomnia. And I’m, like about five months into recovery from that. And at my darkest moment, you know, Mother’s Day said, I wanted to kill myself. 

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Gabby Bernstein: Yep, yep.

Lewis Howes: Holy cow!

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah, I know. It was the darkest, that a lot of dark moments in my life. This is the darkest, darkest moment of my life.

Lewis Howes: When having a child was something you wrote about is like a dream years of –

Gabby Bernstein: It’s a biochemical issue that happens to far more women than are actually properly diagnosed with it.

Lewis Howes: Sure.

Gabby Bernstein: A lot of people think, Oh, I’m just anxious because I’m a new mom. No, you’re having a biochemical response to birth.

Lewis Howes: Why do women have that? They wanna like?

Gabby Bernstein: Your brain chemistry changes after you – and its in the months postpartum.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Gabby Bernstein: So that’s what they called postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: And its – you know they look out for the within the first six weeks to see if you have symptoms and whenever you go to a pediatrician or let’s say, you know they’ll ask the mom questions “How are you feeling? Are you sleeping all these things?”

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Gabby Bernstein: They’re looking for it. I was fine for about two, three months. And then I went –

Lewis Howes: Really.

Gabby Bernstein: – my son was sleeping through the night. I was having panic attacks all day, panic attacks through the night. You know how social I am. I couldn’t sit in the front seat of a car with somebody had to sit in the backseat. I would go to parties and cry, I was agoraphobic, I was – And I really hit bottom when I missed an event like I’ve never missed an event.

Lewis Howes: You’re on event or?

Gabby Bernstein: I did give a talk and I didn’t go because I hadn’t slept in two weeks.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Gabby Bernstein: And the night before I didn’t sleep one minute and I woke up that morning and I was like, I’ve never missed an event in 15 years. And I gotta do something about this. And so then I got in touch with the psychiatrist. I went on antidepressants.

Lewis Howes: Wow. 

Gabby Bernstein: Yup. Seven self-help books, right? And like here I am. 

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Gabby Bernstein: I had to it saved my life I would have died, I would have, I would have killed myself. 

Lewis Howes: Really?

Gabby Bernstein: A hundred percent.

Lewis Howes: It was just that much of a chemical?

Gabby Bernstein: I can’t say that I would have killed myself because someone would have intervened before that happened, which is exactly what happened. My therapist intervened. She’s like, your tools aren’t working. I was in two therapy sessions a week, I was talking to sleep doctors. I was –

Lewis Howes: You doing yoga, meditation, your –

Gabby Bernstein: Meditation, yoga, melatonin like every – it wasn’t working. And that’s when my therapist was like, “You have to have medical intervention.”

Lewis Howes: Wow. 

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah. And I’m talking about the medication a lot because I feel like in our world, it’s so frowned upon. But there’s a place for everything. If you had a heart condition, you would take blood thinners without a shadow of a doubt, right? Someone’s like, you will die if you don’t take this. Well, why not with mental illness?

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: Right? And of course, these things are so over prescribed, and I want to really acknowledge that. I don’t think people should just take meds because they’re sad. But if you are depressed, if you are suicidal, if you are having insomnia, and panic attacks, there’s a time in season for that kind of support. But the biggest thing is, when you get that support, what are you going to do with it? And so when my therapist said to me, my psychiatrist said to me, “This will give you an opportunity to do the deep work that you’ve been too afraid to do.”

Lewis Howes: Wow. 

Gabby Bernstein: So I’ve never felt more free in my life, and more happy, and serene, and centered in my life, then after having gone through postpartum depression, because being on the support of the medication and psychiatric help, I was able to be the baseline where I can go into incredibly deep trauma healing work. 

 

Lewis Howes: Like, what did you do? What was that?

Gabby Bernstein: I’m doing EMDR.

Lewis Howes: I heard that’s amazing.

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah, it’s exceptional. I recommend it to everyone. Yeah. And I’m going into the trauma, and I’m literally my body is like, excavated.

Lewis Howes: Ejecting, yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, but didn’t you have a lot of — I mean, you’ve been doing this work for 15 years on yourself, you’ve been doing trauma healing, you’ve been doing therapy healing, you’ve been releasing the past, pains, wounds all these things for years.

Gabby Bernstein: Um-hmm.

Lewis Howes: So are you telling me that they haven’t gone away once you – when you do the healing for 10, 15 years, it’s still there? Is that what you hear?

Gabby Bernstein: You know I said to my side psychiatrist, “I don’t think that 99% of people actually recover from trauma.” And she said 99.9 

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: And so it’s my mission to recover first, and be fully recovered, and be completely free from it, and then write books about it, and teach people, and help people really know a pathway to recovery.

Lewis Howes: How do we recover fully where it’s like you’re the .01%? How does that  because –

Gabby Bernstein: I think recovery looks like, to me recovery looks like forgiveness, recovery looks like you’re no longer triggered, recovery looks like the reactivity the fight or flight, the freeze, the ways that we respond because of the trauma are gone. They’ll be they’re released.

Lewis Howes: And I’m not healed done.

Gabby Bernstein: No, and nor am I. I am but I will tell you I’m much closer.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: I’m so much closer.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Gabby Bernstein: Like little things will, you know, little feeling out of control, like at the book signing that was my trauma response. But I didn’t justify it. You know, I got myself out of it fast. 

Lewis Howes: Yeah. 

Gabby Bernstein: Within 10 minutes of being in that space, I got into a different space but you know I affected 20 people, right?

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: So it’s something that it becomes easier and easier to move out of the more you – and then through EMDR you could actually walk out of an EMDR session just new. Like in a moment be like, that’s clear.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Gabby Bernstein: That’s clear.

Lewis Howes: And not be triggered by it again?

Gabby Bernstein: Yes, that’s right.

Lewis Howes: That’s powerful.

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah. 

Lewis Howes: I feel like our healing process, and correct me if I’m wrong; my experience is our healing process goes through waves. 

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah. It does 100%.

Lewis Howes: Where I was very triggered for 25 years of my life from my traumas, my own personal traumas. Always triggered I was always a happy person, but I was retriggered when –

Gabby Bernstein: Protective.

Lewis Howes: They would hit the button, right?

Gabby Bernstein: You were protective of yourself.

Lewis Howes: When the button would happen I was like, I wanted to kill someone. 

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah, cause-

Lewis Howes: That was my defense mechanism.

Gabby Bernstein: And it’s normal.

Lewis Howes: Then I had multiple downs in my life which I’ve talked about in my books and on the podcast, where it was like the perfect storm of breakdowns probably something similar where you’re like, okay, a perfect storm for you were you wanted to have thoughts about killing yourself. And I finally had an intervention with my best friend. I was like; I don’t want to hang out with you anymore if you continue to be this way.

Gabby Bernstein: Right.

Lewis Howes: You’re so reactive, you’re so negative, and these things happen, like, why are you so reactive? Nothing’s happening. You know, it’s not like someone’s trying to kill you. Someone just said something and you’re so reactive. And that’s what I said, “Okay, I need to start doing some work on myself.”

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: And that’s when I opened up about sexual abuse and other traumas I went through as a kid, and started the process of healing. 

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: Through following your work of acknowledging it speaking the truth and existence, you know, having secrets stuck in my chest.

Gabby Bernstein: A hundred percent. Even just saying out loud, I’ve been sexually abused. I said that in the New York Times, you know what I mean, the most recently, and I had so much shame about that article coming out. I was like, Oh my god, but it was –

Lewis Howes: We don’t know.

Gabby Bernstein: But then, after being so, rather than just saying, Oh, I have childhood trauma, I have been sexually abused.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: Like saying that releases the shame.

Lewis Howes: Right. It’s scary.

Gabby Bernstein: But if everyone’s listening. Don’t say it until you’re ready to say it.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: Because if you’re still holding all that shame, people will feel that shame and your experience.

Lewis Howes: Yeah. And I had a great, you know, kind of group therapy experience where I talked about it in a safe environment.

Gabby Bernstein: Good.

Lewis Howes: And then I talked about with family, then friends.

Gabby Bernstein: Good.

Lewis Howes: Then I started – it was a process. 

Gabby Bernstein: It’s a process. It’s a process.

Lewis Howes: It’s a process and a journey.

Gabby Bernstein: But you know, I was saying earlier was like, “Okay, when we’re feeling like we want to feel better, we have to decide to stop feeling bad.” And so it’s using the postpartum example, because here I was suicidal, totally insomniac, right? Like I was just –

Lewis Howes: Stressed, worried.

Gabby Bernstein: Annihilated. And there was no tool that was working. None of my books would have made any relevant to me in that moment.

Lewis Howes: Wow. Medication was the way?

Gabby Bernstein: The only way, the only way.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: There’s definitely a time and a place. There was the only way if I hadn’t taken the medication I would not be sitting with you right now. 

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: Anyway, but the point is that, that I had to decide to feel better. And so every single day when I would wake up, once I knew I had a diagnosis, and once I was on a healing path, I was every single day, it took me months to get to a stable baseline, months. But I was still struggling, but every single day I would say, “Okay, if you guys had one more hour today?” Or I’m going to celebrate that I work for myself, and I don’t have to go into an office having not slept last night. And just leaning into these small minor things that I could celebrate that were my choice to not feel bad. 

Lewis Howes: Yeah. 

Gabby Bernstein: And as I leaned in, leaned in, leaned in, leaned in, it became more of my reality.

Lewis Howes: Wow. 

Gabby Bernstein: And that’s what I write about in the book. There’s a whole method in the book called The Choose Again Method. And it is – 

Lewis Howes: Choose Again.

Gabby Bernstein: Choose Again.

Lewis Howes: Choose again what? 

Gabby Bernstein: When you notice that you’re in that story and that trauma of your negativity, fear, or judgment attack that’s making you feel bad. Notice it, notice the thought right away. And then you say how is this thought making me feel? That’s step one, notice the thought and how is it making me feel. And the second step is to forgive yourself for having the thought. 

Lewis Howes: Not beating yourself up why – I used to do this all my life.

Gabby Bernstein: Don’t – yes, why am I having that?

Lewis Howes: Why I’m such an idiot? Why am I so stupid? Why can’t I figure this out? What is wrong with me? 

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah. 

Lewis Howes: That was my pattern for years. 

Gabby Bernstein: I know. I know.

Lewis Howes: So how do we get out of that?

Gabby Bernstein: Forgive yourself for having the thought. Forgive the thought – you can’t forgive yourself for having that cause that just feels too heavy for you.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: Just forgive the thought. Like okay, that’s that thought again. That’s from my childhood trauma, that’s from my fear of this, that’s from whatever there it is again. And then the third step is to start to proactively choose again. And this is where we begin to reach for the next best feeling thought. We’ve reached for this is a very influenced by Abraham Hicks, which is written you mentioned 23 times in that book.

Lewis Howes: What is it called? Like the purge of appreciation or something? 

Gabby Bernstein: They do the Rampage of Appreciation.

Lewis Howes: Rampage Of Appreciation, yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah, exactly. So when you want to choose again, and that third step, you’re going to reach for a thought that you believe in. 

Lewis Howes: What if you don’t believe in any good thoughts?

Gabby Bernstein: You have a thought that could be better. And here’s what it could be. It could be I can turn on Lewis Howes podcast right now and that might make me feel better. That’s a thought.

Lewis Howes: Right.

Gabby Bernstein: Right? Or I have that book that I could open a page two, it maybe it’ll give me inspiration, or you know, just something as simple as like, “I’m going to go for a walk for five minutes that might make me feel right.”

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: So and then you keep going, you keep reaching for it. So you reach for the thought, “I’m going to go for a walk, I’m going to let myself feel better.” Then you go for that walk. And “I’m going to just listen to some music, that music might make me feel better.” And the next thought could be, “I actually have dinner tonight with my friends so that will be great and I can bring myself to that.” And I’ve been doing this the whole week. I’ve been on a big book tour with light travel my family, and just little moments of chaos occur, right? I was that –

Lewis Howes: Lots of moments for you, right?

Gabby Bernstein: Lots of moments of chaos. No, actually not, I’m not trying to judge chaos.

Lewis Howes: That’s good.

Gabby Bernstein: I’m pretty- I’m chill man. I am a super attractor. I am doing great.

Lewis Howes: That’s good.

Gabby Bernstein: Yes, I am great. But little things like my credit card got stolen, and I’m on the phone with a credit card company. And I’m trying to get out of the hotel with my son. I have a nanny with me. So like my nanny’s like, “Uh-oh, the baby poop.” And I’m on the phone with the credit card company and there’s no Uber in Santa Fe, and the baby’s pooped, and you’re just like – you know, these moments, and so I started going into the amount of control, I’m freaking out and I notice it really quickly now, I witnessed the thought, I forgive myself for acting out and being rude to the woman at the credit card company, and then I choose again. “Okay, let’s change the poopy diaper. Let’s get in the car.”

Lewis Howes: Let’s have fun with this moment.

Gabby Bernstein: Yes, I could have carried that negative thing all the way down to Santa Fe and having lunch but I decided to turn it around quickly.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: And that’s how we can start to live like that.

Lewis Howes: You talk about you know tracking is fun, making it fun, making the chaos fun like, “Okay everything’s in breakdown.” 

Gabby Bernstein: Yes. 

Lewis Howes: “My life is crazy. Like –“

Gabby Bernstein: Yes.

Lewis Howes: “Let’s have fun with this.” 

 

Gabby Bernstein: Yes, yes, yes. 

Lewis Howes: And by being fun, by being joy, by being the feeling of good you’re going to attract more good more to what have fun.

Gabby Bernstein: 100%.

Lewis Howes: But by focusing on chaos, stress, I’m out of control, I’m anxious, it’s not working the way I wanted to, it’s going to continue to not work the way we want it to.

Gabby Bernstein: We attract what we are. 

Lewis Howes: Yeah. 

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah. Not what we think we need or we want.

Lewis Howes: So we attract more stress if we’re stressed cost. Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: 100%.

Lewis Howes: Now, I’m curious. You had written the book before you had, your child, your son, right? The book is complete?

Gabby Bernstein: I wrote the book while I was pregnant, yeah.

Lewis Howes: While you were pregnant. And it was complete, and then you knew that you had this book tour coming out, and yet you had thoughts of suicide, and you had thoughts of anxiety, and stress, and overwhelm.

Gabby Bernstein: God’s timing is great because –

Lewis Howes: Have been crazy?

Gabby Bernstein: No, but God’s timing is great, because when I was going through that dark moment, I will had enough runway to get back on my feet, before my book launch and everything.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, it wasn’t like two weeks ago, this all happened.

Gabby Bernstein: No, I’d had it been I wouldn’t have been able to do it.

Lewis Howes: Right.

Gabby Bernstein: I wouldn’t be able to do it.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Gabby Bernstein: I will had my runway I was in a good place.

Lewis Howes: So when you – here’s the funny thing, interesting. You talked about the stigma around medicine and about antidepressants, and these different things that people use. And Carson Daly, he came out on the interview with Jay Shetty on Today’s Show, I guess a few days ago and said, “You know, I’m on anti-depressants where I was on them for years, and I felt the shame around them, but they really saved my life.”

Gabby Bernstein: That’s right.

Lewis Howes: They gave me stability.

Gabby Bernstein: That’s right.

Lewis Howes: They help me how to focus.

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: I grew up in a with a father that didn’t believe in medicine because he believed in spiritual healing.

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: And the power of the mind, and healing ourselves with our own thoughts.

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: And my grandfather, his dad, would always say “Yes, I believe in that but I believe in common sense. And like take medicine when you need to.”

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah, and God works through medication.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: God works through doctors. I think that we have to see them; the medication is like a special agent as of course [inaudible] as I use.

Lewis Howes: It’s a tool.

Gabby Bernstein: It’s a tool. It’s even a perceptual shift, right?

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Gabby Bernstein: The day that I picked up, I’d never I was brought up homeopathic so I had never fulfilled a prescription before I went to go get that prescription.

Lewis Howes: Wow. What was that like? Did you feel shame getting in or before –?

Gabby Bernstein: No, I was so grateful for something that would give me relief. I ran there. I ran there.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Gabby Bernstein: And that night I went to the – I went to doing read with my husband, he went with me. I was like, how do I even get the – “You gave us the prescription, we will give you the medications.” I was like, “Is it covered by the insurance?” “Oh, yes, you pay for insurance. You’re good.” So it was like this crazy moment. And then I hadn’t even taken the pill yet because I would have to take it the next morning. And I was at dinner with my husband, all of a sudden, I was like this happy, amazing person, because I was just so grateful that there was something that was going to help me. 

Lewis Howes: Wow. 

Gabby Bernstein: Right? And I don’t think anyone when they’re in dark suffering, and life threatening situation would in any way, deny the support.

Lewis Howes: Of course, I think we should all learn as a society and to not shame people through on some type of medication. I think it’s when you’re —

Gabby Bernstein: I was part of the stigma. I was out there being telling people that would come to me and my talks and say –

Lewis Howes: You don’t need this. 

Gabby Bernstein: I wouldn’t say you don’t need this. I’d never ever, would ever say that. I would say go to your – “Get your therapeutic support.”, but I would say, “But meditate, meditate, meditate.” And I didn’t understand that when you’re having a real mental health condition where you are so, so, so out there to the point of suicide, that meditation won’t work. It will work once you get back into a place of stability.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm. 

Gabby Bernstein: It will work in the sense that if you pray, you’ll be guided. But when you’re in that chaos, there is no stillness. And so it’s letting God work through the medication. 

Lewis Howes: Yeah. 

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah. 

Lewis Howes: A lot of these things – yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: And I think that this happened to me so that I could be this spiritual voice for this. Yes.

Lewis Howes: Are you still on the medication? Or is it –?

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah, I’m trying to get off of it in a few months; I’d like to get pregnant again. I’m on a medication that’s good for breastfeeding and pregnancy or like, okay, for breastfeeding and pregnancy.

Lewis Howes: Sure.

Gabby Bernstein: But I’m going to get off of it in a few months. And, yeah, it’s not something I need to be on for the rest of my life but it was something that saved my life when I needed it. 

Lewis Howes: That’s powerful.

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: That’s powerful.

Gabby Bernstein: And for anyone that’s on it for their entire life, God bless you. If you feel good and you’re getting the support, you need to be free, and do deeper work. But the thing I will say is, if you do take meds to make sure you do that deeper work. Don’t just take a pill and feel like I’m done. Take advantage of that baseline so that you can go and go deeper in your memory.

Lewis Howes: Now go and meditate, now do your therapies, now do –

Gabby Bernstein: Go deep.

Lewis Howes: Healthy living, yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: Go look at what was causing the anxiety and the trauma in the first place. Get to it.

Lewis Howes: Yeah. And I think it’s also good to take inventory like if I’m on the medication, am I up all night playing video games? Am I eating horrible foods?

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah, exactly.

Lewis Howes: Is that the cause? Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: How am I contributing? Yeah, it’s like we live in a culture we will just take a pill and that’s the problem. 

Lewis Howes: Yeah. 

Gabby Bernstein: That’s the problem. 

Lewis Howes: And not to over medicate, either. 

Gabby Bernstein: And over medicate, and medicate unnecessarily and yeah, that’s the problem. That’s a major problem. I’m not going to deny that.

Lewis Howes: You talked about in this book, everything you saying here it’s like, “Yeah, that’s so simple to think about.” But it’s not easy to apply.

Gabby Bernstein: It’s easier to anything. 

Lewis Howes: It’s so simple for people once they read it like “Well, yeah, it’s very simple.” But I’m just looking at chapter nine. And I was reading through this, and you say, “Appreciate, and appreciate more.”

Gabby Bernstein: Um-hmm, um-hmm.

Lewis Howes: And this is something I feel like people have a hard time doing. To showing appreciation, and then over appreciating, even the bad stuff that happens in their life.

Gabby Bernstein:Yeah, we talked about it.

Lewis Howes: You know what I mean?

Gabby Bernstein: Listen, I now have deep appreciation for that dark hole I was in six months ago because it’s giving me an opportunity to sit here with you today and hopefully save some lives.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: There’s a mother out there that’s watching and she’s having suicidal thoughts, or she’s having panic attacks, or she’s having insomnia that she can now go and talk to her OB GYN or her psychiatrist. I am deeply grateful for everything I’ve been through. Through my addiction recovery, from my trauma healing, through physical things that I’ve talked about publicly, because they’ve given me a greater level of compassion for what people look for the human condition, and a greater, much greater opportunity to speak and teach from a place of authenticity. 

Lewis Howes: Yeah. 

Gabby Bernstein: That’s my appreciation for what has been. And I think if we start to look at the difficult times in our lives and appreciate them, and also recognize them as a learning device, saying, “Okay, thank you alcoholism or thank you fear, or thank you drama in my life right now because you’re revealing to me what I still need to heal.

Lewis Howes: So what is the thing we usually need to heal when there’s chaos in our life or there’s triggers in our life? What is that thing?

Gabby Bernstein: We’re all traumatized – everybody. Everyone that’s walking through this world, every human being, they may not have had trauma like we’ve had, but they’re walking through life feeling unsafe.

Lewis Howes: They may not have had sexual abuse or a father that abandoned them or have them abducted.

Gabby Bernstein: No, but maybe their teacher told them they were stupid.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: Or maybe they you know, they like got lost one day in the parking lot when they were a kid and didn’t find their mom. It doesn’t these subtle moments are as of course in miracles says, the moments that we detour into fear they call it the descent from magnitude into littleness. And we then create this form of ego which is a separate mind, separate from God separate, from love, separate from that freedom, and it builds up a pretense around us. I’ve been living in it right now and watching a 10 month old child, so free of ego, so free of fear, and I’m so conscious of every moment, and so conscious of not, you know, being on my phone when I’m with him because I don’t want to create – look, I’m going to create those moments as he’s gonna have. He’s a human having a human experience, but I want to hold him in the preciousness of this God-like stay as long as possible, right? But that’s not how people’s parents are. 

Lewis Howes: Right.

Gabby Bernstein: That’s not how we grew up, right? 

Lewis Howes: No.

Gabby Bernstein: We grew up, we all grew up in this world where there’s just, so each moment is an opportunity to detour into fear. And then we create a world of fear based perception. And so what we must do to live, and thrive, and feel good is undo those fear based perceptions. And I believe through a spiritual path or through maybe a therapeutic path. I think spirits and all of it whether you realize it or not.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: But to make a commitment to feel better it means that you’re committed to returning to God, or love, or word, you know spirit.

Lewis Howes: Or universe.

Gabby Bernstein: Whatever you call it. Yes. 

Lewis Howes: You also talked about how we have guides. And it’s funny because my girlfriend who’s amazing, and she’ll always tell me she’s like, “You know your angels are always watching you.”

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah, she’s a spiritual being, right? I can see it.

Lewis Howes: She’s like I have an – there’s angels that are always supporting me whenever I’m in trouble. I’m like focused on my angels. I’m like, where are these angels? Like, how do we know they’re here? Who are these guides?

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: Like what’s happened to that belief that there are, whether it’s our ancestors, spiritual beings, whatever may be are here with us are guiding us, are –

Gabby Bernstein: Something we are talking about this on the School of Greatness.

Lewis Howes: Are protecting us.

Gabby Bernstein: Yes.

Lewis Howes: or leading us into a path of love.

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah, so what I write about in my book is what I believe and I always have a big disclaimer that says, this is an opportunity to crack you open to believing something new, and if it’s not for you, you choose, how you choose to perceive this. So not only do I talk about spirit guides, and angels, and deceased family members.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: But also talk about your higher self. So this is too woe for you. Start to tap into what is the voice my higher self. 

Lewis Howes: Gotcha.

Gabby Bernstein: Right? That was of my inner guidance system. And that wisdom that I believe in is my true nature, right? 

But I personally, Gabby Bernstein, I believe that we all have guides, ancestors, family members, teachers, beings the light beings, energy beings that are supporting us in a form that is able to step in, able to channel through us when we write books, able to be there in those darkest moments, pick us up off the floor, and hold us in discomfort and guide us to business opportunities or babies or whatever it is that we’re looking for. And it’s always available to us that guidance, but we just we cut it off, we block it.

Lewis Howes: Why do we block the guidance?

Gabby Bernstein: Fear is the reason we block it. Fear of –

Lewis Howes: Fear of what?

Gabby Bernstein: It’s not even fear. It’s that false based perception that we’ve built up around ourselves from those traumatic events, right? So have these traumatic events early in life and they continue to build and build and build. We build up a world of false perceptions. I am this body, I am Gabby Bernstein, I am Lewis Howes, I’ve got the School of Greatness, I’m the New York Time Bestseller.

Lewis Howes: People are out to get me, I can’t trust people. We create these beliefs.

Gabby Bernstein: Right, and you believe you’re separate from others, you believe you’re better than, or less than, or not good enough. And all those stories, all those false pretences are what many spiritual practices called the ego, right? And that fear based perception of yourself is misaligned with God, with love, with spirit, with angels, with guides. And so this book is all about how to get back into alignment so that you can hear that guidance, and receive that guidance, and be a channel for inspiration. And when you clear and undo those patterns of fear and start to claim the pattern of love, that’s when you are hooked up, super attractor.

Lewis Howes: Unstoppable.

Gabby Bernstein: Unstoppable. Invisible doors open for you. It doesn’t matter how low you are, when you’re starting this you will go way further than you could possibly have imagined. And I am standing behind that subtitle, “Methods for Manifesting a Life Beyond Your Wildest Dreams” standing behind it.

Lewis Howes: I love that. What’s the difference between spiritual guides, or guys, and intuition?

Gabby Bernstein: You can call it the same thing. Your guides, your guides are your bridge from your fear based thoughts back to your love, right?

Lewis Howes: Uh-huh.

Gabby Bernstein: So if you pray and say, “God, guide, higher self…

Lewis Howes: Angels, whatever –

Gabby Bernstein: I give this to you figure it out, right? I don’t know I’m going to get through this time but yeah, I give it to you. That’s how we surrender. People – “I don’t want to surrender. I don’t want to let it go. I don’t know how to.” through prayer. Okay, prayer is the conduit. 

And then when we say that prayer, or that intention, whatever you want to call it, and we allow ourselves to give it over to higher power of our own understanding, a guide, God, spirit, Grandma, whoever, then we’re taking that difficult experience, we’re handing it over and then we relax.

Lewis Howes: Yeah. 

Gabby Bernstein: Because we think okay, it’s not on my shoulders anymore.

Lewis Howes: It’s like taking our ego out of our self and putting it over here and saying someone else is gonna handle, yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: Help me undo this. And then their job is to pay attention, what’s going to show up for us. And so pay close –

Lewis Howes: How do we pay attention?

Gabby Bernstein: Just be aware, stay calm and stay chill, right? And be conscious of how things start to speed up or the synchronicities that begin to happen around you. Or if you are like, you know, guides, I want to see a sign and you’re like, “I need butterflies.” The butterflies are everywhere.

Lewis Howes: Right.

Gabby Bernstein: And I’m getting thousands and thousands of emails from readers that are reading this book in the last two weeks. It’s been out and they’re just like, “Gabby, every single time I’ve asked for is coming to me and like it just speeds up.” Ask for a sign today if you’re having a difficult experience, say, “Guides, what would your sign be?” Don’t think, just say it. Just say it, don’t think.

Lewis Howes: Oh, the sign itself?

Gabby Bernstein: Like a pumpkin or anything.

Lewis Howes: An Eagle.

Gabby Bernstein: Eagle is your sign? That’s a good one, it’s strong.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: Let’s see how everybody how he answered that. That’d be the first thing that comes to your mind. And now there’s an issue that’s happening in your life. Just say to yourself silently, today this end of this podcast, just say, “Thank you guides, thank you universe.” Whatever you believe in, right?

Lewis Howes: Uh-huh.

Gabby Bernstein: “For showing me my eagle to remind me that I’m on the right path.”

Lewis Howes: So ask for the sign, the eagle?

Gabby Bernstein: Thank you for revealing my eagle.

Lewis Howes: Thank you for revealing it before I see the eagle?

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah, “Thank you for revealing my eagle to remind me that I am being guided.”

Lewis Howes: Uh-huh. Okay. 

Gabby Bernstein: Okay?

Lewis Howes: And the eagle will mean whatever I give the meaning to whether it’s to make a decision on something or its –?

Gabby Bernstein: If it’s just being guided in general or being guided towards that job, or that healing, or that whatever, right?

Lewis Howes: I got you. Interesting, wow.

Gabby Bernstein: Sometimes I’ll use a sign like if I’m in school, I’m like, Am I supposed to take this deal and I don’t know what to do.

Lewis Howes: Exactly.

Gabby Bernstein: And I’m feeling so uncomfortable about it. I’ll say, “Show me a sign and I’ll get this – and the thing is if you don’t get your sign that’s a sign too.” But you absolutely will get your sign if you’re asking to be shown that you’re being guided, 100% you’re going to get your sign.

Lewis Howes: Okay.

Gabby Bernstein: Who is it going to text me later everybody’s?

Lewis Howes: That’s on the eagle. 

Gabby Bernstein: My eagle! Does he sent me a photo like some massive eagle.

Lewis Howes: So give an example for people –

Gabby Bernstein: I could be an eagle like in a photo, or an eagle on a napkin. 

Lewis Howes: Not some eagle sitting on my window, which is would be amazing.

Gabby Bernstein: Could be that too.

Lewis Howes: So let’s give an exact practical example for someone say someone says, there’s a female listening or male listening and saying, “Okay, is this – should I go on a date with this person?”

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah. 

 

Lewis Howes: A second date with the person?

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah. 

Lewis Howes: Right, just something small. 

Gabby Bernstein: Showing my sign. 

Lewis Howes: Showing my sign. 

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: And what if you don’t see and the sign is to reveal that you’re supposed to go on this date or to give you some guidance?

Gabby Bernstein: And if you don’t get the sign, if you don’t get the sign then and you still decided to go on the date anyway, it’s okay there’s still some learning in that. 

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: It might be now, there’s been times where I’ve done things that I didn’t get my sign. And they didn’t work out necessarily, but I still learned something from the experience. 

Lewis Howes: Has there ever been a time where you didn’t see a sign and it didn’t work out? Maybe you saw the sign later or something?

Gabby Bernstein: It worked out in a different way. 

Lewis Howes: Yeah. 

Gabby Bernstein: Right? So like, if I was like, I knew a sign about this situation, and I didn’t get the sign – Oh, here’s an example from the book.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Gabby Bernstein: So I was my two weeks before I was meant to conceive, my doctor who was like a very conservative Yale trained physician in my little tiny country town was like, “You’re turning?” “No, I just turned 39. I was 38 when I was pregnant, I just turned 39. So he considered me 40.” Okay. I was like, “Dude, I was 38 a week ago, and now I’m 40?”

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Gabby Bernstein: So he makes me 40. And he’s like, we believe that you need to deliver 40, 40: 40 weeks at when you’re 40 years old. And I was resisting and resisting. And I was like, “I’m not 40 and I don’t want to be induced, and I don’t want to force the baby out, I don’t want to have that kind of thing.” So I was so torn up because he was so nervous and that was infiltrating my fear, with my fears.

Lewis Howes: Trauma, yeah. 

Gabby Bernstein: So I was in his office, and I was like, “Okay, universe, I can’t make a decision. I need a sign.” And so I said, “Show me a sign if following this path is the right move.” And he walks in the door and he was wearing this necktie. And I said, “Hey what’s on your tie? And he said, “It’s a cardinal.” And I said, “Okay” In my head, I’m like, that’s my sign, it’s the cardinal. And so the next day I had to make a decision if I wanted to get booked. So I didn’t have an opportunity to see my cardinal before I made that, well, that decision coz I had to book him in the schedule. And he was leaving the next week, it was mess. So I made the decision without seeing the sign. It says okay.

Lewis Howes: To –?

Gabby Bernstein: To be induced to schedule an induction.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Gabby Bernstein: It’s not what I wanted. And so I made that decision. I was in my bath, I texted my girlfriend, I said, “Okay, I’m going to be induced, this is happening.” And she writes back to me, that’s a great decision. I feel really good about it. And I know it’s good for you because I saw a cardinal land on my window.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Gabby Bernstein: Just now. Cardinal landed. 

Lewis Howes: No way. Did you tell her the sign?

Gabby Bernstein: She had no idea about the sign.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Gabby Bernstein: But here’s the thing, so I got my Cardinal. It gave me the guidance says on the right path. I was meant to be induced on a Wednesday. On a Monday, I’m lying in my bed, and finishing the finishing touches of the book because I wanted to deliver the book before I deliver the baby.

Lewis Howes: Alright. [laughs]

Gabby Bernstein: So I stand up to go to the bathroom, and my water breaks.

Lewis Howes: No way!

Gabby Bernstein: And then here I am, and I have the most epic Beyoncé birth like there was nobody at the hospital, I had like rolling hills out my window, and like, I was the only one birthing in the maternity ward.

Lewis Howes: Oh my gosh.

Gabby Bernstein: And I had the sun setting. So the whole point is that my sign was saying, “Yeah, you’re on the right track, make the decision so that I could relax.”

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm. Stressed.

Gabby Bernstein: Because if I hadn’t made that decision, I wouldn’t have relaxed, my water wouldn’t have broke because I would have been too freaked out and tense. And everything worked out. 

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Gabby Bernstein: You see what I’m saying here?

Lewis Howes: Yeah, of course.

Gabby Bernstein: So if you don’t see your sign, that’s still guidance. And then you know, if you get your sign, even if it’s something you didn’t want, you know.

Lewis Howes: What has been the biggest lesson of motherhood that you were unexpecting really because you have lots of friends who are mothers? 

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah, I have known the feeling.

Lewis Howes: You have so many fans of yours who are moms that you speak to all the time. And maybe you thought, you knew what they were going through, or you could speak into some of their challenges, but what have you really learned maybe three biggest lessons so far –

Gabby Bernstein: All right, good.

 

Lewis Howes: About motherhood and what moms experience?

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: In the first year of motherhood.

Gabby Bernstein: So in terms of what moms experience, and what happens, and I think my son has taught me, has given me the great greatest gift of healing I could ever have imagined.

Lewis Howes: Really?

Gabby Bernstein: Because as soon as I became pregnant, what happens for women is all your [***] comes up, and for men too.

Lewis Howes: Oh yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: You know, when you’re thinking about to bring life into the world and be responsible for that life.

Lewis Howes: You’re scared.

Gabby Bernstein: Your darkest demons start to come to the surface. And so many people just push it down, push it down, push it down. And so I don’t push things down. I was like, “Let’s go. Okay, I’m ready. I’m willing, let’s go for this.”

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Gabby Bernstein: And so I, you know, worked out along the way and then the postpartum. And that gave me even a greater, greater step of healing. So his presence in my life has already put me on a massive healing path. I’ve had fast forward healing in the last year and a half, so that I’m grateful.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Gabby Bernstein: My son has taught me that I am going to make my highest priority in life to honor his feelings. People have asked me like, “What’s your parenting advice?” And like, “Look, I’ve been doing this for 10 months, but I can tell you this: “Honor their feelings.” Imagine that was something that we experienced. 

Lewis Howes: Amazing. Beautiful.

Gabby Bernstein: I mean, you’d be a different person.

Lewis Howes: Beautiful.

Gabby Bernstein: I’d be a different person. And if we could honor any human’s feelings, any human being particularly a child. And then I guess the third thing that I’ve learned as a mother, there’s so much but, is that they have their own guides, they have their own – they’re not, this is big. He is not my son, Oliver Rocklin, he is not the son to Zach, the son to Gabby, he is his own spirit having a human experience.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Gabby Bernstein: And he is a person, he’s not a baby.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: And you’re just here to guide him. You’re here to –

Gabby Bernstein: I am in a archetypal position to be a guide, and a love, and a support for him, but I find myself often being like “My baby’s so cute! My baby! My baby!” And then I have to stop myself and say, “Oliver” not my baby. He’s not my baby. He’s him.

Lewis Howes: Wow. Powerful. That’s crazy. So you want to have another child?

Gabby Bernstein: I want to have another child.

Lewis Howes: Why? After everything that’s put you through the last year?

Gabby Bernstein: I want my son to have a buddy. We live in a tiny little country town. Really go to the city like once every two weeks or something, but we live mostly in the country. And so I want him to have a friend. You know, that’s close by. I want; I don’t feel I’m done. I don’t feel like I’m done.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: And so I will be a 40 year old mom, and you know a 40 year old birthing. 

Lewis Howes: I have a friend that just had a child. Shw was 44 I think.

Gabby Bernstein: I think it’s the new norm and big time. I think that all my friends are their 40s having children. Yeah.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, it’s crazy. It’s crazy.

Gabby Bernstein: And I’m turning 40, what the hell?

Lewis Howes: Next month?

Gabby Bernstein: 11-01, yeah. It’s next month.

Lewis Howes: In two weeks, three weeks. It’s amazing!

Gabby Bernstein: I have not fully taken at it yet.

Lewis Howes: I’m 36 and I already feel like, I’m like, “Man, I’m almost 40.” Like what is happening?

Gabby Bernstein: Don’t go there, 36 is extremely young.

Lewis Howes: What has happen to my life? I’m like; I was just in college, 22. Feel like I had the world in my hands.

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah, 36 is a baby.

Lewis Howes: Then I had 20’s, then I’m in my 30s like good things have happened, bad things happen I was like, I’m about to be 40 before I know this year has flown by I’m like, every year.

Gabby Bernstein: Here’s the thing that I know you and I both can say about getting older is that it gets better.

Lewis Howes: It does get better.

Gabby Bernstein: When you’re on a personal growth path.

Lewis Howes: It does.

Gabby Bernstein: When you’re on a spiritual path it gets better.

Lewis Howes: If you’re on a fixed path, fixed mind-set that I feel like you’re going to be some more stressed, and angry at the world, going on a growth mind-set it’s going to get better for sure.

Gabby Bernstein: Better, better, better.

Lewis Howes: I feel more peace.

Gabby Bernstein: I feel sexier. I feel freer. I feel I like look better than I did when I was 30.

Lewis Howes: Let’s go.

Gabby Bernstein: You know?

Lewis Howes: You’ve been doing the spiritual work? Which I think, I found out about you in 2008. I don’t know if you remember this, I connected with you on LinkedIn?

Gabby Bernstein: I don’t remember because it probably didn’t even notice that you [inaudible] write back to you?

Lewis Howes: Yeah exactly. But I remember I kept – I think we had chatted a few times, but you were also [inaudible] we were both in different places.

Gabby Bernstein: 2008, big-time.

Lewis Howes: You would just wrote an –Ing.

Gabby Bernstein: Add More ~Ing To Your Life that was my first book.

Lewis Howes: Add More ~Ing To Your Life.

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: I remember I looked at I just looked at the book cover of that recently and it versus this book cover, right?

Gabby Bernstein: It’s two different people.

Lewis Howes: You’re like a different human being.

Gabby Bernstein: I was a little girl.

Lewis Howes: This was like riding off the PR, like energy, the publicity, like trying to make it in New York City.

Gabby Bernstein: Oh my god! Pusher.

Lewis Howes: Bradshaw energy like that was the thing you were putting off. And I can’t remember, I think we had a couple of email interactions, but it was very, it was more of like a, “How can I get something done with you?” Type of [inaudible] DO you know what I mean.

Gabby Bernstein: 100%.

Lewis Howes: For now, it’s like this different feminine…

Gabby Bernstein: Thank you.

Lewis Howes: Glow. You know what I mean?

Gabby Bernstein: Thank you. I definitely –

Lewis Howes: Not that you want feminine them –it’s like this energy.

Gabby Bernstein: I wasn’t feminine. I was in my masculine like. “I wanna make [inaudible] you know what, it was good. And it served me because I covered several books in eight years.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: And they’ve saved lives. And so thank you for whatever journey I was on at the time.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Gabby Bernstein: But now I am on a feminine, relaxed super attractor, do less attract more sit back with Lewis Howes and having a good life.

Lewis Howes: [laughs] So what advice would you have to women in their late 20s, mid 20s who feel like, I’ve got to work hard up. I’m not making the money; I’m not in the career I want –

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah. There’s a chapter in this book for that woman. And the chapter is called, “There’s More Than Enough To Go Around.”

Lewis Howes: Oh, yes. Chapter three, that’s three.

Gabby Bernstein: There’s more than enough to go around. And there’s a whole chapter on comparison, and all the ways that we block the opportunity to do less and attract more, because we’re trying so hard. And I speak directly to that reader that is the pusher that’s trying to make things happen, that is in fear. And I talked about comparison and jealousy and judgment, self-judgment, and all of it.

Lewis Howes: Because the Judgment Detox was so big for so many people.

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah, it’s my most important book.

Lewis Howes: It’s huge. I mean, they’re all the most important book for different reasons but –

 

Gabby Bernstein: Actually, Detox is my most important book, and it’s the one that most people never finished.

Lewis Howes: Why?

Gabby Bernstein: It’s too much work for them. They say that it’s too hard. It’s like you have to face your wounds.

Lewis Howes: Your crap.

Gabby Bernstein: You have to see your part, forgive. The people that do apply it, I see them on the book line and they say Judgment Detox, my favorite book, and I’m like, I can see it in you. Because there’s a freedom I can see in them. 

Lewis Howes: Who we judging more, ourselves, other people, or God?

Gabby Bernstein: I think we judge ourselves the most, we really do. Because even when we’re judging other people, we’re actually judging ourselves. 

Lewis Howes: Ooh, because we’re just reflection. 

Gabby Bernstein: Yes. 

Lewis Howes: We’re reflecting our judgment of ourselves.

Gabby Bernstein: That’s right.

Lewis Howes: On someone else.

Gabby Bernstein: That’s correct. That’s correct. That’s right.

Lewis Howes: So when we reflect our judgment on someone else, we don’t like something, we’re angry at them, we’re pissed off at them, whatever it is. How can we shift that to see the good in them?

Gabby Bernstein: Read Judgment Detox.

Lewis Howes: Okay.

Gabby Bernstein: Coz I’m [00:46:21 – inaudible] who knows just like, yeah, I wrote a book about it.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, exactly. I get it.

Gabby Bernstein: But I’ll answer your question fully right now, which is like, when we are in judgment of somebody else, what’s happening is that we’re projecting onto them our own wounds. 

Lewis Howes: Gosh.

Gabby Bernstein: And so the second step of Judgment Detox – well, the first is –

Lewis Howes: Heal your wounds.

Gabby Bernstein: Is to honor your words.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah. 

Lewis Howes: Yeah, of course. 

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: It’s so hard to not judge other people, isn’t it?

Gabby Bernstein: Get some honey. I hadn’t tell you that that helped me so much and do I not judge all the time? Of course I still judge, but when I judge I don’t believe in it. And I get out of it quickly.

Lewis Howes: So what do you say when you’re judging someone else?

Gabby Bernstein: I witness my judgment without judgment. Step one, I honor the wound. “Okay. Oh, I’m judging them because I’m feeling insecure. I’m judging them because they’re triggering something.” Right?

Lewis Howes:  Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: And then I continue on the journey of the Judgment Detox, which you know, just releasing, and forgiving, and seeing someone for the first time choosing to See Them Through the Lens of Love. It’s a fabulous book.

Lewis Howes:  See Them Through the Lens of Love. Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: Get that book too. What is do you think is your greatest accomplishment in 40 years of life?

Gabby Bernstein: My greatest accomplishment in 39 years 2 weeks away from 40 – don’t age me. I can’t believe I’m 40, Oh my god. So my greatest accomplishment is the freedom I’m feeling right now today here with you is my greatest accomplishment. My recovering from trauma is my greatest accomplishment.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Gabby Bernstein: It will be the best contribution I can give to the world. I am going to help people because I even just being in this state of freedom will help people watching because they will see what they are capable of. 

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: That’s powerful. And do you feel like, you’ll be able to make a bigger impact in the world by being a mother? Or —

Gabby Bernstein: I’m already, yeah. So I’ve noticed myself in my talks, I would always have a really good boundary, which you have to have, as you know me do the work we do. Because if I’m going to get up that answer questions people I might, my audience is like, you know, coming up being like, I have a brain injury, or I’m suicidal, or, you know.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: And I have to hold them in their transformation, but not take it on.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Gabby Bernstein: But as a mother now, I don’t feel that I’m taking it on but I have a way deeper level of compassion for people that I never had before.

Lewis Howes: Because you’re experiencing all these stuff.

Gabby Bernstein: I’m seeing their innocent child in them.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Gabby Bernstein: I don’t see them as an adult who hasn’t taken care of themselves or as an adult who’s done stupid things. I see them as a wounded child, and all I want to do is just hold them into love. And that’s maybe in one of my talks this one woman was so wounded. And I actually went as far as asking her to come up so I could just hug her. And that is so against everything I’ve ever done in my career. 

Lewis Howes: Why? 

Gabby Bernstein: I would never like touch someone or have it – doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t hug somebody like casually.

Lewis Howes: Right, yeah, yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: But I held her like an ammo hug. You know what I mean, I was like this is and I kept holding, I said, “You’re safe, you’re safe, you’re safe.” And I didn’t know what came over me. 

The other thing that’s happening is I’m becoming more unapologetic about my mediumships. So we’re all mediums, we all have the ability to listen to spirit and like. But I can, you know, I throughout my life have always heard messages and you now, I’m just like giving messages to people. And I always have channelled throughout my talking, but now where normally I would say, “Okay, this is the guidance. If I’m hearing it as a guide, I’ll say what I’m hearing for you is this, and I’ll deliver it this way.” 

Lewis Howes: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So people can receive it not if they don’t believe in some type of medium stuff, they can receive.

Gabby Bernstein: Sometimes I’ll just tell them like I think, you know, your grandmother is telling me something.

Lewis Howes: They seems telling you this. Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: Sometimes not always. I will –

Lewis Howes: I’ve never had a someone who calls himself a medium that does this practice on the show. I’ve been pitched like different mediums to come on. And I’ve always been kind of resistant. But lately I’m like, you know, I think it’d be a fun experience for me to  —

Gabby Bernstein: Oh, yeah, you should have someone.

Lewis Howes: Is there someone that you think is like the best at what they do?

Gabby Bernstein: There’s so many. I mean, yeah, let’s talk offline, because I can sit here and tell you five or six different names. And now I offend anybody out there. I know a lot of medium.

Lewis Howes: Sure.

Gabby Bernstein: I don’t want that one be like “Why did you say me on Lewis Howes?”  So I’ll give you some suggestions. Yeah.

Lewis Howes: Okay, great.

Gabby Bernstein: All good though.

Lewis Howes: It’d be fun.

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah. 

Lewis Howes: What do you think is missing from you to get to the next level in your life, whatever that looks like for you? What’s missing?

Gabby Bernstein: There’s a little bit more trauma work that I’ve got to face. It’s not missing though. It’s not like it’s in perfect time.

Lewis Howes: Around what? What’s the trauma around?

Gabby Bernstein: Just a lot of the sexual trauma, the shame around the sexual trauma.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, because you talked about it on our show, couple of years ago, couple of years ago. 

Gabby Bernstein: Um-hmm.

Lewis Howes: And I know you’ve been doing a lot of work over the last few years with it, but do you feel like you’re fully, you’re not fully healed with those things yet? I don’t think I’m either even though I talked about it last 6 years.

Gabby Bernstein: You’re more healed than ever before, but every —

Lewis Howes: I’m at peace a lot better but there’s still little triggers.

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah, EMDR.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, so I keep hearing that.

Gabby Bernstein: I really recommend it to you.

Lewis Howes: Okay. I’ll try that.

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: Where do you think you’ll be once you have that final healing?

Gabby Bernstein: Freedom is my end game, right? And I hope to live for a long, long time feeling free. I had a deep talk with Deepak Chopra yesterday, and I was on the plane with him coming here. And we were chatting about, you know, it’s like, do you feel triggered or something? You know, it’s like, not at all.

Lewis Howes: With nothing?

Gabby Bernstein: We’re happy all the time. And it’s because of his practice. It’s because of his devotion to his practice. So that’s I’m getting closer and closer to that. It doesn’t mean I’ll be enlightened, it doesn’t mean I’ll have bad experience, I won’t have bad experiences. I mean, I won’t be a human, but that I can feel free even when things are tough.

Lewis Howes: What do you think it is that he has or people like him have that allowed them to have zero connection to or not allow the ego to affect them in a triggering way, in a reactive defensive way, guarded?

Gabby Bernstein: Um-hmm.

Lewis Howes: When maybe something bad happens to him. Maybe this is still good to have.

Gabby Bernstein: Even the person who grew up being taught that the divine is the direction that you know God was the – I don’t know how to use language that’s not his.

Lewis Howes: Right, right.

Gabby Bernstein: But he had a very spiritual upbringing. So he’s a foundational experience for him. And he’s devoted his lifeto being at ease and meditate. He’s up for early meditates for two hours I think in the morning.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: And you know, I think it’s his devotion and commitment that’s I let him be that way.

Lewis Howes: Isn’t it amazing that when I am consistent with my meditation practice, I feel like I’m unstoppable? Like the longer I meditate I feel like I see, it’s like the matrix. You’ll see someone saying something to you? And see someone that cut you off?

Gabby Bernstein: And if that’s what you need, you become a supercharger.

Lewis Howes: You’re like, Oh wow!

Gabby Bernstein: It is in the whole book. It’s about baby.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: It’s it the more we practice being in alignment, the more that unstoppable experience occurs. But when we are just living out of alignment, we feel out of alignment. Things don’t work.

Lewis Howes: That’s good. That’s good.

We’re pushing.

Lewis Howes: What do you think’s missing, from your point of view as a friend to me, what’s missing in my life to help me attract more of good things that I want in my life?

Gabby Bernstein: I think there’s a little more trauma work to do. I can feel it and you said it a few times.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: And so Can I hold your hand while I say this, I love you so much. And I will help you if you need any guidance and support just to be listen and be there for you, because you have the potential for that same freedom that I’m talking about now. We all do. But particularly you’re right there. But there’s shame and there’s places to go to that I think you’re ready to go now.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: And then it hasn’t been there’s been no step along the way that’s been an accident. It’s all been perfect order for you, and it’s all been unfolding perfectly. And, you know, humbling moments and difficult times and things that come up only to get you to the place where you’re ready to crack open more, and face some of the darkest stuff.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, right.

Gabby Bernstein: And you need to do that with a — so I’m hearing that you need to do that with a facilitator that you trust.

Lewis Howes: Um-hmm.

Gabby Bernstein: Someone that you feel safe with,  and someone that will really give you that hold that space for you to go to the places that scare you.

Lewis Howes: Sounds good. Come in.

Gabby Bernstein: Because you’re doing really big shift in the worlds, you know, a big stuff, big work. And it’s going to be massive, the more free you become.

Lewis Howes: Yeah. 

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah. 

Lewis Howes: I’m excited, excited to continue to work.

Gabby Bernstein: And I’m really proud of you because the fact that you’ve been asked that question is so major, because it means you’re willing.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, definitely.

Gabby Bernstein: I’m so proud, I love you so much.

Lewis Howes: Thank you. I love you. Yeah. And you said the first step is willingness and in what? You said willingness is the key for something before one of our interviews.

Gabby Bernstein: Willingness is the catalyst for change because the moment that we become willing, it’s like we invite the next right action, we invite God into our life to show us where to go and what to do. The willingness that you’ve developed over your life over the last 36 years got you into this seat right now with me while we’re talking about things that we’ve both been through for you to say what’s next and for me to honestly and authentically say this is what I think is next.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, okay.

Gabby Bernstein: Okay. So Trust me.

Lewis Howes: I trust you, I trust you.

Gabby Bernstein: That’s your willingness. Super Attractor, make sure you guys get this book right now. Methods For Manifesting A Life Beyond Your Wildest Dreams. Before we wrap up, I want to acknowledge you, Gabby for constantly showing up. You do an amazing job of showing up for people, you show up for yourself and your dreams. And because you’re always giving to other people, and you really want to be a life of service. I think that’s what you talked about is like, the more you’re willing to serve, the more good things come to you.

Gabby Bernstein: And now more than ever.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: Now I’m much more about how can I serve them? And how can I get more than ever?

Lewis Howes: And they used to be like, how can I gain probably 10 years ago, 15 years ago in what can I get?

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah, it was like that there was – services was driven by successes. I mean, I’ve always been in alignment with wanting to serve people because I’ve had a deep level of compassion for people but I think that it’s gotten just greater and greater, and being a mother has made me even greater.

Lewis Howes: Yeah. Well, I acknowledge you for that too because I’m [inaudible] you were going through all this stuff that you’re going through. So I acknowledge you for being a mom, and showing that you can work on the projects that you love to help people, and to get help when you needed it. Because I think a lot of moms feel shame that something’s wrong with them. Why can I just, I have this child that I want in my whole life or for how many years? Why am I feeling this way? Why? What’s wrong with me? Why should I just appreciate what this incredible being?

Gabby Bernstein: I’m going to say something that’s going to open a floodgate, but it’s okay. Any woman out there that’s watching that fit, identifies in any way, any mom or new mom, or even if your child is two years old, because you can have postpartum for a long time.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Gabby Bernstein: That identifies any of the things that I have just said, email support @gabbybernstein.com and I will personally write back to you, even if it takes me a month to get back to you.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Gabby Bernstein: Okay, I want you to know you’re not alone or DM me on Instagram, the email might get to me faster, or tag me in something. I just want to know where you’re at and I want you to know you’re not alone, whoever you are, in every camera.

Lewis Howes: Yeah. That was powerful.

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: I think I saw this with my sister. She went through some challenges when she had both of her kids were she was just like, you know, going through stuff, she was in challenges, she had a lot of help, and I think she was beating herself up a lot from what’s wrong with me feelings? Why am I —

Gabby Bernstein: Yeah, no one talks about it. That’s why good news, Gabby, the voice box, is out there in the world just on every show. I mean Good Morning America, Today’s Show, Yesterday and Access to Hollywood, talking about it.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, that’s good. That’s right.

Gabby Bernstein: And everywhere I can be, to every podcast talking about postpartum because I want to save moms.

Lewis Howes: That’s a real thing. Very few moms probably have this peaceful journey after having a child where they’re like it’s at there most.

Gabby Bernstein: Every mom has some kind of chaos, but there’s a difference between being anxious, and like overwhelmed, and overtired, and having a biochemical issue.

Lewis Howes: Yeah, there you go. Well, make sure you guys get the book, Super Attractor, follow you on social media, share this with a friend who you think might enjoy this. 

Gabby, I love you. You are amazing.

Gabby Bernstein: I love you.

Lewis Howes: Thank you. I appreciate it.

Gabby Bernstein: This is always my favourite interview, everybody knows that. It’s my favourite. I’m sorry.

Lewis Howes: You’re the best.

Gabby Bernstein: The rest and all the other interviews, this is my favourite.

Lewis Howes: Thank you. Appreciate it.

[background music]

Lewis Howes: This was such a powerful episode for me and if you enjoyed this episode, please do me a favor, and subscribe to this podcast on Apple podcast. Leave us a review and share specific details about what you enjoyed about this episode. The power we gave you the insights the specific strategy you got from this, leave a review over on Apple podcast, type in your response. I don’t care if you leave a one star or five star review. I just want to hear from you on how this helped you, and how this is going to help you in your life. 

And if you’re a mother who’s experienced postpartum depression, or if you’ve ever experienced suicidal thoughts, know that you are not alone. Know that there are people that want to support you that there’s help available for you. Please know that you’re not alone. 

And if you have a friend who is going through a challenging time in their life right now, or who has struggled on and off with depression or thoughts of suicide, or a postpartum depression please send them this link lewishowes.com/865. Again, lewishowes.com/865 or just copy and paste the link on the apple podcast that you’re listening to, Spotify or anywhere you’re listening to this podcast, and be a champion, and a hero in someone’s life by sending them a text with this link, and asking them to listen and share their thoughts on what they got out of this. Post this on a whatsapp group, Facebook chat group, Instagram, over social media, and get the message out to a friend and be a champion in someone’s life today.

You matter so much to me. I’m so grateful that you’re here that you take the time to consciously and actively seek the wisdom. I’m constantly trying to do the work myself. I’m constantly diving in finding the experts finding the world’s best to help myself overcome challenges, to help myself get through the adversity at every stage of my life I am not perfect. You guys hear me talk about this all the time and I’m always looking to improve and be better. And we’re all in this together. If we can be more compassionate, more empathetic, less judgmental, less combative with each other, and truly work on our own self-love so we can have more to give to others, that’s what this is all about.

A big thank you to you for guys for being here for supporting this. A big thank you to our sponsors today. Again, Calm app, if you haven’t checked out Calm yet, for 40 million people have downloaded this app. It’s going to help you really optimize your sleep, calm your mind, calm your body. There are certain tools and technologies that are out there like Calm that can help with some of the symptoms that people are facing. You can get 25% off a Calm premium subscription @calm.com/GREATNESS. That’s C-A-L-M.com/GREATNESS.

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And as the inspirational Fred Rogers, the man who taught so many of us as kids growing up, the man who helped us understand our feelings, our emotions, our thoughts, and developed this feel like we had a home when we didn’t feel at home. He said, “Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.”

I hope you know you’re not alone. I hope you know you have a community here. A part of this School Of Greatness Community you can reach out to people in the comments on my page or in groups on Facebook that we have or at our annual events. You can be a part of a community here. We’re here for you. We love you. We see you. We hear you. And we believe in you. I love you very much. And you know what time it is. It’s time to go out there and do something great.

[background music]

 

[END OF TRANSCRIPT]

 

Music Credits:

Music Credit:

Kaibu by Killercats

Joyride by Aarre & Kedam

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