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Back by popular demand, Transformation Coach Chris Lee is coming on for Round 4 of  The School of Greatness!

Chris is by far one of my most popular guests, and I’m not even surprised.

Every time Chris and I talk, I learn so much (and get more excited about the power of emotional intelligence).

In our conversation today, we decided to focus on one of the most important aspects to any kind of relationship: the power of listening.

As Chris admits, even experts like himself have room to improve in this area.

Not only does listening make all the difference in how connected someone feels to you, but it allows you to understand what’s going on with them.

In today’s world of disconnection, multi-tasking, and distractions, the art of listening is even more important.

This episode is packed with steps and examples of how to improve your listening skills.

I expect you to take lots of notes, but in case you didn’t, we’ve included the ten tools Chris lists in the show notes below.

I am very excited, as always, to welcome back my coach and friend Chris Lee to Episode 137, the Art of Listening.

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Chris Lee on The School of Greatness

“Sometimes people are communicating a much bigger message by what they’re not saying.”

Some questions I ask:

  • If listening is so important, why don’t we get taught how to do it in school?
  • How do you become open to listening to someone?
  • Would it be better, as a leader, to hear but not speak or to speak and not hear?

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

  • “Listening to the listening” – how to read people’s private messages, what they are really saying
  • Think of listening as a platform of being
  • Relationships often fail because we think we already know what the other person is going to say

“One of the keys to emotional intelligence is to be a generous listener.”

  • 70% of communication is not the words you say – this is why texts and emails do not send the whole message
  • What selfish listening is – when you only listen to the part of a story you like
  • To use the power of visualization to connect with someone’s story
  • People don’t care what you know until they know what you care

10 Tools for Listening

1. Be open
Assume you don’t know what the other person is going to say.

2. Create the space to listen
This includes body language and minimizing distractions.

3. Have the person feel like they are the most important person in the world
People want to feel validated.

4. Listen to the words people are saying
Don’t edit or interrupt people.

5. Connect to the emotion
What are the feelings behind the words?

6. Know what questions to ask
Ask clarifying questions, ask how people feel, ask “Is there anything else?”

7. Repeat back what you heard
Paraphrase a summary of what they said, including the emotion you picked up.

8. Honoring the request made of you
Sometimes there is no request – people just want to be heard.

9. Identify the kind of person who is talking to you
What is his/her personality type? Intention? Needs?

10. Listen to yourself

Listen to your own heart and vision. This is how you stay authentic.

  • Plus much more…

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  • Music Credit: MechaWar by Harrier, Kyros F. & Dim Loud

You may also like these episodes:

Did you enjoy the podcast?

Are you up to take Chris’ challenge? Reminder: Ask 5 people who are important to you (and know you) to rate you as a listener on a scale of 1 to 10. This will be invaluable feedback and give you a benchmark to work from.

 “The map you’re using doesn’t always match the territory.”

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