We all judge people.
We make assumptions about what people care about and who they are based on the way they look.
But people are often more than they seem.
No matter what judgments people may have of you, you can break the status quo.
Never let the way you look determine what you’re capable of.
Keep questioning your judgements and make others question.
On today’s episode of The School of Greatness, I talk about defying people’s expectations with a couple who is much more than they seem: Lauryn and Michael Bosstick.
Lauryn Evarts and Michael Bosstick host the entrepreneurial podcast, The Skinny Confidential HIM & HER, which just hit 16 million downloads. Lauryn has turned her passion for beauty, wellness and no-censor advice into one of the most distinctive blogs online today, The Skinny Confidential. Along with the blog Lauryn released her own book, The Skinny Confidential Lifestyle Guide and a BODY GUIDE, which is a monthly subscription service that includes new workouts and meal plans. Michael Bosstick is the CEO of Dear Media, founder of Bosstick Media, co-founder of Jetbed, Inc., co-host of the TSC podcast + much more.
Lauryn and Michael are open about the struggles of working together while being married and what it takes to keep sex alive after ten years.
So get ready to learn how to keep a relationship exciting (especially while working together) on Episode 820.
Lewis: This is episode number 820 with Lauryn and Michael Bosstick. Welcome to the school of greatness my name is Lewis Howes a former athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur and each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today, now let the class begin.
Henry Ford said “Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is a success.”
We’ve got Lauryn and Michael Bosstick who are in today and this is getting pretty interesting because I love how they talk about everything, they really open up about all topics and nothing is off-limits, and we get into it pretty quickly.
Lauryn and Michael host a cheeky entrepreneurial podcast ‘him and her’ whose guests are top celebrities, entrepreneurs and beyond. Lauryn is the creator of ‘the skinny confidential’ which is a book of log, podcast and YouTube channels and really a movement, where she helps women live their best lives by sharing everything from wellness to beauty and business and real-life tips.
Michael really cool guy, up and coming serial entrepreneur and brand builder who’s done some amazing things in his career. He is currently the CEO of a female focus network [?] media, and the CEO of Bosstick media that has ownership of multiple direct consumer brands and businesses.
They have some interesting dynamics. I ask them some intimate questions about their personal lives, about how they mesh business and marriage together. What’s it is like being in L.A with distractions and other opportunities and we talked about the importance of questioning your judgments and what it can tell you about yourself.
Also how to make a relationship work through the high demands of running highly successful business. They both have businesses separate and together. They invest separate and together and how they balance it all. Vulnerability has a tool for influencers when it works and when it doesn’t work. What it means to be a CEO and to truly scale a business. How to empower your partner while also staying focus on your personal goals?
Anyone that’s in a relationship or trying to build a business or together this is a powerful episode to share with those friends. Lewishowes.com/820.
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We are getting close to the summit of greatness we are less than 2 months away. Summit of greatness September 5 through 7 Columbus, Ohio. I am telling you if you don’t have your tickets yet you got to get your tickets guys.
Marissa Pear one of the top 10 most downloaded podcast of all time on this podcast. She is coming to keynote.
We’ve got Jesse Itzler and more speakers go check out who they are.
I am excited about this make sure to share it with your friends.
Let’s bring on the one and only Lauryn and Michael Bosstick.
Lewis: Welcome everyone back to the school of greatness podcast we’ve an incredible couple Lauryn and Michael Bosstick.
Michael: Thanks been a while.
Lauryn: Thanks for having us.
Lewis: This is all about sex and love and marriage and masturbation and everything right?
Lewis: Do you guys do orgies too?
Michael: We have not done that yet.
Lewis: How long have you guys been married?
Michael: We have been married 3 years but we have known each other since we were 12.
Lauryn: But we haven’t been together that long like it wasn’t one of those situations like high school sweetheart. We were together from 12 to 15, broke up and got back together at 23 and went into business together when we were probably 28 and the rest is history.
Lewis: You’ve dated in 23 and high school for a little bit?
Lauryn: Hooked up.
Michael: In high school we had different relationships.
Lewis: Who’s older?
Lauryn: I’m older.
Michael: I would say I had very [?] relationship for a long time and for a long time I was like ‘maybe there’s an issue with me.’ A lot of those relationship that followed unfortunately kind of suffered the front of that because I was never fully in. So some of those other relationships kind let’s use the term ‘for fun.’
Lewis: What things you want in a long term relationship?
Michael: Something that has always attracted me to Lauryn is she is extremely, like if I wasn’t in the picture she is completely self-dependent and driven. I think I was in a lot of situations where I was kind of running the show and kind of trucking over my partner.
Lewis: Wasn’t fulfilling in that sense.
Michael: I am very attracted to strong women.
Lauryn: His mom is a very strong woman too. Michael had to chase me a little bit, Michael is like the logical business side to my creative sometimes emotional side, but what I think is most interesting about Michael is a lot of people when they see me they see blonde fake boobs and immediately get judge.
Lewis: Of course.
Lauryn: I think Michael has always been able to see my full potential. When I came to him 10 years ago and said ‘I want to launch a blog’ instead of laughing at me, a lot of people laugh and said ‘how are you gonna monetize?’ He immediately believe in me and even more than believing me he push me to execute and really saw the full potential of what this [?] and he always seen that, and I think that’s really interesting instead of just looking at the surface.
Michael: I think the most interesting people is when you think you are getting something and it turns out to be completely different and turns out to be deeper. Not only for Lauryn, I would push anybody who wants to break past the status quo.
Lewis: That’s pretty cool. So you always inspired her just at least go for it.
Michael: I think I would give anybody that message that is looking to push against the norms. Everything I have ever done in my own life has been something but somebody said somewhere I couldn’t do. I don’t think us as human beings are met for a singular purpose, I think we are [?] barriers and I think that is why we evolved past every other species on this planet.
Lewis: You talk about the deeper things as well.
Lauryn: It represents my entire life. My whole life people have looked at me and wanted to put me in this box and you know so many people talked about feminism and they’re marching. Being a feminist is also looking at people and being like, I think it is empowering women whatever they look like. I think that sometimes with social media you can immediately judge a book by its cover.
Lauryn: And with my brand it is pink and loud it’s flamboyant in your face, but I hope that when someone comes and consumes it, it provides them with so many [?].
Lewis: And I love when you’re on your stories and like [?].
Lauryn: I am constantly learning I don’t take one second of my day to not be learning. When I walk to coffee every morning that’s a 5-minute walk and I am listening to a podcast.
Lewis: When did you guys know you were the right match for each other?
Michael: It’s hard to put it into words. I think I’ve always been attracted to Lauryn and she’s a very deep thinker and it’s not what you expect on the surface.
Michael: But Lauryn is somebody [?]. What I found with Lauryn is this really deep conversations, it was never surface.
Lewis: Wow she’ll ask you those questions?
Michael: I think we both ask each other those questions and push and I think like you said we like the idea that maybe we present something someway but it is different.
Michael: We’ve had many amazing conversations.
Lauryn: People automatically thing skinny is a negative word. The blog was built on getting the juice like let’s go deeper. So, everything sort of has to do like [?].
Michael: It’s important to really have people question judgments. I think what we try to do on the show is say ‘you may not agree’ this perspective or way of life but at least understand a little bit more and be open to what that person’s individual experience could be.
Lauryn: We just had the highest-paid legal sex worker on the podcast.
Lewis: I saw that. How much does this woman make a year?
Lauryn: She is going to retire in 2 years she said, she can make up to $35,000 a night.
Lewis: That’s once every few months?
Lauryn: I don’t think so, she has clients booked out, and she is very popular. That was such a cool interview though for the platform because that’s what it is about not putting people in a box and hearing their story and seeing where they are coming from. And instead of judging, understanding and actually putting yourself in their shoes and being like [?].
Michael: The most interesting feedback we got from that one was people thought she was going to be a certain way. You think of legal sex workers you are thinking what you see in the movie, but when she presents herself she is extremely educated, well-spoken.
Michael: They enjoy it.
Lewis: You don’t make $35,000 a night if you are not intelligent working on yourself.
Lauryn: Her favorite book is Robert Greene [?] that tells you about her situation. She is very pretty and I think she appeals like men love her, she’s very pretty and very well-spoken.
Michael: What I found the most interesting about it is you think most men and women would be going for is sex. They want connection, they want a deep connection and want to be heard.
Lewis: They probably feel so open after 45 minutes and finally say what they want to say.
Lauryn: It’s wild.
Michael: Who is the typical clientele? It’s like we have an image in our head.
Michael: Like I said those who are looking for connection. It wasn’t this like kind of [?] guy that’s all [?].
Lauryn: She also said that there was this man that came in and his wife had cervical cancer so she actually couldn’t have sex with him, and the wife was actually the one who facilitated the whole thing. So, you start to look at these things from different eyes and boggles and it just starts to become really amazing, it just takes the judgement out of it.
Lewis: What do you feel like you guys get judge the most?
Lauryn: I think with my community especially the blog I think that people understand me now, I don’t get a lot of hate because I think they know that I’m gonna be me. So, I got a ton of hate.
Michael: It’s something that I honestly don’t put a lot of thought into, I’m sure that there’s judgement happening. I feel like I don’t pay attention to, I hope that everybody like what we’re doing and identifies it but I also know that not everybody is.
Michael: They’re gonna think of certain thing. But to me like I said Lauryn and I are not joke. I think as a society if we do that a little bit more, 1 maybe we start to [?] people’s perspective and 2 we can get into a place where it’s not so much as ‘you’re wrong and I am right’ it’s more of a conversation dialogue.
Lauryn: I just feel like I have a thermometer of energy every single day and I am going to allocate that energy towards things that are positive and productive and to sit there and give into the energy of someone not like me is a waste of time.
Lewis: How do you guys find either a bounce or a structure of being married and work at the same time?
Lauryn: It’s really hard and I am not gonna sit here and pretend that it is an easy thing. We’ve been together 10, 11 years. There’s one thing that I think is the foundation of it ‘we’re both committed to the same vision’ it is so important when you are in a relationship that you’re committed to the same vision, it can’t just be goals it needs to be working backward and strategic systems to get to the goals.
I think we’ve turned it into something fun and playful with the podcast but at the same time when it’s time to sit down and do work it is time to sit down and do work. For a while it was Michael coming into bed at 11:30 at night and me ready to wind down and read my book, and him wanting to talk about things like number and that is just not my personality. But the boundary is there and it is something we are working on.
Michael: I’ll give you the flip side of that I think that Lauryn answer that question really well but I’ll give you the flipside. I have a lot of young friends that are starting to get into relationships and they want to talk business and their significant others saying ‘I’m never talking about that.’ So the flip side of that is you don’t want just because there’s a time and a place to understand when it’s time to turn on and off but you also want to be deprived where you can’t have these conversations.
Lauryn: Like we are going away this summer and we have prerecorded our podcast and we have like all the content planned and we are just gonna take 2 and a half week break.
Lewis: That’s good.
Lauryn: I just said to Michael “We’re gonna have sex every single day.”
Lewis: Are you having sex every day right now?
Michael: That’s a thing that we should. This is important for couples that have been together for a long time, you have to work at sex. We always say in our show, so many people they put thought in their health and their wellness but when it comes to their sex life the think it’s just gonna solve itself. People aren’t comfortable talking about sex, people think that if you hook up with your wife once a week she’s gonna be satisfied.
Michael: Like you have to put in the same amount of work into your life or otherwise it’s gonna die and people will get bored.
Lauryn: We just did for my birthday and if anyone is out there like they want to spice it up, we decided to do sexy stranger and it was recommend by ‘sex with Emily.’ Basically, you dress up as a stranger.
I think I was Ivanca I was a Russian girl and got all the makeup done, a tight black dress and trench coat and we did that on my birthday and that’s a really fun way.
Michael: She had like a whole team come in.
Lewis: it was like.
Michael: Yeah, I had some like leather pants on and a cowboy hat. Also, we could have fucked it up because we showed up, first of all if anyone wants to do the sexy stranger you have to include the pickup part.
Lauryn: Doing that kind of things are fun. Adding toys to bed room just having fun with it and never letting it get boring.
Lewis: You posted that you’re having a breast implants and you were posting about it publicly.
Lauryn: Yeah, the whole thing.
Lewis: I was like ‘I hope you’re healing okay.’ Didn’t you already have like large breast?
Lauryn: I had a b-cup when I was in 6th grade.
Michael: She was developed, when she got the boob job before but overtime.
Lauryn: I got the boob job after high school. I am the type of person when I want something I figure out a way to make it happen. After 10 years it was time to renew them, so I went and decided to bring the audience on my whole journey. I just feel like with social media there are so many women that are getting so many things done which is their own prerogative, but for me and my audience I want it to be transparent and show the [?]. And again I am not telling anyone to get breast implants, I am just saying this is my journey.
Lewis: It’s interesting a lot of women who are showcasing them getting their boobs out.
Lauryn: I have not had 1 problem, I’ve heard a lot of people do have issues and I think again to just knowing yourself and knowing your own body and everyone is different.
Michael: This has been only time in history where a public person or a non-public person can get on a completely control their narrative.
I always think it is important for people that are thinking about getting this space no matter how big or how small to understand if you’re gonna put it out there put it out there on your terms.
Lewis: Yeah. Do you like your personalities out there publicly?
Lauryn: I was born on [?], this is the way that I am. My dad was always like rolling his eyes my entire life. When someone asks me kind of question I share. When my blog first launched a lot of influencers were blogging about what they wear, what they eat. I wanted to talk about birth controls, camel toe.
Lauryn: I want to talk about all these things that aren’t being talked about that are taboo. Nowadays I’m seeing people are starting to opening up about these things.
Lewis: Everyone is vulnerable now.
Lauryn: Maybe it just took some time but I just think as an influencer like for me to be an overshare it’s my natural personality.
Michael: You shouldn’t curate your vulnerability though, if you want to be vulnerable be vulnerable. When you see someone being vulnerable you identify and see things for yourself, and I think it creates or doing influencers some disservice by creating that vulnerability.
Lauryn: I’ve really fell in love with you as a creator when you opened up your whole struggle. It took you to a different level in my opinion as an influencer or podcaster and just made me really lean into your content.
Lewis: What is it about relationship that works really well and what doesn’t work?
Lauryn: I think having the business adds that other layer, so I 100% if there wasn’t the business relationship I would feel something missing. If Michael was sitting on the coach eating popcorn every day and twiddling his thumbs I couldn’t deal with that.
Michael: I mean we intersect in so many places like with the show, but like we can go off.
Lauryn: What’s that you think that is not working about me?
Michael: I think that obvious we would probably not be the textbook that a therapist would point out. What Lauryn and I find so much interest in is we can do things on our terms differently than other people would find normal and find success in relationships.
Lewis: Because it works for both of you.
Michael: I think we would both be bored with each other if it was.
Lauryn: But there are some things that we don’t get along about. He is very impatient and wants everything right away and his thoughts are very fast, whereas I am the type of person if I’m thinking something creative I need to wrap my head around it.
Michael: If I’m up I am going and probably similar to you.
Lauryn: I also had a very chaotic upbringing and he didn’t, so I think I thrive in chaos which was serving me until about 6 months ago.
Lewis: It doesn’t help you get to the next level with peace in your heart.
Lauryn: So I think although you think he is more chaotic but actually I am more chaotic.
Michael: I am impatient with certain things for sure. When I am ready to move I am ready to move.
Lewis: Clarity and wrong is better than indecision a lot of the times.
Lauryn: You’re an executer though.
Lewis: I love to execute.
Lauryn: I am an executor but like I said it takes me a while to wrap my head around things.
Lewis: What’s the thing that you know you can improve on in your personal life?
Lauryn: I think it’s time for me to step up as a CEO and not just be creating content every single day, I create content seven days a week. So, it’s time for me to be able to scale my business and like step into the role of CEO and really dealing with my finances. I’ve never been a manager I was a solo entrepreneur for so long.
Lewis: Different experience.
Michael: I think for me it’s listening more. I’m a problem solver by nature if you and I are friends.
Lewis: Here’s the answer.
Michael: That’s move. Sometimes in a relationship it’s better to just and listen and make the person feel heard and hear what they say. I think it’s because it is out of my default state.
Lewis: It’s interesting because I was just getting into a relationship the last 5 months and I haven’t been talking publicly. When I think about the things I really appreciate about her is when that she is a good listener, because I’ve been going through a lot of changes in my life personally, professionally and everything and she just listens.
Lauryn: that’s a.
Lewis: It was like wow this is amazing.
Lauryn: I think you should have a listening expert on the podcast and I’ll play it when Michael and I are getting ready subconsciously.
Michael: Listen none of us are perfect right it’s a practice, it is something that I am aware I need improve on for sure you know with all my relationships and it is something I got to work at when it pertains to our relationship.
Lewis: What about your business?
Michael: I think again it goes the same way when you’re managing a team. My biggest thing when I bring [?] to the media team ‘listen speak up.’ I need people that are helping me build those processes and build this giant company, I need them to voice that up and I think putting that out there like ‘yes I am a listener’ also willing to take extreme feedback I think, human beings in general can get a lot of if they listen to each other more.
Lauryn: Very Robert Greene.
Lewis: Yours include being a CEO?
Lauryn: Yes, that includes time manage on a micro-level.
Lewis: What does it mean of time management?
Lauryn: I think it’s working on your business and not in it every single day. For me it’s really important that as I evolve people in my opinion I am sick of myself looking at [?], which is why we launched the podcast.
Lewis: You don’t wear outfit every day and post this.
Lauryn: I just don’t see the bright and shiny is going to work long term. The long term is really interesting to me, I have such a vision on how I want to build the brand and the community that I think to do that I think taking out just the way you look is not enough.
Lewis: What’s something you wish you both learn how to do besides the answers you just gave before you met each other?
Lauryn: Manage money. I don’t think I’ve had attachment and I think that served me because I [?] blogging with literally the intention to provide quality content. I was bartending and I was broke and I had no money. My intention was just to provide the quality and for 3 years I didn’t make 1 dime and I blog every single day for 3 years.
So, I think that none attachment to money really helped built the foundation of the brand, but I think now we talk about the CEO like it’s time to step into the financials and really get to the nitty-gritty.
Michael: When I was coming up I’d say maybe 20 to 25 my first year as an entrepreneur. My focus was completely on the wrong thing when it comes to finances.
Michael: All of my focus was material things.
Lauryn: I’m glad those days are over.
Michael: I wish more young people can [?] that stuff is because it cause me a lot of trouble. You are just constantly chasing things that don’t matter, nobody else cares. So, I wasted a lot of years having the wrong focus in terms of what my business goals were because I was focus on material wealth. Now, it’s not a focus on material things it’s what are we getting back to the community.
Lauryn: I want to shout Michael out for one second because when we first got together we were very different with money, like I said I had no attachment and he was very materialistic. So, I think we balance each other out but making a transition from being like that to how he is now wasn’t not just a snap of the finger it was so much self-work. I have watched him write a journal every single day.
Lauryn: Making a thing to wake up every morning, he has worked on himself for the last I would say for the last 3 years every single day.
Michael: I think to her point it’s the example that a lot of young men grow up with. If more people talk about like that’s not the answer, those aren’t the things that are actually gonna make you happy, like yes having basic income needs met and having to pay your bills and provide food for your family. But beyond that it’s not the answer.
Lewis: Right. Where do you feel the most love and where do you feel the most pain in your life?
Lauryn: I feel the most love when my husband gets me every spec of his attention.
Lewis: And listens.
Lauryn: All five love languages, my main love language.
Michael: I think she capitalizes all five languages.
Michael: Gifts, stuffs.
Lauryn: It’s like that meme [?]. When I want attention from my husband I want his full attention and I don’t, I am not super needy when it comes to that. That’s when I feel most love when every single spec of your being is on me.
Lewis: So the only way he can love you the most is if he is fully paying attention to you 100% at a time?
Lauryn: In the moment. When we decide to have full attention I want the full attention.
Lewis: Like when you say [?].
Michael: Let me tell you what it’s like to date a Gemini. The beginning of lunch starts with ‘hey, I’m not gonna be able to talk this lunch I am so far behind.’
Lewis: A lot of this you got to take responsibility.
Lauryn: When do I feel the most pain? I feel the most pain when I’m in chaos I have a lot of pain when I am in chaos.
Lewis: You must be in pain your whole life?
Lauryn: Not my whole life, when I am in a really chaotic moment is when I feel the most pain.
Lewis: Wow that’s great.
Michael: Well, I think as a couple like feeling, I feel the most love probably when somebody understands. It’s the little things that recognize when somebody is in pain and step in. For me, when things are not going right or if I need a moment like I’m a very cerebral person. When she recognizes that and not hassle me for it because a lot of people want to jump in, she just understands and letting other people know.
I feel the least of that is when people push against the message.
Michael: I know exactly what’s gonna set her off, I know what she doesn’t like and I can get there. When you’re in a relationship and you have your significant other pushing those buttons you know it’s not coming from place of love you know it’s coming from a place ‘hey, I want to set this guy off.’
Lewis: Yeah. So, here’s a scenario. There’s a relationship of two people coming and one person says ‘I want to start a business together with you.’ What advice would you give a couple that’s been together for a few years that wants to do this?
Lauryn: I would say the first step is self-awareness. You need to be so in tune with who you are and how I would say to get there is to do this thing called ‘the morning pages’ and that’s 5 Julia Child the artist way. Basically, you wake up every morning and you brain dump onto a piece of paper for 3 pages not judging yourself. So, you just projectile what you’re thinking.
Lauryn: Anything. And if that was the self-awareness talk for 3 pages every single morning for a month I would write down what you are committed to. Then I would sit down with your partner and I would have a list in front of me and I would actually build out a strategic future by design, which is like ‘you set your goals with your partner and you are both committed to the same goals and then you work backwards with systems of how you are going to get there.’
Lauryn: Yeah. Working out or getting coffee I need to like get my head in the game because I think of myself of what I am doing as content not a professional athlete, but I want to be able to train at a high level all the time.
Lauryn: And to lay the foundation on my day I need to be cerebral, I need to be inside. So just really laying that out Michael and I didn’t do that to start and it sort of bit us in the ass later but then we ended up doing that. So, I would just say get on the same page and write it down so you go back to that and show each other.
Michael: I would say the first thing is really to define your idea of starting a business together compared to your partners. Your idea may be like ‘I want to operate this thing into a $100 million business.’ Your partner’s idea maybe ‘hey, we’re gonna have 2 or 3 people we can be able to travel all over the world and have fun doing this.’ So, that’s important to define just as a starting place of what’s your vision is.
The second part of that is really defining the role. I think all of those things should be talk about in advance because doing business together comes with all of the stress with starting a business.
Lewis: Separate stress than being in a marriage.
Michael: Completely separate. The most stressful thing is entrepreneurship and building.
Michael: Because not only is it reliant on your household or your family but anybody else you start to impact. So you have to carry all that weight and you have to be willing to do that.
Lewis: How do you guys manage money conversations?
Michael: Her money is hers and my money is hers.
Lauryn: We make our own money separately and we have the podcast together which is our own entity, we created.
Michael: We have holding company that hold [?]. So we own it jointly and that’ll have different brands.
Lewis: Do you work on that at all?
Michael: It’s a common misconception that people think that I’ve been working in [?], to this day outside of consulting with my wife and having this conversation, I’m not into day to day [?]. The only thing that intersects is obviously I run it into a medium and we have a podcast together.
Lauryn: I’m a very independent person and Michael is to. We’re very independent like I’ve always wanted to make my own money and have my own thing.
Lewis: You have a joint account too?
Michael: Yeah we have joint companies. I think that’s another thing not to get too technical here but [?]. It makes things clean, the companies are joint.
Lauryn: We like to invest together. The investment he’ll ask my opinion creatively because his opinion is more business and from the number standpoint I think that we make a good team when it comes to that. My main advice for this is ‘don’t settle.’
Lewis: For a relationship?
Lauryn: Because at 30 years old someone told you that you have to be married with kids. Don’t settle because at 35 years old [?], you can freeze your eggs. Don’t settle for someone who’s half-ass. If Michael and I weren’t together I really truthfully think that I would be single at this moment.
Lewis: Wow. So you guys invest together and you pay for your trips together or does that come up from your money?
Michael: It depends. I still like to take my wife to dinner and to check, but what I think is the biggest thing is, we’re not putting this huge pressure on the finances on the relationship.
Lewis: Save money.
Michael: If there is something that my wife and I do spend on its experiences but it is experiences together.
Lewis: What do you see is the biggest problem that can potentially happen over the next 3 or 5 years?
Lauryn: It could be anything from this is a morbid but it could be anything from [?] to breaking up, I mean you have to understand life takes you on different directions. People are like ‘the second we got married like when are you gonna have kids?’ I just think that you don’t have to conform to what society wants you to do, everyone is different.
Michael: As you put yourself out there as a public person on any scale the larger that scale gets the more outside opinions come in. I think the wheels can potentially fall off or become difficult and you’ve seen this before with many couples “If you let some of those outside voices that don’t know necessarily know what is going on.
Lewis: What do you guys do to make sure that doesn’t happen?
Michael: We have all these conversations and understand. It’s a unique scenario that not a lot of people understand typically because I’ve been through it, I think that we just have to keep having a dialogue as that’s happening.
Michael: For us we don’t have that luxury.
Lauryn: When we have kids I don’t know how I’m gonna feel I’m the type of person like I’m just going with each day. I don’t have a rule book for this, there’s definitely 20% of our relationship that’s kept off social media which I find special to us.
Lewis: What’s that?
Lauryn: When we’re on the bedroom or blogging.
Michael: I set the bar low because I know I didn’t want, I’m not a photographer I don’t have any interest in it and I’m not good at it. So, I would rather bring somebody in that’s a professional and have them do it.
Lewis: So when you’re in France will you hire a photographer?
Michael: Yes if it is necessary. Guys get in trouble because they set the bar pretty high in the beginning, but if I was in that position it would be non-stop if that’d be my job.
Lauryn: I actually turn the camera on him a lot.
Lewis: Do you like that?
Michael: I don’t mind.
Lauryn: I just snap him in his natural element you know what I mean. 56:53
Michael: I have to carry these massive bags everywhere, trust me it is ridiculous.
Lauryn: I like to snap.
Michael: They also spilled in the [?].
Lauryn: I’m trying to stay fit.
Lewis: You want to get out of shape? What’s gonna be the question that she never ask?
Michael: Sometimes I would think it would be nice, because I am somebody who just [?] forward and a lot of that time even if something is going wrong my default. Sometimes the question of ‘hey, are you all right?’
Lauryn: I am so used to him being a rock I never ask him that question.
Lewis: He never needs help.
Michael: Sometimes the other night we were in New York and we were running around and it was just an exhaustion day, [?].
Lewis: It’s probably the first time she’s heard that in a long time.
Lauryn: I don’t even remember the last time I heard that.
Michael: Not just physically but mentally.
Lauryn: You had like 18 meetings in one day.
Michael: It wasn’t, it’s fine it’s emotionally draining.
Lauryn: You should always ask your stronger friend and need to do that more.
Michael: I’ve never thought of that question but that is where my mind just went.
Lewis: What question would you wish Michael would have had ever ask you more?
Lauryn: What do you feel about that? I like when he just ask me a question without trying to like figure out the answer.
Michael: I saw Jeff Bezos doing this thing that’s what I’m going to need in order to [?].
Lauryn: I don’t ask for much.
Lewis: Where can we find you guys?
Lauryn: You can find us at the skinny confidential and then my blog is skinnyconfidential.com
Michael: The podcast and like I said we are doing a lot of different shows. I’m just Michael Bosstick everywhere.
Lewis: Do you guys have an account together?
Lauryn: I guess we have @TSCpodcast just the podcast.
Lewis: I’ve never been in a relationship like ‘man, it’s really good.’
Lauryn: It’s easy.
Lewis: My last relationship every day was like stress like something bad was gonna happen or, but I just felt like anxious all the time and she probably felt the same thing.
Lauryn: You’re used to chaos.
Lewis: It makes me emotional when I talk to her and like security.
Lauryn: What’s her vibe? Is she super business-oriented?
Lewis: She’s very like you probably. She has no days off.
Lauryn: You guys are on the same page she’s busy.
Lewis: She’s very independent and got her own thing and makes her own money and she just bought her mom a house last month and she doesn’t need anything from me.
Lauryn: That’s the best.
Lewis: She doesn’t need it but she can have it easily and that’s what I really appreciate about her. She’s a passionate Latina but she’s also super calm and loving and a great listener.
When we broke up last year I had like a month and a half reflecting my whole life. I realized I’ve never ask myself this I’ve always kind of repeated the pattern. And I had a moment where ‘they all were super beautiful to me’ they all had talent and gift that was different than the person before. And then they have all the third thing in common as well which is none of them believe they are beautiful or talented.
Lauryn: I knew you were gonna say that.
Lewis: They lack self-confidence.
Lauryn: And confidence is I think what is attracting you so much too.
Lewis: These are all my girlfriends and they are all amazing in their own way and I’m not trying to put anyone down here, but I reflected on it and these are things they had in common. For me, they never able to get over the hump like actually truly believing in themselves.
Lauryn: Because they have to feel that within and that’s you work on yourself.
Lewis: I felt like I was growing more in certain ways in that area.
Lauryn: That’s probably why you are feeling peace though because that 3rd one is fulfilled.
Lewis: So, I’m like a little anxious something happens wrong like in the future.
Michael: You just got to let it be good.
Lewis: Life’s gonna happen how it happens.
Michael: We talked about this all the time if you have a chaotic background or looking for something to fall off, it’s almost like you’re creating that Lauryn and I talk about this all the time like if something is good let it be good.
Lauryn: Confidence is the sexiest thing you can have in a friend, in a husband. Confidence is like that is for me charisma.
Michael: It’s a question we ask a lot of people in our show ‘how do they find confidence?’
Lewis: I think you create confidence by overcoming all of your emotional fears personally, because I felt like the only way I can become confident is because I embodied everything I was afraid of. When I was a teenager it was talking to girls, I could not talk to girls in my life.
One summer I try to talk to girls and that gave me confidence and overcome the emotional fear was creating those moments and I’ve done that in so many ways in my life because I was never confident, until I created it. So, I think for me that’s what really diving into those things.
Whatever your fears are, list them, I’m not talking about spiders and all that. Write a list down and circle the biggest one and go to that big one first.
Lauryn: That’s great advice.
Michael: Makes a lot of sense.
Lauryn: Putting yourself in the most uncomfortable situation over and over.
Lewis: When you tackle that you can do anything. I just did public speaking and I could not speak in front of five people to save my life.
Michael: I was gonna say that my biggest fear in my life was public speaking and now I speak for a living.
Lauryn: But it’s like riding a bike your rinse and repeat.
Lewis: Until it becomes you overcome that fear. So, that’s how I created it over the years.
Lauryn: I think you even putting it out there and saying that, that must feel good and liberating.
Lewis: What I was also like all my fears where people betrayed me and judged me and I was, everyone wants to be like by everyone right?
Lewis: My ego had to die so that I could know that I am still alive and know that it is okay, and now more people are following me and love me for who I am. So, I think it’s a part of like killing the ego and rebuilding constantly we need to do to build confidence.
Lauryn: And also just because you’re a public person like you’re not gonna do every single thing right all the time, like it’s crazy sometimes people get shamed for doing one thing and no one. It’s like they build you up to tear you down.
Michael: I think I apologize every week on the show. I think we’re not professing to be perfect here we’re just sharing the journey.
Lewis: I acknowledge you guys both for sharing the journey because you guys opened up in a big way. You guys are willing to go there and empower your audience in a big way to inspire them more than the boobs and makeup and type of conversations. You guys are a great example of a married couple that can be independent and thrive together and not kill each other. You seem like you really admire each other and you really love each other. I admire you for being able to do that in a world where it is easy to compare to other guys out there.
Michael: I’m sure they want to do more than that.
Lewis: Exactly. So, I admire and acknowledge you guys for staying committed to your vision and staying strong even when people may try to tear you down.
Michael: High praise coming from you.
Lauryn: Thank you for having us on your show.
Lewis: I’ve got a few final questions for you. 3 truths question.
Lewis: If this is your last day and you can only share 3 lessons with the world what would you share?
Lauryn: I would say you are in charge of your own future and create your own your future, and the second that you can own that and step into it your life will become immensely better.
Michael: You can live life on your own terms, you can and should break the status quo. You don’t need permission to do any of that.
Lewis: I like that.
Lauryn: My whole message is do you, be you on your terms. I think I feel most empowered and most confident when my parents always gave me that space to do me whatever that looks like, and if you’re listening to outside influences on how to live your life, I would sit back and I would a lot of time to reflect.
My last one would be don’t settle for mediocracy in any area of your life.
Michael: And don’t be willing to throw things away when they’re getting tough.
Lewis: Final question what’s your definition of greatness?
Michael: My whole thing when I think about the greatest people it’s people who have done things on their own terms and have gone against the grain and have push [?] and haven’t waited for permission. There’s so many of us that’s waiting. There’s no reason or no certification that we were given to do anything that we’re doing whether success or failure, if people stop waiting and start doing in anything I think those are the people that I am most impress with.
Lauryn: I would say getting rid of excuses. I would say get rid of the excuses and execute.
Lewis: There you go.
Lauryn: Thanks for having us.
Michael: Thanks Lewis.
Lewis: Thank you so much for being here and being a part of the school of greatness community. We have over 120 million downloads in the last 6 and a half years, we continue to grow on a rapid phase over 5 million downloads a month. Please share this with a friend lewishowes.com/820.
Tag Lauryn and Michael Bosttick as well let them know what you thought about their conversation and as always it is so good that you’re here.
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And no matter where you are in your life right now this is powerful information because running a marriage is kind of like running a business together, there’s a lot of things you need to do even if it’s not a business. So, I hope you found this valuable and just continue to take in every episode and use the things for you.
As Henry Ford said “Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is a success.”
I love you so very much you know what time it is, it’s time to go out there and do something great.