Are you waiting to be happy?
Maybe you’re waiting until you reach your goal weight, you get that car, or you get that promotion.
What if I told you that your happiness is not going to be there when you get those things?
You might feel a rush for a moment, but it won’t last.
On today’s episode of The School of Greatness, I created a mashup on happiness with quotes from Marisa Peer, Rich Roll, Trent Shelton, Brooke Ence, James Clear, Rachel Hollis, Shaun T, and Susan David.
All of these people agree that happiness cannot be found in things or achievement. It’s within your power RIGHT NOW to be happy.
Happiness is not something you search for. It’s something you choose.
What are you waiting for?
Get ready to learn all about happiness from some of the greatest minds in the world on Episode 740.
Lewis: This is one topic that has always fascinated me. It’s the thing that everyone seems to want but most people don’t know what it really is. They are chasing something and without knowing what they’re looking for or where it is that thing is happiness. Over the last few months I’ve been asking guests that come in what they believe happiness is and how it can be obtained. They’ve given some great insights and I want to share them with you.
Welcome to the school of greatness my name is Lewis Howes, a former athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur and each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today, now let the class begin.
Chances are you’ve asked where does happiness come from and how do I get to that place. Well Marisa Peer and Susan David both gave some insights about destination and happiness.
Marisa: People think there’s a destination toward happiness and they’re going on it, there is no destination called happiness. Happiness is the journey, happiness is an inside job, you’re never gonna arrive a terminal called happiness but the train you’re on whatever that is happiness. So, you have to choose to be happy now because you can’t go to happiness but if you choose it, it will come to you. So, you got to be happy all the time, it’s an inside job a state of mind, it’s actually a choice. I’m happy that I got a kid that gets strawberries all over the carpet as opposed to why I got a kid that so badly behaved. You go to choose to be happy in adversity rather than believe that when there’s no adversity, when there’s no stress I’ll be happy. People with money who are living on a yacht who got an amazing body are stressed because you can’t go to happiness, you have to be happy now and then happiness will always be there.
Susan: What most people don’t understand about happiness is that happiness cannot be a goal. What is fascinating is that we live in a society that tells us we should chase happiness, pursuit happiness and that we deserved happiness and in fact what the research shows when people pursuit happiness as a goal they actually become less happy overtime, they become so focus on the idea that there’s this thing called out there happiness that they should be getting. That they are not actually connected in the world as it is now and what’s fascinating is that I love quote which is “Expectations are disappointments waiting to happen.” And I think that applies to happiness, which is when you have this expectation of being happy and you set it as a goal you filter everything through that experience. So there’s been a lot of research going that when people are framed to look at how happy they are or to assess things through the eyes of happiness, they become more unhappy overtime and they experienced actually less joy. So, what I would say about happiness is that happiness comes through not chasing positive emotions, rather happiness comes through being able to be willing to experience whatever emotion you feel whether that’s sadness or anything else and that when you’re compassionate and open to yourself you actually start experiencing authentic happiness rather than false happiness.
Lewis: So if happiness isn’t a destination that we can land on then that leads me to my next question. What exactly is happiness? James Clear who is known for being analytical really broke down what the true definition of happiness is.
James: This maybe a technical answer rather than more practical or actionable one, but happiness is the absence of desire. So if you’re craving a change in state if you want something then you’re not happy because you desire to be in a different state than you are right now. So first you realize that I’m hungry and then you crave something I’m not happy because I haven’t eaten yet, or I realized my current state is that I don’t have enough money and I want to have more money so now I’m not happy because I have this gap between my current state and my desired one.
But in between that is desires to get result there’s a space where you don’t want the next thing. So, happiness is not just one thing it’s like observing your life without creating a change in it. So, I would say happiness in a lot of ways you could say just presence, as long as you observe your life and don’t crave for it to be different for you to change your state then you’re happy and content in your current state.
Lewis: This definition of not wanting or pursuing things makes a lot of sense but how do we get to that mental state? What are some actionable steps that will help us get to state where we can really be happy? Luckily, I got some insights from number 1 New York best-selling author Rachel Hollis from my good friend Rich Roll, Shaun T and Trent Shelton to break down how we get to a happy state.
Rachel: Something that most people don’t understand about happiness that it’s not an outside. Happiness isn’t dependent on outside influence, happiness is something that you create for yourself. I think that I grew up in a home where really severe depression and anxiety and panic attacks and all these seem really a lot of mental illness in my family and there was this belief that this was just the way things are, we’re always gonna be this way there’s nothing we can do to change it and if I learned anything about joy it’s that you have to reach for it every single day. You wake up and you get to decide today’s gonna be awesome or today’s gonna suck and I’ve got to choose it. So I definitely think that that’s something I wasn’t taught and I don’t know that most people are taught is this is up to you and if you want to be happy that’s on you. If you’re unhappy you’ve got to take ownership of that and if you want to be happy that’s your choice as well.
Rich: I think people think that they’re happiness can be achieved through the externals, through the accomplishments, through relationships, through finances and they don’t understand that the ability to be happy resides within them all the time and it’s about the relationship that you have about yourself. What most people don’t understand about happiness is that happiness is not connected to material things in anyway shape of form, it’s not connected to money, it’s not connected to a house, it’s not connected to a job it’s really connected to a person and relationships and it starts with the person in a relationship you have with yourself you can have relationship with other people and if you have great relationships with other people like happiness happens. The other thing is happiness also has different levels. You can’t really appreciate happiness if you don’t know what it’s like to be sad, so you also have to embrace all the emotions that come along with happiness. So, if you take happiness you to understand there’s a lot of emotions that go into it but more importantly it’s about the person you have a relationship you have with yourself and if you do things that surrounds greatness within you, but if you do things that make you just feel great about who you are, do things not buy things not buy things not drive things, it’s not about fitness or anything like that at all. It’s you do things that help you feel good about who you are then happiness is gonna happen and it’s gonna radiate to so many people and so many things and you will impact the world. It doesn’t matter if you have 1 Instagram follower or 35,000 or hundred million like some people.
Shaun: You know we live in a world where we think that happiness is something that we buy, happiness is something that we search for, something that people give us and I think as long as you’re depending on somebody to give you happiness you might find yourself unhappy. So, I think understand who you are, embrace who you are how you created everything about you flaws and perfections, realizing that makes you the perfect you I think that’s what happiness. So happiness is something that is inside of you it’s not something that you go search for.
Lewis: So, as you can see happiness starts within yourself. The foundation of happiness starts with your personal relationship with you. How you feel about where you are in your life, the things you say to yourself, the things you think about and whether your reward or punish each moment of your life. But let’s be honest, does happiness only come from within? Is it impossible to achieve happiness through outside items? Brooke Ence a top prospect competitor gave some interesting insights to this.
Brooke: I think that most people you know go through this turmoil of either thinking that they have to have certain things to be happy or they have the polar opposite of saying that I should be happy without anything, like no things should make me happy. I think it’s a matter of understanding that happiness is such a personal, it all starts with how you think about yourself and if you want a new. You want new pillows at your house that’s okay, if you buy those pillows and every time you come to the house they make you happy and you sit on the couch and they’re soft and you love them and you lay at them it makes you happy, that’s okay. Some people could look at that and say “You need this material to make you happy.” No, you just like the pillows and it’s okay to like things and it’s okay to want things. I think that more people need to focus on themselves. How they talk to themselves, how they allow themselves to enjoy life, how they allow themselves to enjoy the people around them and allow themselves to be happy or to be sad. I think that for me I’ve found that in moments where I feel like I can’t be sad or I can’t be mad and I sort of try to fake my happiness because that’s what I’m told I should do, I’m supposed to remain positive if I just allow myself to feel what I’m naturally feeling but understand that those feelings don’t define me and I can move through them or let them pass and outside of those moments or those things I’m already working on being happy or enjoying life and enjoying the people that I worked with and enjoying the things around me, I naturally come back to being happy and it’s not something that I’m faking, it’s not something that I am trying to do it’s just because I am living my best life and it doesn’t come from someone else. You know kind of like giving too much power to people that don’t matter, strangers really. Give more power to yourself and have more work on how you talk to yourself and how you’re compassionate with yourself will only result in happiness and everyone else will come and go, you’re constantly meeting new people and constantly having new experiences. So if you really focus on what you truly want, what your heart truly wants and how you treat yourself, everything else it will become that. You know the people around you will become happier, you’ll treat people better, your business will be better and overall that doesn’t mean there won’t be sad moments but you can move through and the journey through those ups and downs becomes so much smoother.
Lewis: So happiness is a very personal thing and you can get advice from others on how you can find it but in the end you are the only one who can decide what happiness is for you. If you find that you’re not happy understand that it’s okay, we can’t all be happy all the time but that doesn’t mean it is okay to never be happy. Take this time to self-reflect why are you not happy? What is it that you need or want that is missing in your life? Find that absence that James was discussing and understand that happiness does start within, but can be led to from outside of yourself. It’s okay to let a car or physical item to make you happy, but you need to understand if that’s what really makes you happy or if there is something underneath it all that you’re looking. Do you want the car to make people think differently about you? Because if that’s why the car won’t make you happy. So my challenge to you is to take time today to think about what you truly want in life. What is it that will make you feel complete? What will create the absence of what? What will create the absence of want in your life? And ultimately how is your relationship with yourself. I hope you enjoyed this episode all about the power of happiness. You know how much I love you, I appreciate you if you enjoyed this please share this with your friends tag me on Instagram @lewishowes. Subscribe to our podcast is this is your first time here and as always you know what time it is, it’s time to go out there and do something great.