Ending relationships is never easy.
But it’s a part of life.
Not all relationships last, but it’s how we end them that makes all the difference.
You can use the opportunity to plant seeds that better your future, or you can plant bitter seeds that will bloom into hatred and rage.
You make the decision.
It is possible to consciously uncouple.
For this Five Minute Friday, I revisited a conversation I had with Katherine Woodward where she explained the best way to end a relationship.
Katherine Woodward Thomas, M.A., MFT is the author of the New York Times Bestseller Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After, which was nominated for a Books for a Better Life Award, and the national bestseller, Calling in “The One:” 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life. She is also a licensed marriage and family therapist and teacher to thousands from all corners of the world in her virtual and in-person learning communities.
Katherine teaches us to understand our feelings and gives us techniques to release them.
Learn how to label your emotions and plant good seeds in Episode 816.
Lewis: This is 5 minute Friday!!
Welcome everyone to this episode a very special episode with a new friend of mine, her name is Katherine Woodward Thomas. For those who don’t know who she is, she is a life coach and a licensed psychotherapist. One in 3 founding faculty of evolving wisdom which was recently named by Inc. Magazine as the fastest growing online transformation educational company in America.
Katherine has had the privilege of co-leading virtual learning communities that includes hundreds of thousands of students from all over the globe. She also wrote the best-selling book called ‘calling in the one: 7 weeks to attract the love of your life’ which became a best-seller within 4 months of publication and has since gone on to sell over 200 thousand copies. She also has a new book coming out right now that’s called ‘conscious uncoupling.’
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Katherine: So one of the things that I offer people is the simple technique called ‘affect labeling’ in the psychological, which is basically the ability to put a name on each of your feelings.
Lewis: Okay so give me an example?
Katherine: So an example is, first of all there was a scientific study done where subject were looking at a computer screen and they were seeing faces of rage, hatred and they were being monitored and all of their vitals and they’re kind of going off the charts in blood pressure. And then they did another technique with the same pictures to a new group but put a name hatred, rage, despair, and the vitals did not go up in the same way.
Katherine: So what that shows is that when we have a name for the experience that we are having we don’t get overwhelmed. So language serves kind of a container.
Lewis: So, how would we use that in a breakup?
Katherine: So, I have a practice where it’s just very simply advice people to ask yourself. I’m feeling terrified, I can see you’re feeling terrified.
I am feeling so humiliated.
I am feeling really pissed.
I feel exhilarated because we have all these feelings going once they don’t want to get on with each other.
Katherine: So that process and then sometimes the feeling is overwhelming I also give them, people an opportunity to do this process of tongue language a Buddhist process. I’m not Buddhist myself but it’s a beautiful practice that [?] made very popular.
Katherine: And on the out I’m gonna breathe out a blessing to everyone in the world who in this very moment is suffering with this very feeling including myself. And it starts to be like you can hold the feeling more because you’ve made a big playing field and you see it as an impersonal experience.
Katherine: And then you become a force of good. Ideally what happens is we want to harvest the seeds of growth that are inside on each of our feeling. So, for instance the feeling of rage there’s a violation underneath it and there’s a part of us that’s saying ‘I should be treated better.’
Katherine: I deserved respect, I deserved that my feelings should matter to the people that love and that I’ve opened my life to and I deserved to have better. So, that can actually come a stand in you take because we’re gonna move to self-responsibility. So, you want to harvest the seeds of growth better and because this is the thing, there’s also a teacher [?] talks about karma and he breaks karma down and basically its original Sanskrit meaning, which means ‘the ability to plant seeds for the future.’ It is action seed result. So, every action that we take and make in that moment when we’re in a breakup is planting a seed for the future. And a lot of people who end up in that spiral who years later fighting and back in court is because at the very beginning people planted bad seed of hatred, rage.
Lewis: Hey guys if you enjoyed this inspirational clip from a past episode of the show then you’ll love the free book I’m giving away right now It’s called the millionaire morning and it includes some of my best tips for starting off your day with a millionaire mindset. Get your free copy at the millionairemorning.com and just pay shipping, again check it out right now the millionairemorning.com