Do you feel stuck in your relationship?
A lot of people get into relationships that last for years. Then if something happens where they feel that it’s not working anymore, they start questioning their happiness — even if it’s been ten years or even twenty years. As an instinct, they start trying to control the relationship or fix their partners.
They feel stuck!
It’s easy to lose yourself in a relationship and start thinking of two people as one. You may lose your individuality and imagine a life outside of that relationship. Your individual life goals are tossed to the side and all that matters is what you want to achieve together as a couple.
The last bit might sound like an ideal relationship, but is it really? While there is nothing wrong in loving someone and devoting your life to them, it’s also equally essential to keep a firm grip on your own individuality. Because isn’t that what makes you unique? Isn’t that why your partner fell in love with you in the first place?
If you are able to resonate with these thoughts and have been looking for a way to break the chain, then this episode might just be what you need right now.
Our guest today is Gary John Bishop, and he is going to tell us exactly how to love fully in your relationships, and to let go when the time and situation require so.
“When the responsibility for the quality of your life lies with anyone but you, you become the victim.” – Gary John Bishop
Before we dig deep deeper into how to let go and love fully in your relationships, let’s first get to know more about our guest.
Gary John Bishop is a leading personality development expert, coach, and New York Times bestselling author for his book – Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life. That’s not all, as Gary has written several other books including – Stop Doing That Sh*t, Do The Work, Wise as Fu*k, and most recently: Love Unfu*ked.
Originally from Scotland, UK; Gary has a passion for people and his purpose is to help us in tapping our true potential. From celebrities and athletes to CEOs of several multinational corporations, and stay-at-home individuals and couples, Gary has impacted the lives of thousands of people worldwide through his groundbreaking work.
“Fate leads the willing and drags along the reluctant. Either you control your destiny, or your destiny will control you. Life won’t pause for your pauses and procrastinations. It won’t stop for your confusion and fear. It will continue right along without you.” – Gary John Bishop
Gary’s “urban philosophy” approach brings to light a new wave of personal empowerment and life mastery that has helped countless people in improving the quality and performance of their lives.
Combined with world-class development and training, Gary has the uncanny ability to understand people’s circumstances and bring out the deeper issues that consume them and pull them down.
If you are willing and ready to learn the keys to a long-lasting relationship, then stick around for what Gary has to say!
What does it take to keep a relationship healthy? You may be in a relationship for many years or even decades, but longevity does not necessarily hint toward a healthy relationship.
“What keeps a human being involved in a [relationship is almost the same as asking myself] why do I like to play the guitar? Because it’s an engaging activity, and I’m curious about that thing and want to get better at it. I like the feeling of accomplishment. The same thing holds true for relationships. … People often look at relationships and think that I can’t do that for the rest of my life, … [but the point is that] you don’t have to… you just have to do it right now.” – Gary John Bishop
I absolutely agree with Gary when he says that just being able to get along with someone is not the most rational reason for people to be together in a relationship. It’s about the commitment to keep on growing as individuals and together as a couple. It’s not only about what is good for you, but also what is good for you together with your partner. And it’s about the vows that you take for yourself and the greater good.
“You have to start realizing that what you say [to your partner and yourself] is a big deal. A lifetime of constantly bending, shaping, and breaking your word to yourself will leave you with a diminished relationship with yourself. You’ll never do great things because somewhere in there you will think that you’re not worthy of it because you’ve broken your word to yourself.” – Gary John Bishop
Gary strongly believes that to be powerful and successful, you need to have a very strong relationship with yourself and a sense of commitment. It may be easier to follow through with your commitments in some areas of your life than in others, but if you aim to resolve the issues that pop up in between, you will have a better chance of achieving your goals.
You may be successful at many things in life and able to identify the positive qualities that led to your success. But does it necessarily mean that having these qualities would help you gain ground in everything in life including relationships? It may not!
“Ask yourself about your characteristics and strengths, … and maybe you will realize that you are hardworking and analytical, and competitive. Somewhere along the lines of your life, you feel that this is a good thing and that it helps you move further towards your [goals]. So there you are in your life being a certain way, and the more successful you are the more you are going to be this way, [to the point where the fine line has diminished]. … You may soon realize though that this may not work everywhere.” – Gary John Bishop
This idea really resonates with me. I define a piece of my identity as being a competitor, which I have been for most of my life being in sports. For years, I used sports as a tool to make myself feel better, to prove the bullies wrong from my childhood, and say “I’m going to make something of myself and I’m going to win at all costs”.
That mentality then translated into business in my twenties, and it worked in a sense. However, it left me feeling more against the people as compared to being with the people. The sense of accomplishment started waning.
“I too, for instance, am very competitive … and hardworking. It’s a trait of mine and it’s stood me in good stead. I’ve created a life and maybe derived some success from it. It could be other things too like being analytical which is an ontological element or the element of a human being. I’m competitive, I can point to all the places where that’s really done me well. … [But in relationships, this competitiveness does not help in any way].” – Gary John Bishop
Gary is a firm believer in the word “collaboration,” and that you can thrive, accomplish, improve, and make an impact through collaboration more than through competition. You can feel more connected through collaboration, and you can also experience more love and support, as opposed to having the feeling of “me versus the rest of the world.”
It wasn’t until I hit about 30 that I learned the idea of collaboration. That’s when I shifted from having the need to be number one and growing the fastest, to wanting everyone else to shine with me. That’s when I started this show and I said, “I’m gonna put the light on everyone else”.
This approach might be what you need in your relationships too!
Guys, I am so thankful for Gary’s wisdom and I hope that you too feel empowered by the knowledge that he had to share with us. We spoke about tons of other things that I could not fit into this post, so you should check out the rest of this episode of The School of Greatness to hear all of the wisdom he had to share.
Before ending my conversation with Gary I asked him to define greatness, and this is what he said:
“It’s the triumph for the human spirit. It’s the opportunity for somebody to go beyond, whatever that might be for you. It could be as simple a thing as going beyond some old hurt or pain, but sometimes it’s about going beyond a situation or a circumstance. I really do believe in the possibility of people living great lives.” – Gary John Bishop
If you are interested in the incredible work that Gary is doing, check out his website. You can also follow him on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter for a closer look at his life and work.
As for me, I really love hearing feedback from you folks and would be grateful if you could head over to Apple Podcasts to give me a five-star rating along with your feedback and what you resonated with the most within this episode. I’d also love it if you could tag Gary (@garyjohnbishop) and me (@lewishowes) on Instagram with a screenshot of this episode and your takeaways from it.
let us know your thoughts