Maya Angelou said, “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” And Beyoncé said, “Power is not given to you. You have to take it.”
We all live in an imperfect world, and many times there are failures we do not expect to happen. Some of the events may be beyond our control, but we have the power of choice to either evolve or settle down in despair.
My guest today, Sarah Jakes Roberts, has an inspiring story to tell about struggle, toxic relationships, and depression. But despite the challenges, she did not allow her story to end in failure — all because of a choice she made to evolve and move forward instead of settling down in self-pity and hopelessness.
In this episode, she will talk about how to heal your past and be kinder to yourself, how to develop self-confidence even when you feel like the world is against you, and the three most important qualities of a strong relationship. There are so many valuable lessons to unpack in this session, so let’s get started with our class today.
Sarah Jakes Roberts is an entrepreneur, motivational speaker, author, podcaster, and co-pastor, whose messages defy religious, socio-economic, gender, and cultural boundaries. She is on a philanthropic mission, helping women evolve into the best version of themselves. Sarah founded Woman Evolve, a digital multimedia platform that provides inspiration, tools, and resources for women to assist them in their journey towards self-discovery of their purpose in life. Since its inception in 2017, Women Evolve has already helped thousands of women find love, healing, and awakening to their true selves.
Sarah Jakes Roberts is a New York Times bestselling author of the book, Woman Evolve: Break Up with Your Fears and Revolutionize Your Life, which talks about how disappointments and past mistakes can help you become a woman God intended. She penned her first book in 2014 — Lost and Found: Finding Hope in the Detours of Life — which is a memoir of her inspiring story of survival and triumph. She has been featured in several media outlets, such as The Associated Press, Essence, Dr. Phil, The Today Show, and The 700 Club.
Throughout her career, Sarah Jakes Roberts has received many awards for her charitable works. She was celebrated as a National Overcomer by Pat and Emmitt Smith Charities, along with Robin Roberts, the co-host of Good Morning America.
The all-around girl next door is a mother of six beautiful children and a loving wife to a businessman and author, Tourè Roberts. Both Sarah and Tourè work together in properly balancing career and family time, ensuring the family bond remains strong while working on their missions to help others and nurturing their careers. Sarah believes that a strong family relationship is critical to personal growth and the development of self-confidence.
Have you felt like the world is against you?
It can be hard to maintain your composure and self-confidence during times when it seems like the whole world is against you. But some people still have that strong confidence from within in any situation. It’s because self-confidence is something you create, and not something you have. It may be nothing more than just a belief in yourself, and yet the impact can be devastating if you fail to accomplish anything due to a lack of self-confidence. So, how do you develop self-confidence to stay on top of the game?
First, you need a positive mindset. This may involve a change in focus because energy flows where the focus goes. So, instead of thinking about what could go wrong, focus on the things that could go right.
Secondly, accept and dissect failure. You have to know that failure is always a part of any undertaking. You cannot do away with it, but you can overcome failure by dissecting it in order to extract the lessons from the experience.
“We have to come to a place where we realize that not everything you do is going to win. It’s like, you’re gonna suck sometimes. … When your goal is mastery, you recognize that failure is going to be a part of the process. But because you want to be a master, you dissect that failure, extract the wisdom from it, and apply it to the next try. Because at the end of the day, I’m going for mastery.” – Sarah Jakes Roberts
Lastly, don’t shut off but bounce back with more wisdom from the lessons of the experience. When things are not going well, or if you feel like the world is against you, don’t settle down and linger in a world of self-pity. Instead, evolve from the experience and move forward, this time with better strategies to achieve success.
“If you have a podcast and the numbers don’t go well, we don’t turn the cameras off and walk out of the building. … We’re coming back. … We’re going to do whatever’s necessary, … [such as] ask better questions, … [and] do more research next time. Because failure is not where I’m going to allow the story to end.” – Sarah Jakes Roberts
Sometimes you may think that failure is unavoidable, when in fact, failure is a choice. What you perceive as failure could be just one of many setbacks. You only fail when you give up. As long as you keep on trying, you cannot fail until you succeed. It’s important to have this mindset in order to foster stronger self-confidence.
The above ways to develop self-confidence may look easy but they can be hard in reality, especially when your morale is running low. But if your relationship with the people around you is strong enough to give you the support you need, you can easily get back up and build the confidence from within necessary for growth. So, what are the qualities of a strong relationship? Sarah Jakes Roberts has three qualities to share.
Good character is formed from positive and strong family relationships where every family member feels secure and loved. A strong family also provides the chance for self-confidence and values to grow and be nurtured with love and support. It’s important for families to have support from each member to strengthen the relationships because it’s what keeps them together. The child’s early development lies in how strong the family relationship is. Sarah Jakes Roberts shares the three most important qualities of a strong relationship.
In every good relationship, there is always respect. Respecting the personal boundaries of each member is the key to a harmonious relationship. It keeps the people in a relationship bonded together. Without respect, problems will start to set in, leading to quarrels and disappointments. It may seem hard to accept the individual differences with the other parties. That’s why respect must be complemented by love, which fuels respect and allows you to accept individual differences. If respect bonds relationships, love seals the bond and further strengthens them.
“I love the way my husband sees the world. — I respect it. … I have respect for his mind. I have respect for his decision-making. … And I feel like that level of respect in our relationship sounds basic and fundamental.” – Sarah Jakes Roberts
Treat the family as the core of life, and every family member should respect the boundaries of the family as a whole, aside from individual boundaries. So, if you happen to have an appointment on a Sunday, and there are family outings during Sundays, that appointment has to go or be rescheduled to another day. It also means supporting each other’s activities, like watching your son’s football games and supporting your daughter with her ballet performances. By spending time with the family and supporting each other’s activities, you’ll promote a stronger family relationship. This also applies in any form of relationship.
“Number two …. we are the nucleus of our world, which means if we’re not good, we cannot expand beyond that. If that means we have to cancel meetings, my husband has put up a guest speaker on Sunday because we weren’t flowing well — … we don’t fake it and then come back and we’ll figure it out. … We don’t allow our nucleus to be torn apart.” – Sarah Jakes Roberts
Recapping the day is a way of checking on how others feel during the day. It is focused on emotions and feelings rather than actions. It should not be taken as strict monitoring of the activities of the other parties, but as an expression of care and love, allowing open and transparent communications to flow through.
“The third, non-negotiable for me, is a recapping of our day. … What did the world look like from your perspective? Even if we spent the whole day together. … And so having that moment at the end of the day where it’s like, ‘How did you experience this world? … What did you experience emotionally as an opportunity to love one another better?’” – Sarah Jakes Roberts
Sometimes, people may seem physically fine and okay, but deep inside, they could be mentally or emotionally struggling. By recapping the day, you are opening the chance for expressions to come forth so that love and care can flow in.
Guys, this episode is packed with so many valuable lessons on relationships, faith, and building your self-confidence. I’m sure it will help strengthen the relationship with your family. Listen to the full episode and don’t forget to share it with your friends, especially those whom you know who are struggling with relationships.
Follow Sarah Jakes Roberts on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram for more wisdom. You can also subscribe to her Youtube channel for more insights and videos of her previous motivational speaking engagements.
I want to leave you all with Sarah’s definition of greatness:
“Daring to live vulnerably for the world to be inspired by and taught by. I think that’s greatness.” – Sarah Jakes Roberts
Some people think that vulnerability is a sign of weakness. But if you recall the times in your life when you were in the most vulnerable situations, you will realize that those were also times of great courage. So, dare to live vulnerably and inspire the world with your courage, and don’t forget to do something great every day.