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Mel Robbins

Find Your Confidence

"Confidence is the willingness to try.”

We all need a tool chest filled with things that will help us with confidence, and motivation – especially if we want to be successful. One of the most powerful, useful, and important ones you need is the 5 second rule.

On this 5-Minute Friday I felt I HAD to bring you this tip from our episode with Mel Robbins.

She’s a bestselling author, a former criminal defense attorney, a CNN commentator, happily married for 20 years, and a mom of 3 kids. She also has a 7-figure speaking business and is an inspiration of mine.

Mel was easily one of my favorite interviews, and I know this is a tool that can launch you further than you ever expect.

Hear all about her secret weapon and how to utilize it on Episode 570.

"There’s only one you, and there’s only ever going to be one you.”  

Some Questions I Ask:

In this episode, you will learn:

  • The simple way Mel built her confidence (1:03)
  • How much time you have to take action (1:45)
  • What else Mel’s secret tool is useful for (3:01)
  • The thing that every successful person is doing (3:42)
  • What confidence really is (4:19)
  • Plus much more…

Show Notes:

Connect with
Mel Robbins

Transcript of this Episode

Lewis Howes:                      This is 5-Minute Friday!!

Oh my goodness, guys! I am so excited about our guest today! Why? Because she is incredible! That’s right! She’s here, in studio, on the school of greatness, and for those who don’t know who Mel Robbins is, you’re in for a treat.

She is a CNN analyst. The most booked female speaker in the entire world, with a 7-figure speaking business, a best-selling author and contributing editor for Success Magazine, and she’s been happily married for 20 years. She’s got three kids and she’s got a new book out, called, “The Five-Second Rule”.

Mel Robbins:                        I woke up to the lean on the house, the fighting with Chris, the unemployment, the lack of confidence, the lack of courage, the whole thing! But I did something I had never done before. I went, “Five… Four… Three… Two… One.” Just like NASA. I actually counted. And then I stood up, and I was like, “What the hell just happened?! What?! That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard!”

The next morning I used it again and it worked. The next morning I used it again and it worked.

What I’m about to tell you is right under everybody’s nose: There’s a five-second window between the instincts, the should’s, the urges, the inner wisdom, the things that can change your life if you listen to it. You’ve got a five-second window, from the moment you feel that instinct, to move. And if you don’t, your brain is actually designed to kill it.

So, if you’re in the middle of a difficult conversation and you feel those feelings come up that normally trigger you, to start editing yourself, or to sensor yourself, or to silence yourself, or to think sabotaging thoughts in a business negotiation: Five… Four… Three… Two… One… Awaken the pre-frontal cortex. Get back in the game.

It has given me mastery over myself. I get so choked up just thinking about this. I used to feel out of control. And this rule allows me to be the best version of me and to interrupt all the garbage that can trigger you to behave in a way that’s inconsistent with your values and your dreams. So, that has been the single greatest gift.

That, and also, you know, I think the other thing that’s super cool is that it is a tool that certainly prompts you to act, but it is also a tool that helps you tune in to your inner wisdom. You’re not only going to start waking up, you’ll be so in tune with those signals that come from your instincts, not emotional, but instinctual, that you get a direct line to your inner voice. You get a direct line.

One of the things that’s always struck me: If you list all the people that you admire, right, yeah? Richard Branson, Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates, like, everybody’s got kinda the same…

Lewis Howes:                      Mel Robbins.

Mel Robbins:                        Yeah, well, whatever. Lewis, for sure! If you list all those people, Jay Z, Beyonce, like, everybody. Everybody that you admire is doing the exact same thing. They actually listen to their inner wisdom. They have figured out how to tune out the critic, up here, and trust the instincts.

I have this saying about confidence, that I’ve only recently, kind of stumbled into as I’ve been digging into more research around the science of confidence and the skill of confidence, because a lot of people think that confidence is a personality trait. It’s not. It’s actually a skill that you build through action.

And a lot of people think confidence is a state of belief. It can be, but that’s not where it begins. And so, I say that confidence is the willingness to try. That’s all that it is. Knowing that you may succeed or survive, but you’ll still try. And, to me, all those people that we admire most, that’s what they’re doing. They have the ability to tune in to those instincts that are true for them.

Because the fact is: There’s only one you. That’s it. And you matter, because there’s only one you and there’s only ever going to be one you, and your instincts and your experiences and your inner wisdom is a gift to the world. And every time that you tune it out because of the habit of hesitating, or the habit of self-doubt, or the habit of worrying, or the habit of over-thinking, you are robbing the world of that gift that you have to give to everybody.

And you can use this simple, stupid, silly tool, to train yourself to not only hear it, but also to develop the skill of courage to act on it.

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