Relationships are the most essential things in our lives, second to none. They are where we feel loved, fulfilled, and happy. A romantic relationship offers its participants something no other type of human relationship can offer — true intimacy.
However, even with all the rewards that relationships bring us, many people are dissatisfied with their current love life, marriage, or long-term relationship. Sometimes this dissatisfaction comes from a lack of knowledge about healthy and happy relationships. Luckily, today’s guest will provide us with secrets and wisdom to help us have the loving, fulfilling, and happy relationships we deserve. Let’s all welcome Dr. Phil McGraw — who you might know simply as Dr. Phil!
My conversation with Dr. Phil was so powerful that I had to split it up into two parts! In this part, we dive deep into his current 45-year marriage. Dr. Phil shares his three pieces of advice for a happy and successful marriage and talks about the power of making eye contact with your partner daily. This advice is meaningful and helpful for anyone looking to stay in a long-term healthy relationship with their partner.
If you’re looking to learn how to improve your current relationship or want to start a relationship off right, this is an episode you’ll surely love! Let’s dive in!
Who Is Dr. Phil McGraw?
Dr. Phil McGraw is one of the most well-known and trusted mental health professionals in the world. He is also the best-selling author of nine books, which include the best-selling titles, Life Strategies, Relationship Rescue, Self Matters, and Family First.
He also hosts TV’s number one daytime talk show, Dr. Phil. His show focuses on presenting compelling stories about real people with various emotional and behavioral problems and strips away the shame that too often keeps people from seeking help. During his time with guests, he offers solutions based on evidence-based treatment options and state-of-the-art research in psychology, psychiatry, and medicine.
Dr. Phil values his academic training and professional qualifications, which is evident in our insightful and excellent discussion! So, without further ado, let’s dive into our conservation!
The Biggest Lesson From a 45-Year-Old Marriage
Dr. Phil and his wife, Robin, got married in 1976, and they’ve been together ever since. But what most people don’t know is they were together for almost five years before deciding to tie the knot. Dr. Phil thinks this decision to delay their marriage is the biggest lesson that has helped their marriage over the last 45 years.
“I think until you’ve been out and seen some of the world on your own, it’s hard to know who you are entering into a relationship with. … When Robin and I got married, I had finished my bachelor’s and master’s degrees. I’d been in and out of business and lived on my own. … At that point, I felt like I knew a little bit about life and knew who I was getting into a relationship with. She always knew who she was. … 45 years later, and we got along great.” – Dr. Phil McGraw
For most couples, getting married is something that comes up immediately. But for Dr. Phil and his wife, it was a conscious effort to not jump directly into it. They felt like they wanted to focus on their relationship and get to know more about themselves first. This approach may be the reason why they have stayed together for more than four decades.
When asked about what he loves most about his wife, Dr. Phil doesn’t shy away from saying that her character is one of the most striking things about her.
“Robin has this spirit of adventure, which I love about her. She is also fiercely loyal. … She’s a lot of fun, and she’s got a great sense of humor” – Dr. Phil McGraw
Many of us tend to jump into a relationship without thinking it through which leads to many problems in the future. Some include not knowing what they truly want or feel and can cause the relationship to fail. Some people even decide to get married because of insecurities and the need to be in one. For Dr. Phil, these aren’t the right reasons because they hinder us from dealing with our baggage and finding our true selves.
Like what happened in Dr. Phil’s relationship, I also believe that if you take things slow and focus on your character first, getting into a healthy relationship is possible. If we remind ourselves to take our time and go about things the right way, we might have a better experience in love and life.
The Three Secrets for a Happy & Successful Relationship
I know many people who stay together for a long time, but they’re not happy. I feel like they say, “Well, we’ve been here for 30 years,” but their kids know that they should’ve got divorced a long time ago. So, what is Dr. Phil’s answer for having a happy marriage that can make one say, “I can’t spend enough time with her?” Here are his answers.
#1: Deal with the issues when they come up
Dr. Phil feels that when couples fail in their marriage, it’s not because of significant issues like infidelity and money problems. Instead, it’s minor day-to-day irritations or frustrations that couples let accumulate.
“People ask us if we have big fights and blowups. The answer is, we don’t, because we deal with stuff before it gets big. It doesn’t mean we don’t have disagreements, because we certainly do. We just don’t let things build up across time. We don’t procrastinate emotionally. We will deal with it when it comes up.” – Dr. Phil McGraw
When you deal with the issue when it arises, you don’t allow yourself to have unfinished emotional business. You avoid things stacking on top of another until resentment builds out of them.
You’ve probably seen it happen in relationships too. When people get mad because they feel like they were talked to or treated a certain way, they stay angry about it until the next day. Then it keeps growing until weeks and months pass. It builds resentment over time, and it’s like an explosion the next time they see each other because there’s so much built up. Like Dr. Phil, I also think it would make a massive difference in their relationships if people would really commit to dealing with issues proactively.
