Your Mind Doesn’t Care About Being Happy
A very long time ago, our lives used to be a lot more stressful. There was no such thing as thriving – there was only surviving. It was eat or be eaten, and often, we were the ones getting eaten.
In order to survive, our brains had to be negative. You didn’t survive a natural disaster, attack, or disease by being optimistic. And even though things are a lot better for us now, our brains really haven’t changed.
Often, we’ll say things like, “Ugh, if that person talks to me again, I’ll die” or “I literally cannot survive another meeting at work.” Hyperbole like this seems harmless, but Marisa thinks differently.
“We don’t understand that the brain has no sense of humor, and only picks up words and thinks they’re real.” – Marisa Peer
Marisa’s clients struggle with a myriad of different things — infertility, migraines, depression, obesity, to name a few — and often she finds that even though the symptoms of these things are very real and have impact, the cause of the illness is often psychosomatic.
“70% of these issues, although the symptoms are real – you have a real migraine and real flaky skin – the cause of them is completely psychosomatic because the mind’s job is to tune into your thoughts and give you what it thinks you want.” – Marisa Peer
Marisa gives an example: A woman suffers from chronic headaches. She’s a waitress, and her father has always given her a hard time about “she’s done nothing” with her college education. So, in order to stop hearing the constant criticism, the woman unconsciously starts developing headaches, that prevent her from pursuing the career he wants for her. Because if she has headaches, she has an excuse. The criticism turns into, “My poor daughter. She could be a lawyer or a doctor, but she’s got these headaches!”
This is what Marisa calls, “role function purpose.” When a symptom of an issue, like a headache in this example, suddenly has an intended purpose that “benefits” the patient (i.e. escaping criticism), then that symptom isn’t going anywhere.
“We think our mind’s job is to make us happy. It really isn’t. It’s to make us survive against what were once really pretty bad odds. And how we survive is, everytime we say something like, ‘That would kill me. I’d die if that happened,’ the mind goes on red alert to stop it from happening.” – Marisa Peer
We tell ourselves some pretty crazy stuff, and sometimes, we subconsciously create “intentions” for the pain we experience. Mental pain is often expressed through the body. Thankfully, Marisa thinks that the solution to this problem is really simple: train yourself to think better thoughts.
Tell Yourself a Better Story
Often, telling ourselves better thoughts means telling ourselves a better story.
Marisa explains that our brains are wired to chase familiar experiences and flee from unfamiliar ones. This makes sense right? Trying something new is always more difficult than doing what you’ve always done.
Our tendency to crave familiarity can lead to some dangerous habits. Ever been in a toxic relationship? Often, that toxicity becomes familiar over time, and suddenly it just becomes your reality. You tell yourself a false narrative — that this is just how relationships are — and you stay in that false narrative for as long as possible.
“Humans are hard-wired to recreate what they know … We like what’s familiar, even if that’s very bad.” – Marisa Peer
So, then, how do we change our story? How do we make thoughts like “I’m beautiful, I’m worthy, I’m capable” stick in our brain and become familiar?
“Well, you get up in the morning and go, ‘I’m a good person. I have a skill, I have a talent, I have something to offer the world. I’m here for a reason … So, whatever you [want] to hear, say it to yourself, because your mind doesn’t even know that it’s coming.” – Marisa Peer
I know right? It sounds almost too easy, but here’s the thing — you have to be consistent. If you’re going to tell yourself a better story and you want it to stick, you gotta tell yourself that story every day.
“There is actually nothing on the planet that will raise your self esteem like praise, but self-praise is better … And the mind likes repetition and when you say it every day, your mind kind of goes, ‘Oh you, here you go again with that praise. You say it every day, it must be true … The problem is, if you criticize yourself every day, it says the same thing.” – Marisa Peer
It all goes back to the story you’re telling yourself. Bad things will inevitably happen to us — and when something happens, we attach meaning to that situation. We sometimes blame ourselves, and that self-criticism is harmful. But, if we can reverse the tide and change that story from “I’m worthless” to “I’m worthy,” then everything changes.
Marisa Peer: The “I Am Enough” Movement
I asked Marisa what is the thing that she sees the most that people struggle with, and I was thinking she’d say something like stress or anxiety.
“It’s always a belief, ‘I’m not enough.’ That is the biggest thing. In fact, I always say to my clients, ‘There’s only three things wrong with them … Number 1 is, I’m not enough. The second one is, I’m different, so I can’t connect. And the third is, I really want something, like freedom from depression or success, but it’s not available.” – Marisa Peer
What it ultimately comes down to is that people don’t believe in themselves and are afraid of rejection. From the time we’re little, we are wired to “find connection and avoid rejection.” And the fear of rejection is often crippling and can cause a ton of issues.
When I was in grade school, I was terrified to talk to girls. I was terrified of being rejected. And then I realized that my fear was paralyzing — it was limiting any opportunity for relationships. So then I challenged myself to talk to every girl in my class. Some of them didn’t care to be my friend, but others did. I began to learn that the only person who could truly reject me was me.
People can only reject you if you let them.
“I am enough.” This is a phrase that Marisa wants you to tell yourself — over and over again. Set a reminder on your phone. Write it on your mirror. Get a freaking tattoo if you want to!
And when people treat you like you aren’t enough, there are some things Marisa wants you to say:
Let’s go through a simple scenario.
“You know, Lewis, I listened to some of your podcasts on Youtube. And honestly, I’m embarrassed for you.”
I missed that. Could you repeat that for me, slowly?
*Usually, after asking someone to repeat a mean comment and really think about the words they are saying, they won’t. They’ll back off. But let’s say that they do repeat it. What do you say now?*
Are you trying to hurt my feelings?
*This isn’t defensive – you’re not letting the comment hurt you. This is just a simple, honest question. Usually, they’ll say no, but if they’re a bully, they’ll probably keep pressing.*
“Yeah, Lewis. I am. Your podcast stinks.”
*Marisa explains the bullying is like a seesaw – the bully likes to be on top and be the dominating power. Bullies feel inferior, and so they are constantly looking for ways to push themselves up and other people down. This is what you gotta say:*
Well, it’s not going to work, because I’m not letting that rejection in.
If you can use those things (Could you repeat that? Are you trying to hurt my feelings? It won’t work.), then you don’t let that rejection in. You affirm to yourself that you are enough.
“You are enough. You’re not your weight, your shape, your size, your bank account, [or] your childhood. You’re enough … write it, read it, say it, [and] think it. It goes in and does the most incredible work.” – Marisa Peer
Words have power. Lies can shut us down, but we have the power not to let them.
Why You Should Listen Right Now…
When we understand that our thoughts become reality, we can actively work towards changing that reality into something positive, uplifting, and healthy. We can manifest our thoughts by visualizing, by telling ourselves what we want and who we want to become.
We can not only improve our emotional health but also some of our physical health as well. Mental pain is often expressed through the body. So naturally, if we work on improving our thinking patterns, our body is going to be affected positively as a result!
I know you all are going to love this Marisa Peer podcast episode. She teaches in a way that is simple and approachable but so insightful. A lot of people overcomplicate their feelings — the pain, the past trauma, their story — and they feel like there’s no way out. But Marisa simplifies everything and creates a process that makes it okay for people to let go of the things that they’re holding onto. She helps so many people heal.
Here’s her definition of greatness:
“My definition of greatness is do what you love and love what you do. Everyone has a gift, and your gift tends to lie behind what you love. So find what you love, and then you’ll never work a day in your life.” – Marisa Peer
What an inspiration. If you want to learn more about Marisa Peer’s hypnosis therapy or Rapid Transformation therapy, check out her website and find someone who will change your life in 90 minutes.
And remember, friends:
“You are enough.”
To greatness,
