Are you in a failing relationship?
If you’re like most people, you enter into relationships with the best of intentions. You want to be with someone who makes you happy, who is your best friend, and who loves you for who you are. But sometimes things don’t go as planned. You might find yourself in a relationship that’s no longer working for you. If that’s the case, don’t give up! There’s still hope, and our guest today will share some of her wisdom about relationships.
Welcome back, friends, to The School of Greatness. Today’s guest is Judge Faith Jenkins, who started her law career as a litigator in a New York City law firm before becoming an assistant district attorney prosecuting criminals in Manhattan.
In this episode, we discuss how to not settle in your relationships, how to have emotional maturity in your relationships and why this is so key, the subtle red flags that most people miss when finding a partner, the biggest reasons that marriages fail today, the key things to look out for in a high-value partner, and so much more.
Judge Faith Jenkins started her law career as a litigator in a New York City law firm, before becoming an assistant district attorney prosecuting criminals in Manhattan. Over the last decade, she’s been the host of shows such as the popular TV series Divorce Court, which focuses on helping couples resolve personal and legal disputes.
Today, Judge Faith continues to provide legal commentaries on television on legal and social matters, and she appeared and featured on various media platforms like Fox 5 and CNN, before signing with MSNBC as a legal analyst.
She’s also written a new book called Sis, Don’t Settle: How to Stay Smart in Matters of the Heart. I love this conversation because she’s a divorce court judge talking about getting the right relationships. She has seen the worst relationship cases out there, so she’s one of the best people to talk about relationship issues and warn us about the subtle red flags to look for when finding a partner.
When it comes to finding a partner, most people are looking for someone that they can trust and love. However, sometimes we can be so blinded by our own desires that we miss the subtle red flags that are right in front of us. By recognizing these signs early on, you can avoid getting into a toxic relationship that will only lead to heartache. So, what are the subtle red flags to look out for?
“If you tell me you’re a vegan and you eat meat, … what does it say about that person? It’s saying that, for some reason, … they can’t be true to themselves with you. They’re trying to project someone who they think may impress you, and it’s not really who they are. So when you see those subtle things that you don’t understand, like why didn’t this person just be true and honest with me [when it’s] a small thing, how do you think they’re gonna handle the big things? So I actually look at those little things. What kind of digital footprints are people leaving online? On their social media?” – Faith Jenkins
We all want to be loved and feel accepted for who we are, but in order to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship, we first need to be honest with ourselves. It’s important to be true to yourself, and not pretend to be someone we’re not. When you are true to yourself, you can be authentic in your interactions, and this creates a more meaningful relationship.
Many couples fail because they don’t properly prepare for relationships. They think that everything will just fall into place, but that’s not always the case. If you want your relationship to be successful, you need to make a commitment and put in the work.
“You’re going to come across a lot of people you find physically attractive, but that may be the initial attraction factor that gets you to talk to somebody or have an initial conversation with them. But really everything after that, as you dig deeper into who a person is, those are the things that will speak to a relationship’s success in longevity. If you wanna do something well, and you want to be great at something, you’re gonna prepare for it, and your relationships should be no different.” – Faith Jenkins
There’s something about being in a relationship that can be incredibly appealing. Maybe it’s the idea of finally finding someone who will make you feel complete, or maybe it’s the thought of having someone at your side during good and bad times. Whatever the reason, many people rush into relationships without stopping to think about what they’re getting themselves into. Unfortunately, this often leads to disaster and heartaches later on when the relationship fails. So, how do you prepare for a relationship? Judge Faith suggested asking yourself a couple of questions.
“Do I know how to communicate effectively? Because if I don’t, it’s gonna show up in my relationship. Do I know how to manage conflict? Well, because if I don’t, it’s gonna show up in my relationships. Do I know how to set boundaries? If I don’t, I may choose somebody with whom I may become codependent. It’s gonna reflect in who I choose to associate myself with. So I started preparing myself for being in the type of relationship that I really wanted to be in becoming the right person because hopefully, I would have to be able to make better choices.” – Faith Jenkins
It’s no secret that relationships take work, but what many people don’t know is that the key to a lasting relationship is preparation. This means taking the time to get to know your partner, develop a strong friendship, and learn how to navigate potential conflicts. If you’re willing to put in the effort, you can create a relationship that will last for years. However, aside from a lack of preparation, many relationships also fail because of a lack of commitment.
“[Relationships fail because] people are not being committed to the same commitment, and that is the growth, the love, the respect, [and] finding out how your partner wants to be loved because everybody wants to be loved in a different way, and it may change over time. So you’re constantly evolving, and a part of your job as a good partner is to find out how this person wants to be loved?” – Faith Jenkins
When we invest in someone, it means more than just giving them our time or money. We are making a commitment to love and care for that person, and to help them grow into their best selves. It can be a challenge to learn how someone needs to be loved, but it’s so worth the effort! When we discover what makes another person feel loved, we form a bond that is truly unbreakable.
There’s no doubt that when it comes to relationships, finding someone who is a high-value partner is key. But what exactly makes someone a high-value partner? And how can you tell if the person you’re interested in is one? There are several things to look out for if you’re looking for a good partner, and Judge Faith lays out a few important ones.
“There are a lot of things, but one that I think is incredibly important is how do they treat people around them who they may perceive as weak or vulnerable? … How do they treat the people in their life who can’t do anything for them? … They understand that love is a conscious decision. … So I’m not talking about just a level of perfection here. I’m talking about a commitment to growing.” – Faith Jenkins
A successful relationship is based on a commitment to grow together. It’s important for both partners to be willing to work on themselves and the relationship. If you’re not committed to growth, then your relationship won’t last. Growth requires effort and time, but it’s worth it in the end. With a commitment to growth, you can have a lasting and happy relationship.
Guys, I’m sure you’ll love this interview because it is packed with so many words of wisdom from my special guest, Judge Faith Jenkins. If you have some friends who are struggling in the relationship area of their life then make sure you spread this message to them. You could make a positive change in someone’s life today.
Follow Judge Faith on social media. She’s on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Check out her website, as well, and subscribe to her Beyond the Bench newsletter.
I want to acknowledge Judge Faith for being such an incredible person for spreading love and positivity to everyone. At times, it may seem like the world is full of negativity, but it’s important to remember that we have the power to change that by spreading love and positivity. We can make a big difference in the world. So let’s all pledge to do our part in making the world a more positive place. It starts with each and every one of us!
To conclude this episode, I asked Judge Faith for her definition of greatness, and her answer was this:
“[Greatness is] achieving a level of inner peace, no matter what is going on around you. Ships sink not because of what’s around them, but because of what gets in them.” – Faith Jenkins
It’s easy to feel great when everything is going your way, but what about when things are tough? That’s when it really counts because if you can still find a way to be at peace with yourself, then you’re truly great. No matter what life throws your way, know that you have the power to stay strong and achieve greatness.
If no one’s told you lately, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. Now it’s time to go out there and do something great.
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