Lewis Howes

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Let Go of Attachment

“Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.” Eckhart Tolle

Letting go is a courageous act of surrender.

No matter who you are, you can lose your home, your job, your business, your family, your investments, your spouse, children, your health…everything and anything can be lost by anyone in any moment.

Human life has a lowest common denominator and we are all subject to it–the greatest equalizer on Earth is the fact that our time here in this body is limited.

We go about most of our days with a schedule and a plan and the rhythm of our life is steady, predictable. Most of us seek stability in our relationships, finances, and the other foundations of our existence.

Sometimes life is so steady that we may start to believe we have it all together and that other people don’t.

But then something happens to disrupt our illusion of security and privilege and we are once again reminded of the great mystery that this life is.

This is why I am such a huge fan of practicing gratitude. So that I may never take any of this for granted.

When you let go of something you are holding onto, you make room for your destiny to move in.

When you let go, you must have faith.

Have faith in the process, trust that you are going to a place you are meant for, a place that might not make sense now but will make plenty of sense later. You will see that because this happened, that happened. And the order of it all, no matter how painful or beautiful, was exactly what it needed to be.

The opposite of letting go is holding on–also known as attachment. Many of us get love confused with attachment.

Yasmin Mogahed said, “Love without attachment is the purest love because it isn’t about what others can give you because you’re empty. It is about what you can give others because you’re already full.”

Love and fear cannot coexist.

When we are fully present, we cannot be attached to the future outcome or the past reality.

Full presence is true love.

Attachment has to do with thinking in the future and past. Love is in the here and now.

Attachment is having expectations. Love is gratitude for this moment together.

We attach to people because we fear that they are going to leave, that they will get sick and die one day, that we will be left alone.

We are attached to our job because we fear that if we lose it, we won’t be able to support ourselves and our family.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to have your family healthy and alive; there is nothing wrong in wanting to keep your job in order to support your family.

But the key is to accept that it can all come to an end at any time.

This is the difference between love and attachment.

Love your friends, love your family, love your job, your house, your life, but don’t get attached.

Love and let go simultaneously.

Cherish what you have in every moment.

Pain is temporary and suffering is optional. Suffering comes from the story that you make up about the pain.

This old zen parable retold in the children’s book Zen Shorts by Jon J. Muth speaks to the ways that we hold onto our attachments:

Two traveling monks reached a town where there was a young woman waiting to step out of her sedan chair. The rains had made deep puddles and she couldn’t step across without spoiling her silken robes. She stood there, looking very cross and impatient. She was scolding her attendants. They had nowhere to place the packages they held for her, so they couldn’t help her across the puddle.

The younger monk noticed the woman, said nothing, and walked by. The older monk quickly picked her up and put her on his back, transported her across the water, and put her down on the other side. She didn’t thank the older monk, she just shoved him out of the way and departed.

As they continued on their way, the young monk was brooding and preoccupied. After several hours, unable to hold his silence, he spoke out.

“That woman back there was very selfish and rude, but you picked her up on your back and carried her! Then she didn’t even thank you!

“I set the woman down hours ago,” the older monk replied. “Why are you still carrying her?”

What are you carrying that you could have laid down long ago?

When will you decide to let go and truly live in the moment?

Let go and let good things flow to you and through you.

As Buddha said, “In the end only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.”
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The School of Greatness Podcast

Lewis Howes on the School of Greatness

“When we are fully present, we cannot be attached to the future outcome or the past reality.”

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. I let go of all

    Those thoughts that try to hold me back,

    Those feelings that try to hold me back,

    Those fears that try to hold me back,

    Those memories that try to hold me back,

    Those patterns that try to hold me back,

    Those moments that try to hold me back,

  12. The Art of Letting go is something I work with each one of my clients. Been one of my greatest personal lessons that I’m continually learning! Thank you for sharing this message!

  17. We call then the uncontrollable in our house its a free pass to let go. My Man will go on about something. I will shout out uncontrollable. Its been our way to cope with military life .

  19. Pain is temporary and suffering is optional. Suffering comes from the story that you make up about the pain.

    THAT is good stuff Lewis Howes!

  20. Can you get any cuter? Im sorry–you have the whole inside and outside thing going on! I hope you help more and more people!

  21. Thank you, Lewis.  ”Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future.” –Daphne Rose Kingma

  22. I know this is a bit off topic but I was wondering if it is possible that you come through Fort Collins Whole Foods every now and then? There is this guy that I slice bread for that looks a lot like you or maybe it is you ?? I always forget to ask his name and I hate to seem like a weirdo so I just let it go, but its driving me nuts. we always have nice conversion about work and he is only in once in a great while. Thought I would ask I know its Silly.

  23. I have been really missing someone lately and struggling to let go – I needed to hear that podcast today, thank you

  24. Wonderful advice! Letting go is a very difficult task to undertake. This is just what I needed to hear at this particular time in my life. And, I am so excited to pick up your book tomorrow that I ordered!! 😀

  25. Beautifully profound, Lewis! Thank you! I really enjoy reading your articles. U0001f44dU0001f60a

  27. Your timing couldn’t be more perfect to share. Thank you for the reflection moment this Saturday am!

  33. I like the way you put this. It’s a lesson I’ve been forced to learn but not very well. The words and examples you chose helped me put things in focus. Thank you!

  35. Awesome episode you said some really relevant things here, your words are so current and helpful…

  37. This is going to be a little long, sorry, you don’t have to read it, but I felt the need to write it. Recently I had to move house very quickly. I let go of a lot of stuff. But I got stuck on one cupboard that was very dear to me. It had all of my preserving equipment in it. I use to grow fruit and vegetables and bottle them so the family (my kids were all below 5) had good food available all year. We didn’t have much money either. I love the actual bottles. Some of them were from the 40’s. I had collected quite a few. But they sat empty in the cupboard as times had changed. My husband had passed away and I had moved house twice and had to go back to work to support my children so I didn’t have time or the need to do it anymore. But I loved it. I loved those bottles and my preserver. So I couldn’t decide what to do so I asked my youngest son (now 15 – an Aires and the straightest shooter I know) what to do. He said “Mum they’re bottles. You don’t need them.” I said “I know but I want them.” He said ” I know you want to do this stuff again, but are you GOING to.” Nope. Ouch. They were gone. But 3 days later the decision was weighing on me so I went back to see if I could get them and left it to the universe – if they were there I could have them – if they were gone – that was that – they were gone. I cried. Over bottles. Yep pretty lame. Then I read your post. Timely. I realised that we do hold on to the most ridiculous as well as profound and life altering events and the emotions surrounding them. It’s not always as simple as saying Let it Go. There is mourning and grieving – yes even for stupid bottles which I loved because they helped to keep us fed in very lean times – but those times are gone, so is my husband who was part of it, and it’s OK to mourn for all the stupid parts of the process, and then let them go but don’t be too hard on yourself if you can’t do it the first time.

  48. Thanks for the reminder and for sharing this Lewis Howes

  49. Lewis Howes! Thank you for this beautiful message :).

    Easy to say, but difficult to implement especially when you’re challenged repeatedly. Oprah once said when you’ve learned a lesson, the universe tests you. If you pass, you move on. If not, you keep learning that lesson.

    Truly moved. Inspired. Lightened. And grateful for people like you. Keep up the good work! Looking forward to reading your book.

  50. Thank you Lewis Howes for sharing your thoughts (and others – that was alot of quotes in 5 mintes ha!) I read this book in 2013 and this podcast reminded me of it again thought I’d share… the book is called Siddartha: the Prince who became Buddha. By Herman Hesse. The background pic I took when I walked down to Owhiro Bay, in Wellington N.Z. Enjoy 🙂

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  52. Love is the Key of life!!! After 3 months of Broken marriage, my husband left me with two kids . I felt like my life was about to end i almost kill my self, i was emotionally down for a very long time. Thanks to a spell caster called Dr Ukaka which i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet, Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce, so i give him a try and my husband was back to me after the spell so email him [email protected] ebsite freedomlovespelltemple.yolasite.com

  53. Boom! So much wisdom in 5 minutes! Love it!

    The story of the monks really just blew my mind!!

    Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us, highly appreciate it!

  54. Thank you! I was working out while listening to this episode, and things I was not letting go just poped-up in my head… I felt like I’m carrying 15 women… I choose to let them go 

  59. I let go of all
    Those thoughts that try to hold me back,
    Those feelings that try to hold me back,
    Those fears that try to hold me back,
    Those memories that try to hold me back,
    Those patterns that try to hold me back,
    Those moments that try to hold me back,

  67. The Art of Letting go is something I work with each one of my clients. Been one of my greatest personal lessons that I’m continually learning! Thank you for sharing this message!

  73. We call then the uncontrollable in our house its a free pass to let go. My Man will go on about something. I will shout out uncontrollable. Its been our way to cope with military life .

  75. Pain is temporary and suffering is optional. Suffering comes from the story that you make up about the pain.
    THAT is good stuff Lewis Howes!

  76. Can you get any cuter? Im sorry–you have the whole inside and outside thing going on! I hope you help more and more people!

  77. Thank you, Lewis.  “Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future.” –Daphne Rose Kingma

  78. I know this is a bit off topic but I was wondering if it is possible that you come through Fort Collins Whole Foods every now and then? There is this guy that I slice bread for that looks a lot like you or maybe it is you ?? I always forget to ask his name and I hate to seem like a weirdo so I just let it go, but its driving me nuts. we always have nice conversion about work and he is only in once in a great while. Thought I would ask I know its Silly.

  79. I have been really missing someone lately and struggling to let go – I needed to hear that podcast today, thank you

  80. Wonderful advice! Letting go is a very difficult task to undertake. This is just what I needed to hear at this particular time in my life. And, I am so excited to pick up your book tomorrow that I ordered!! 😀

  81. Beautifully profound, Lewis! Thank you! I really enjoy reading your articles. U0001f44dU0001f60a

  83. Your timing couldn’t be more perfect to share. Thank you for the reflection moment this Saturday am!

  89. I like the way you put this. It’s a lesson I’ve been forced to learn but not very well. The words and examples you chose helped me put things in focus. Thank you!

  91. Awesome episode you said some really relevant things here, your words are so current and helpful…

  93. This is going to be a little long, sorry, you don’t have to read it, but I felt the need to write it. Recently I had to move house very quickly. I let go of a lot of stuff. But I got stuck on one cupboard that was very dear to me. It had all of my preserving equipment in it. I use to grow fruit and vegetables and bottle them so the family (my kids were all below 5) had good food available all year. We didn’t have much money either. I love the actual bottles. Some of them were from the 40’s. I had collected quite a few. But they sat empty in the cupboard as times had changed. My husband had passed away and I had moved house twice and had to go back to work to support my children so I didn’t have time or the need to do it anymore. But I loved it. I loved those bottles and my preserver. So I couldn’t decide what to do so I asked my youngest son (now 15 – an Aires and the straightest shooter I know) what to do. He said “Mum they’re bottles. You don’t need them.” I said “I know but I want them.” He said ” I know you want to do this stuff again, but are you GOING to.” Nope. Ouch. They were gone. But 3 days later the decision was weighing on me so I went back to see if I could get them and left it to the universe – if they were there I could have them – if they were gone – that was that – they were gone. I cried. Over bottles. Yep pretty lame. Then I read your post. Timely. I realised that we do hold on to the most ridiculous as well as profound and life altering events and the emotions surrounding them. It’s not always as simple as saying Let it Go. There is mourning and grieving – yes even for stupid bottles which I loved because they helped to keep us fed in very lean times – but those times are gone, so is my husband who was part of it, and it’s OK to mourn for all the stupid parts of the process, and then let them go but don’t be too hard on yourself if you can’t do it the first time.

  104. Lewis Howes! Thank you for this beautiful message :).
    Easy to say, but difficult to implement especially when you’re challenged repeatedly. Oprah once said when you’ve learned a lesson, the universe tests you. If you pass, you move on. If not, you keep learning that lesson.
    Truly moved. Inspired. Lightened. And grateful for people like you. Keep up the good work! Looking forward to reading your book.

  106. Thank you Lewis Howes for sharing your thoughts (and others – that was alot of quotes in 5 mintes ha!) I read this book in 2013 and this podcast reminded me of it again thought I’d share… the book is called Siddartha: the Prince who became Buddha. By Herman Hesse. The background pic I took when I walked down to Owhiro Bay, in Wellington N.Z. Enjoy 🙂

  107. Boom! So much wisdom in 5 minutes! Love it!
    The story of the monks really just blew my mind!!
    Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us, highly appreciate it!

  108. Thank you! I was working out while listening to this episode, and things I was not letting go just poped-up in my head… I felt like I’m carrying 15 women… I choose to let them go

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