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Lewis Howes

5 Keys to Find and Create the Perfect Relationship

What does a perfect relationship look like?

We all want that perfect relationship — you know, the one we see in movies, TV shows, and daydreams. The kind of relationship where everything is always happy, you and your partner are always in sync, and there’s never any tension.

But in real life, we know that relationships like this don’t exist. In real life, relationships are messy. There’s conflict, doubt, and miscommunication. People who were in love break up, while other people stay trapped in toxic relationships.

There might not be such a thing as a “perfect” relationship, but there is such a thing as a healthy one (which is as perfect as you can get!). The question is, what does a healthy relationship look like, and more importantly, how do we find one?

On The School of Greatness, I’ve had the pleasure of talking to relationship experts, coaches, and counselors about this very question — and each of them has had incredible advice to share. So for this special episode, I’m bringing back five of my favorite interviews on relationships!

“Love expands when our capacity to accept each other expands.” - DeVon Franklin  

For this mashup episode, I’ve got some of my favorite guests lined up to share their wisdom about creating healthy relationships! Here’s who you’ll hear from!

#1: Pastor Michael Todd

Michael Todd is the lead pastor of Transformation Church in Tulsa, Oklahoma. His driving passion is representing God to the lost and found for transformation in Christ. Todd speaks at a variety of influential churches, events, and conferences each year. Michae,, who has over 53 million total views on his YouTube channels, pastors 5,000 people in physical attendance and now — due to the coronavirus — teaches strictly online to 50,000 unique devices and an estimated 115,000 viewers each week with an additional 150,000 views throughout the week. His “Relationship Goals” sermon series has been viewed more than 15 million times. 

#2: DeVon Franklin

DEVON FRANKLIN is a media multi-hyphenate. As an award-winning producer, New York Times bestselling author and renowned motivational speaker he has made a commitment to inspire people around the world through entertainment. DeVon is a force in the media and has become a leading authority on inspiration, spiritual wellness and personal development. He is the producer of multiple hit films and the author of The Truth About Men, The Success Commandments, The Wait (co-authored with his wife Meagan Good), and Produced by Faith.

#3: Esther Perel

Psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Her celebrated TED talks have garnered more than 20 million views, and she travels the world to speak about love, sex, intimacy, and infidelity. She is the host of the popular podcast Where Should We Begin? in which she conducts therapy sessions with real couples.

#4: Lori Gottlieb

Lori Gottlieb is a psychotherapist and author of the New York Times bestseller Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, which is being adapted as a television series for ABC. In addition to her clinical practice, she writes The Atlantic’s weekly “Dear Therapist” advice column and contributes regularly to The New York Times and many other publications. Her recent TED Talk is one of the top 10 most-watched of the year. A member of the Advisory Council for Bring Change to Mind, she is a sought-after expert in media such as The Today Show, Good Morning America, The CBS This Morning, CNN, and NPR’s “Fresh Air.” She is also the co-host of the new iHeart Radio podcast Dear Therapists, produced by Katie Couric.

#5: Matthew Hussey

Matthew Hussey is a speaker, New York Times bestselling author, columnist for Cosmopolitan Magazine, and dating expert on ABC’s digital series What To Text Him Back.  His corporate clients include Hugo Boss, The Perfume Shop, Virgin Gyms, Procter & Gamble, Bare Escentuals, U.S. legal giant Weil Gotshal & Manges, and global management consultants Accenture. 50,000 women have attended his live events, and he has reached over 10 million online.

These five people have taught me so much about what it means to have a healthy relationship with your partner! You don’t want to miss this, so join me on Episode 1,122 to learn the 5 keys to find and create the perfect relationship!

“Nobody’s perfect in a relationship, right? So you have to have five positive interactions for every negative interaction that you have.” – Lori Gottlieb  

Some Questions I Ask:

  • How do you alleviate pain when you think the problem is with your partner but it’s with yourself?
  • Do our past traumas amplify situations that are going on currently?
  • How do we have wise compassion in our relationships?
  • What’s an assessment we can do for ourselves to see whether people in our lives are good or bad for us?
  • What is the biggest lesson to learn from being in a committed relationship/marriage?
  • Is love enough?
  • How important is it communicating expectations?
  • Why are relationships seemingly the hardest thing for most people?
  • How often should we be doing intimate things with our partner?
  • How does someone learn to believe in their worthiness?
  • How does someone get to a place of sharing, opening up, revealing, so that they can get to a place where they can heal from traumas from the past? 
  • What’s the first step you can take to find your partner?

In this episode, you will learn:

  • Why relationships are changing now more than ever.
  • How we’ve been sold a myth about marriage.
  • How to rewrite the stories that are holding you back from accepting love.
  • How to build the foundation for a strong relationship.
  • The biggest factors that help you become a more desirable partner.
  • Plus much more…

Show Notes:

Transcript of this Episode

Music Credits:

Music Credit:

Kaibu by Killercats

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