Brian McGill said, “There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.” And Wayne Dyer said, “How people treat you is their karma. How you react is yours.”
This is going to be a massive two-part series with my friend Stephan Speaks, a certified relationship coach, speaker, and author. He helps both men and women overcome the challenges that hinder their relationships, empowers millions to take charge of the difficult situation standing in their way of the life and love they seek and make impactful changes on a daily basis.
Stephan’s written a book called Love After Heartbreak: Volume I which is all about helping you self-heal find inner peace and true happiness. I’m so excited to have him back on the show! Our conversation was so powerful that we had to split it up into two parts, so make sure to check out part two after this.
In this episode, we discuss how social media is affecting our relationships, the biggest problems men and women face when cultivating healthy relationships, how to determine whether we’re really connecting with a new partner or it’s a fake connection, why arguing is not healthy, and how we can learn to communicate better.
Who Is Stephan Speaks?
Stephan Speaks — also known by his given name, Stephan Labossiere — is a certified relationship coach, speaker, and author. From understanding the opposite sex to navigating the paths and avoiding the pitfalls of relationships and self-growth, Stephan’s relationship advice and insight help countless individuals achieve an authentically amazing life.
Dedicated to helping and devoted to keeping it real, Stephan’s straightforward yet compassionate delivery style attracts a varied clientele, including notable celebrities, civic and social organizations, academic institutions, singles, and couples alike, who can and are ready to handle the truth!
Stephan has been seen, heard, and chronicled in national and international media outlets, including the Tom Joyner Morning Show, The Examiner, ABC, and Huffington Post Live, to name a few. To coin a phrase by an individual who attended one of his speaking engagements, “He’s definitely the relationship guy — all relationships, all the time.” With an international following of singles and couples alike, the name Stephan Labossiere is synonymous with breaking down relationship barriers, pushing past common facades, and exposing the truth. It is this understanding of REAL relationships that he brings to everyone he encounters.
He’s got some great books out there, and after listening to this podcast episode with Stephan Labossiere, you’re going to want to hear more of his stuff. His most recent publications are Find Love After Heartbreak, He Who Finds a Wife, and The Man God Has for You, and they all teach you about how to create healthy relationships with the right people.
He also has a new coaching program: “How to Manifest the Life & Man God Has for You.” Ladies, I’m speaking to you here — if you are looking for the right man, you definitely want to check out Stephan’s coaching program! He’s a relationship genius and genuinely kind guy, and I know his advice will help you manifest the relationship you’ve been dreaming of.
Let’s jump right into part one!
Why Is it So Hard to Find Love?
No matter a person’s level of success in life, I feel one of the biggest questions a lot of people have right now is, “Why do people have such a hard time these days finding love?” Never mind these unprecedented times during the pandemic, there’s also social media, millions of options — it’s hard to know where to start and put our focus on dealing with these different challenges.
“I want to start with social media. I used to be someone that said, ‘social media is not the problem. It’s people, social media simply exposes the issue.’ [While] I still believe that I have come to a place of seeing how evil social media can be, how much damage it can cause, but not just simply the negativity it pours into people’s relationships — but the expectations that it sets in different ways, like men forgetting what an average woman looks like because they’re looking at [Instagram] models all day. Women are forgetting that not every guy has a million dollars that can shower you with a ridiculous amount of gifts.” – Stephan Speaks
While not everyone is falling for the illusion of luxurious lives online, a lot of people are, and it’s impacting people’s ability to appreciate relationships. We have such different levels of how we engage with each other compared to what it used to be.
Not only is life so different now, but the complexities and traumas that we all bring to the table are compounded by these illusions. It’s important to realize that it’s not just about finding a partner — it’s about finding someone we’re compatible with.
What if Your Partner Won’t Join You on the Path to Healing?
Just because we enter into a committed relationship, doesn’t necessarily mean everything will flow easily. Even if both partners entered into the marriage and the relationship not completely healed, that changes the instant one decides to begin their journey to healing.
Perhaps one partner on their healing journey finds relief, maybe even peace in their heart, and they’re not triggered any longer — but what if the other partner continues in their own traumatic past experiences and is not willing to heal? I asked Stephan how he would work with this couple.
“I hate to say this, but I have to be honest, I can never encourage someone to remain in a toxic situation. I do think we can take an approach that says, ‘Let’s see if we can work this out.’ Let’s give them a little bit of grace here. The main thing is, can we achieve progress? Rome wasn’t built in a day, and if we’ve been behaving or tolerating this dysfunction for so many years, we can’t expect it to be perfect tomorrow. Are you willing to at least start to walk on that path and make progress? I don’t want to encourage divorce, [but] I cannot feel comfortable telling people to stay trapped in a marriage with someone who doesn’t want to face their issues. If you have freed yourself from that, you have healed.” – Stephan Speaks
They’ve got to be willing to make a move — this is so powerful and true. It’s not about expecting somebody to change overnight — it’s about communicating what you need and giving them the space to recognize the changes you have made and decide to make changes towards facing their own issues and healing too.
“It’s painful to let those emotions you’ve suppressed all these years come back out, and now your fear of healing or facing the process of healing is greater than your fear of losing this person. They think because you’re married to them, you’re not going anywhere. That’s not enough incentive to face their fear of facing their issues. The only thing that may get them to do it — is the threat of divorce. The reality is some people won’t get it together until there’s a real consequence on the table.” – Stephan Speaks
Stephan is always doing his best to coach people to avoid that consequence, but the sad truth is that we cannot control anybody, and no matter how much we talk, sometimes only hitting rock bottom is what can break the cycle of fear.
I often wonder if people confuse chemistry early in the relationship for compatibility or if the connection simply fades away. Stephan takes some time to explain the importance and differences between each one for us.
