Barbara Corcoran

Lewis: This is episode 766 with the shark Barbara Corcoran. Welcome to the school of greatness my name is Lewis Howes a former pro athlete turn lifestyle entrepreneur and each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today now let the class begin.

Henry Winkler said “Assumptions are the termites of relationships.” And Bill Gates said “Find to celebrate success but it’s more important to heed the lessons of failure.”

Welcome to this episode we’ve got Barbara Corcoran in the house, love connecting with her. She is a wealth of information and such a generous giving heart and for those who don’t know who she is, she’s a very successful businesswoman investor, speaker, consultant, and TV personality. She began her career in the 1970’s with real estate New York City and really took the city by storm, then became a personality known as shark investors on ABC’s hit show ‘Shark Tank.’ She also has a new podcast out that I’m loving called ‘Business Unusual.’ And I want to get her off her normal talking points. So in the beginning of this interview it gets a little interesting, it gets a little uncomfortable for her because I asked her questions about relationships. So, we discussed personal relationships and how it can affect you in your business with the type of partner that you have. Can the partner you have help support you or hurt you in business? The power of reshaping the way you think about mistakes. How regret can quietly take down your confidence and in my opinion confidence is one of the key determining factors of you being successful.

Also what are the best qualities are for a successful entrepreneur and salesman. What she looks for top 2 or 3 qualities to find an incredible salesperson. She also shares who she thinks is the best salesman that she’s ever seen and she is not proud to talk about it actually, but this is a fascinating story about the best salesman she’s ever seen.

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I’m so excited about this one so let’s dive into this all about how to master sales, success in life, love, relationships, and everything else with Barbara Corcoran.

Welcome back to the school of greatness podcast we’ve got Barbara Corcoran in the house. So good to see you.

 

Barbara: Good to see you.

 

Lewis: We’ve met about 5 seconds 3 or 4 years ago. I was on the today show in the green room and you were in the green room as well and I just came off and said hello and you said you flirted with me then life you flirt with me now. But every time I interacted with you and every time I’ve seen you online your content you always bring your positivity and you just say what it is. You’ve been telling me how it is before the interview about relationships which I appreciate and you always are very kind and generous. So I just want to acknowledge you for that before we start.

 

Barbara: Thank you but you’re not married to me.

 

Lewis: Dark side huh?

 

Barbara: Well not dark side, my positiveness isn’t 24/7 I can tell you.

Lewis: What’s the angriest you’ve been in your life?

 

Barbara: The angriest I ever was was being angry with my husband Bill, because he was inconsiderate and I can’t remember what was bugging me but it was on Christmas Eve and I punched him.

 

Lewis: In the face?

 

Barbara: In the chest he’s a big guy. But then he left and drove away and I thought he was driving away from my life and I panicked and he came back 2 hours later totally dress as a goalie, as a hockey goalie with mask, pants and he walked in and I thought he was gone. And I don’t even remember what I was angry with but I love him twice as much for the moment.

 

Lewis: You don’t remember what the argument was or relevant?

 

Barbara: It was something inconsiderate about my sister who drives anybody crazy but I thought he should be a little more tolerant. So instead I became intolerant mean spirited woman and took it out on him.

 

Lewis: When a woman gets mad at their partner how should a man respond in the situation? Should they leave and come back with pads on?

 

Barbara: Well it depends if you’re a smart man or not. If you’re a smart guy what a woman really wants to hear is that she’s right. So the quicker you can accept the fact that she’s right whether you feel in your heart the happy the woman is going to be and then if you can move right on to what attracted you in the first place and what you love about it and deliver it in a most sincere way, then you’re ahead of the game.

 

Lewis: Do you think that would typically work?

 

Barbara: Let me tell you as any happily married man who’s been married for years, how he stays happy and almost 2 out of 3 will tell you “I tell my wife she’s always right.” And that’s the secret to a happy marriage. Well that sounds old-fashioned but that’s my practical observation as well.

Lewis: I think I heard that before where men say you know ‘I’d rather be happy than right.’

 

Barbara: Yeah, but woman want to be adored. They really want to be cherished for the specialness they have and it’s the same with of course man. But you can lose sight in that very quickly when you’re in someone’s life for a long time.

People get in game of course when there’s a marital threat, outside threat is not so bad for marriage.

 

Lewis: So, you’ve been married for 30 years?

 

Barbara: Feels like 500.

 

Lewis: Does it get better or different or how is it evolved?

 

Barbara: It gets better and worse, I think marriage quite honestly and I don’t know why you’re asking me I’ve been married twice so it’s not like I’m an expert here.

 

Lewis: Well you’ve got multiple experiences that means you’ve learned from different experiences. And I think as a successful female entrepreneur business owner who’s invested in multiple companies and very driven to achieve just achieved so much, I think it’s even more challenging to be married for as long as you have.

 

Barbara: Well here’s the good news and I’ll give you the bad news. The good news I think or speaking from my own experience for all I know I think become more tolerant and kinder and have a softer eye as I get older and stay with my husband Bill for all these years, like I could have more empathy much more easily, whereas only 15 years ago I’m very intolerant. Now, I see it’s his personality and I might as well just roll over and be comfortable with it because where am I going to get? I’m not gonna get anywhere and change him at this point and he’s not gonna change me. The bad news is you start to assume you know what to expect and never expect anything different or better or unusual or exciting. But I think the key then in our marriage is also not to think you’re not gonna change each other and find your joy or your excitement or whatever it is you’re thinking you don’t find in one individual and find it outside the marriage, and that keeps the marriage stronger because you have other windows you are opening up on any relationships. And I’m not talking about having an affair.

Lewis: Right business relationships, personal friendships.

 

Barbara: You know it’s like a crayon box you can’t get all the colors from 1 color.

 

Lewis: I think it’s hard to say that you’re gonna get everything from one person your whole life.

 

Barbara: Yeah, you believe it when you’re like a dog in heat.

 

Lewis: How do you keep your marriages fun when it gets boring or dry or whatever and I’m hearing you say you’ve got [?] in other ways.

 

Barbara: Not very exciting new, but can we talk about the stuff I’m really good at? I mean marriage is not my forte.

 

Lewis: That’s why I love asking those questions.

 

Barbara: It’s a challenge every day.

 

Lewis: Now I’m curious from a perspective when people are getting into a relationship, into a marriage or just an intimate relationship not married and one person is a driven entrepreneur. They’re focus on their mission, impact and business. Do you feel like there’s ever challenges in that relationships that can be foreseen and talk about is too challenging?

 

Barbara: You mentioned before we started cousins lobsters. They did 2 partners in a few years apart, grew up together.

 

Lewis: Great product.

 

Barbara: I bring them up because before they went down the road to a partnership they both went and got psychologically tested as to what was important to them, what was a turn off. A full battery psychological test like before and then they openly discussed it. And they divided the test based on their personality traits and they are very happy partners. It’s a great example how to do it right, do most people do that? No. But some people intuitively choose people very smartly as to who should be their partner in business or in life, and I have found the most successful ones on both ones have been when you choose the opposites.

 

Lewis: Interesting. Have you ever seen a really successful entrepreneur failed because of an intimate partnership?

 

Barbara: Happens all the time. Well, you’re kind of billing the emotional partner as the bad guy which is not usually the case from what I’ve seen and I’ve seen a mutual [?] and goes like this. Somebody starts a business who is really committed to the success of themselves, very often it’s the guy because he wants to be the bread winner. So the guy goes out and he’s got a wonderful spouse I’ll say in this instance, so whoever in his life but it goes array. I think a lot of it goes array because it takes 150% effort to succeed in life in the work place, if you’re gonna be hugely successful you’re gonna pour your heart and soul and hour into and you better have a spouse who signed up for it. So, there’s never an honest conversation because very often the warrior doesn’t know how successful or how hard. So you’re not asking your spouse to sign up for it and yet most of those relationships go array, why? Because what the spouse wants is who they marry. It’s a hard balancing act if you’re serious about business and I can tell you for myself it has played a havoc on my relationships. My first partner was very supportive but I knew he was fine, it was like a park car I didn’t give him any attention, whereas my business took 150% of my time.

Lewis: Man that’s fascinating because I think sometimes, I’ll speak for myself.

 

Barbara: I knew you were gonna confess.

 

Lewis: I feel like sometimes myself and other men that I know who driven entrepreneurs that want to build businesses and make a big impact, myself in the past and other male friends that I have built this female relationships with intimate partners and so committed on their vision and mission and feel bad, they’re made wrong or they feel guilty that they don’t have as much time to give a relationship or they’re giving too much time to the business, but that’s their mission they feel called to.

What is the conversation that the driven person for business in a relationship should have with the partner before they really take it to another level?

 

Barbara: Well let me tell you an ideal objective is to get the partner in the same page with you, sometimes it doesn’t work. Whatever you’re aspiring to may have not been in the first place and certainly not now what she’s aspiring to. But I think the most important goal there is to get rid of the guilt. Guilt is a terrible thing and I’ll tell you what it will also do, it will drive the relationship apart more than lack of communication, if you’re chasing your rainbow and going on a 150% and you’re feeling like guilty you’re not giving enough to the relationship but that’s really where your heart is, you want to do that right now this is a 10 years you want to mostly focus on at you owe the honesty because the guilt really wrote it at center anyway if she’s not willing to play. So I think shooting between the eyes is the best way to go because it’d be directly 1 on 1 or whether you get someone to help facilitate that. Listen I like to take, I’d like to size up our relationship, I’d really like us to be honest on what we’re looking for in the next 5 years we’ve been together.

 

Lewis: When did you learn to communicate like so directly? Have you always been that way?

 

Barbara: It’s always been that way, I mean I can’t stand any indirect communication, even with the people that I worked with if they start going like “Well, you know I was thinking that bla bla.” Listen tell me where you land and tell me how you got there, and guess what when they told me where they land I never stay tuned for how they got there. It saves a lot of time and also gives a permission for the other person to be direct. People see through me blow me a lot dancing around the bushes try that for long term relationship.

 

Lewis: Where you always this direct or did it come overtime?

 

Barbara: I think I’ve got more direct as I got older because you become more yourself, but remember I am one of 10 kids with only 2 parents and if you want to get attention you had to say what you want and say it fast or you’ll lose the attention of your parents.

 

Lewis: Who was more influential for you of the 2 parents?

 

Barbara: In different ways I would say overall clearly my mother made me because I’m a female but my mother in my mind was rocking amazing, because she raised 10 kids with hardly any money to feed us and did a phenomenal job and was so positive in every way. And she was a workaholic, she worked harder with 10 kids through the night everything that I could ever work in my building with my business. But what my dad did for me though had a profound effect on not only myself but my 9 siblings or 8 out of 9 is he hated working for someone his whole life, he worked 2 jobs to support us and it was printing press foreman in the day and wash trucks at night. But what my father taught because he would constantly get fired for insubordination and when he would come home we’d all run around the table, and he would say “Guess what kids?” But what was beautiful about my father was he taught us and quietly in his own way not to work for someone and all of us are self-employed doing very well, except for my sister who’s a hospital nurse but she’s a self-employed because she goes to people’s home. But we all have businesses that we all done well in and I credit my mother with her people’s skills teaching us and being such a positive human being. So combined we had a very lucky mix and as you know card is such a big card in life.

 

Lewis: What’s the biggest lesson you learned from being one of the 10 kids.

 

Barbara: I think you learned to be a member of a team and that’s a head start when you go out in life to think that there’s a lot of opinions and you kind of have to make it all gel and work. And so I think I can really build a great team, I think that’s my true gift in any situation and I think I could not have learn it I probably may have learn it later but certainly came out of a household at 18 knowing what a team was all about.

 

Lewis: Yeah because your whole family had to be that way. Did you play sports too or not?

 

Barbara: I did not but you know in my high school they did not have girl sports, but I worked every day after school and that’s a sport and to this day I think business is a really good sport. But if I had been a sportswoman I would have been great because I’m a damn good skier and that’s the only sport I’ve been. But my younger sisters and brothers were a few years down were great athletes in high school. So yeah I wish I had you know I think I would’ve liked it.

 

Lewis: Look like you still play sports now you look fit, the sports of business. Do you ski in the east coast?

 

Barbara: I ski in Utah because we have a little place there. I don’t go right in park city I go in dear valley because I don’t like snowboarders.

Lewis: I used to be kind of crazy growing up I was doing snowboarding, I just don’t want to get hurt now just like going slow and chill down.

 

Barbara: That’s called middle age you start to think about it instead of just doing it.

 

Lewis: I got so many broken bones in my body from playing football and other sports that’s just like, the pain is not worth it anymore, just the recovery process when I was a kid doesn’t matter.

 

Barbara: Also you can have a lot of fun with not going with speed record or something.

 

Lewis: Like jump off a cliff, I remember when I was a kid one time like this is when I didn’t wear a helmet because I think it was cool. I hit my head so hard then I slid down I was in the Canadian Rockies, I slid down and I probably lay there 6 or 7 minutes while people just and I thought I had a concussion or something because I thought ‘I will never go snowboarding without wearing a helmet again.’ I learned the hard way.

 

Barbara: You are lucky.

 

Lewis: Lucky I didn’t crack my head open and just had like a minor concussion or something.

 

Barbara: And if you’re young enough a minor concussion is no big deal, lucky for you.

 

Lewis: When I played football I probably had many minor concussions. And I used to only hit with my head, I would tackle with my head as hard as I could full speed. I’m lucky I got injured after my first year playing professional because I don’t know if I’d even have a brain anymore if I played longer.

 

Barbara: I think when you get married you should give that lovely future wife which I have a gut feeling is gonna be soon, give her an out in the check that if you start acting strange with those head injuries that she can walk away and get herself a younger guy.

 

Lewis: It’s been 10 years since football so I’m fine now. When do you feel the most love?

 

Barbara: If you exclude children, when children say they love you and mean it or they got my back, however at their age find a way to make you feel loved that’s the best love of all. But if you want to move that out of the way which is true of anybody a parent I think, I think the second best is when I see a happy team at work and maybe I shouldn’t be putting much on that but when I see a happy team all clicking like a clock and really helping each other and mostly thinking they can do whatever they want and be whoever they can go to sky and back again, it makes me feel so happy. I guess that’s parenting too it makes you feel empower these kids to be wonderful, they are not all kids it makes you feel full of happiness and love.

 

Lewis: Building teams and seeing them thrive?

 

Barbara: Yes and to see the individuals feel like they discover themselves things they didn’t know they can do. So it’s kind of as close as it gets playing like a miracle worker, whether it’d be with people in the office or very small team today. Whenever I feel like I can make a difference and I see them reaching higher and really believing you know because I could sell anybody on themselves. But it’s based on something I really seen, when I see them starting to take off I get tremendous satisfaction. And you said that wasn’t really your question I guess how do you feel love. But I do feel loved in those circumstances which probably have nothing to do with love but I feel loving in love.

 

Lewis: What is the greatest mistake that you’ve made that you’re so grateful for that you made because it made you a better person?

 

Barbara: Well, I don’t think I’m the type of person that is brave enough to admit that I made a mistake honestly, because I think things have not worked out along the way where are things just didn’t hope or dream to be. But I don’t see them as a mistake because as quick as you are thinking you start to see the light of the door opening that couldn’t have open out it. So, I don’t have like a regret that this was a big mistake that was a big mistake. But I have to also say I have my whole life been very [?] of doing anything and exposing myself to anything even when I didn’t want to do I, because I am deathly afraid of feeling like I would regret, like what if I don’t do it? That’s more of a motivation than doing. Just like when I look back, like for example with dancing with the stars I didn’t want to do it the last thing I would do was.

 

Lewis: You were great.

 

Barbara: You think I was great but not the judges. I was the number 1 person in dancing with the stars last season, number 1 rejected. Now, there’s a record but so you might say that was a mistake with all the work that led up to but that was social embarrassment, I thought I would be rejected number 3 or 5 or 6 but number 1 I never saw it coming. And so I was kind of a little mortified with that one but you know what I’m still thankful I did that the minute I recovered the next morning.

 

Lewis: What did you learn with that experience about yourself?

 

Barbara: I learned that I’m not a good dancer, I swear when I look at the tapes now 1 year later is when I thought the same tapes when I look at a year ago I thought I really got this. So what I learned from that is that I can dance well but inside my body I feel like I’m good dancer and I’m going on any dance floor and make up steps and people really smile as I’m doing because I don’t really give a crap and I look like it. I learned the same lesson I learn again and again which is thank God I did it and the injury of ‘Oh God you did so poorly’ dissipates quickly but there’s an echo that’s not trying that’s gonna sting you.

 

Lewis: I think that it will sting you too that fear of regret of like ‘I had the opportunity to do this with dance with the stars and I didn’t do it.’ How many years?

 

Barbara: Maybe a year but still a bad year of regret and why I’ve been able to build up my personality and whatever I can get out and give to life as best as I could. What regret does it quietly takes down your confidence a notch, because in short you’re a coward you shy away. Once you shy away you quietly without even consciously think about less of yourself. Now, I say that with experience because I’ve watched many people stronger or people where life makes weaker. But I really believe that regret piece is not given enough due, you really have to try everything and try your best because even, and listen 2 out of 3 things don’t work out but people just remember the success. But still I got confidence out of failing and a little notch up. Then you conduct yourself with more power in life because you feel better about yourself and ironically more to give, you’re a better package to give more because you’ve put a lot into that basket by just try and try.

 

Lewis: Do you feel like you’re more confident even though you are the first one out in dancing with the stars?

 

Barbara: Absolutely. I got a lot of confidence out of that because every female friend, a male friend that I had that was even closer to my age. So even my friends that kind of took me for granted better of me I went up a notch in their head.

 

Lewis: It takes a lot of courage to do that.

 

Barbara: It takes a lot of courage to publicly fail but I happen to be very good at public failure because I’ve done it my whole life and that doesn’t bother me. I think what I did not want to happen was that I look foolish or old dancing with 24 year old rip stud, until I realize it feels good to lean in on that.

 

Lewis: Why are you not afraid to fail publicly?

 

Barbara: Because what I learned nobody is really watching or gives a shit, because the truth is that people most of all are thinking about themselves. So just when you think the limelight is on you and everybody is going to say “She is so stupid.” The minute they give you that one moment of attention they back on to their own problems or their own selves. So it’s like overstatement of your ego to think that you’re really that important. You know you can just move right on, you can distract people and try the next thing if you’re lucky, so no it doesn’t really amount to anything.

 

Lewis: That’s interesting because you say that most people are focus on themselves so when you mess up publicly or you fail publicly they’ll think about it for a moment but they’re on the wrong thing.

 

Barbara: If you’re lucky they notice.

 

Lewis: What about when you want people to do have the attention on you for the things you’re doing good, how do you keep the attention on you the relevancy of yourself as an entrepreneur, individual when people are focus so much. How do you keep thinking about you, your brand, your business?

 

Barbara: You have to think of a way to grandstand.

Lewis: What do you mean by that?

 

Barbara: Good old fashion grandstand, like I built my group brand on the backs of New York Times and wall street journal. I would think of all kinds of crap to get me the attention as long as my brand name was in there. The single best thing I thought of which was really an attempt to get publicity when I couldn’t afford advertising because it was a bad market was my [?] report, and all that was 1 page report giving the average sale price of apartments in Manhattan. I was too stupid to know that that was a wrong label, it was just my 11 sale but it was on the front page and I was quoted on the first line and boy that was an eye opener, that’s how I learned publicity can build a brand. Today’s version of publicity that I look for in all the entrepreneurs I invest in is how good you are in your social media. I don’t care if you’re in the sock business, if you’re in the hardware or what’s going on. How good are you at building attention through social media because that’s the new free ride, not really free just like the New York Times free ride.

So, you have to be creative I think in thinking of how you can grand stand. Like Grace and lengths which start out as a baby sock company, phenomenal entrepreneurs I had. Now it’s a full fashion line and I think 70 million dollars in sales this year. But what are they particularly good at is there is a husband and wife team, Melissa the wife of the team has gorgeous long legs, her husband is more of a nut and balls guy but great at business. What she does is she constantly models and talks directly and she has so many people that love her, she knows how to print herself, look sexy, talk to the ladies and get sales.

 

Lewis: So she uses her assets or skills?

Barbara: Assets she’s on social media that’s build their entire business on social media. And did I answer your question? Because I feel like I somehow got lost in my mind.

 

Lewis: How do you stay relevant when things are going good?

 

Barbara: I’ll give you another example I have this company I had just bought in this past season; I was out of my mind to buy into them. It was two guys with a product comfy, it was a sweat shirt blanket. Why I say it was crazy to buy into it and none of the sharks they were not to. It’s because of 2 loudmouth guys having a good time, pitching me a product and they had no inventory they had hand made their product and none of the answers, but they’re a great salesman. I took some 15 to 40% and what they have done is they have done in their 1^st year a million dollars in sale, they found a way to produce and sell it. But a couple of weeks ago it was very quiet they have had social media coverage to the moon and back but it was very quiet and they hand delivered, and I wish I could remember the famous actress name sexy. Whoever she was I think she was the same actress who close the Oscars the other night.

 

Lewis: I didn’t watch. I watch the highlight video; I saw your little party on Instagram.

 

Barbara: They send hand delivered to her front door and she put on video jumping her head in it, social media campaigns people doing the jumps. That’s smart business they made it happen and then they are gonna ride it again and it’s gonna be all over social media, they’re annoyed with me that I’m here but I don’t have their product, but unless they want me jumping in the beds, I’m gonna put a hood on and photoshop my face to her long legs and I’m gonna win the contest.

 

Lewis: So grandstanding now is like more influence marketing if you can find creative ways of people with an audience.

 

Barbara: Or create an audience one by one.

 

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I know you talked about the keys and success for entrepreneurs a lot but for those who hasn’t ever heard you talk about it what are the things that are smart ideas in business right now?

 

Barbara: It’s not my cup of tea to think of an industry that you can certainly, I don’t believe that’s where your head should be, I think your head should be where you enjoy. So, I think what you have to do is think what would suit me? What could I visualize myself doing where I can picture a happy picture of myself and I think most people are capable of dreaming that up, I don’t think it’s an analytical on a left brain kind of thing where you apply yourself at best shot. I think you have to figure out your table which people put their chips. And so for me it took me 20 jobs to find real estate, but the minute I was opening keys, opening the doors and chatting people up and didn’t feel like work and I was lost and I knew I was going to be the queen of New York real estate. I never had that vision when I worked my other 22 jobs and the other thing it’s sort of related to what you asked, I think it’s such wrong thinking that you have to choose your spot, I think it’s like finding out what clothing you look good and go try a lot of shit in the rack and see what works with you. I think you find yourself little by little very hard to shapshoot, not that kind of a thing. And you know often the people know so many entrepreneurs well beyond before shark tank. But you know what made the biggest difference in a [?] a selection of those people that made the biggest difference was they came along someone they worked for and believe in them. Getting one good boss that gives you opportunities worth a million intellectual thoughts, because sometimes you need somebody else to see that light where you are getting to something and never thought you’d be interested and you really love your job. And then that winds up being what you do for a lifetime.

So, I don’t believe that used name in the big industry, that’s more like Mark Cuban stuff, he’s like a high level investment strategy stuff but I’ll put my businesses against him any day because I think I am so good at seeing that talent, who has that magic is where they are.

 

Lewis: If someone is approaching you for investment with you and you could choose only 3 qualities that you would dream that they would have and you can say if they have these 3 qualities it doesn’t matter what business they are at, maybe timing and economy might play a part but if they have these 3 qualities I would bet on them any day.

 

Barbara: That’s what I do in shark tank and I’ve got better at it because I learned, I could think of 2 maybe I’ll come up with a 3^rd if I keep talking.

Number 1 is salesmanship: I have never succeeded with any business where the principle didn’t know how to sell. I mean sales is the guts of every business, if you don’t know sales you’re not in any business it applies to everything. So okay if you’re technology nerd and really technology space but you better have a partner to sell the good shit out of it or you’re not gonna go anywhere. So selling is number 1.

The other thing I look for and maybe sounds weird to you but I learned to be great almost insurance policy. I look for anger in the individual. If I could find someone and this is true of all my successful business interest, if I could find someone who had injury at an early age and has something to prove I got myself a winner. It’s like insurance so when I say injury meaning they [?] at school. I have entrepreneurs hugely successful but never had father and when they went on shark tank they have father after 35 years back, how insulting and [?] them. I have entrepreneurs who were sports figures almost going even professional sports people had an injury but were fiercely competitive if someone wound up in their space, they hate that person.

So, anger and proving is very much part of a lot of successful stories out there, it’s an overcompensation and over proving or over driving. And then I’m coming up with a 3^rd but there’s really other ones and none of them as serious as that, as those 2. You have to be able to sell and if you have injury to prove something is a wonderful insurance policy.

 

Lewis: How important is a positive attitude with those 2 things? Like if you were negative.

 

Barbara: Let me tell you, well there’s negative people. Let me tell you about negative person you will meet them in the entrepreneurial space because they are formal criticizing the next guy, negative people are blood suckers they just suck your energy away. You know the nicest thing I did for all the people that worked with me over the years was get rid of negative people the minute they spotted them. I didn’t care if they had a cause they were out you know why? Because it’s like letting the enemy quietly into you and giving them free ring, negative energy is the enemy especially in sales related businesses. You let a negative person into your salesforce all of a sudden they need a person feel sorry for them. You need to have your criticizers to let you know when you’re off and do better.

 

Lewis: Now sales is number 1 for you if they are great salesman you would bet on them, if they’re great salesmen with something to prove that’s like the golden ticket it sounds like. So does someone train to be a great salesman if they don’t how to? Is this something they can learn or is this something be a part of your energy?

 

Barbara: Well you have questioned about positive that’s the blood that goes through a great salesman. Seeing the positive side of anything and a lot of people are seeing that, it’s just like you show me negative and you know you’re right negative. But I can tell you what the upside of that negative is. So you have a bend toward positive so you must have that to be a salesman, if you don’t you will never be a sale like how hard you try. I think it’s an intrinsic quality personality trait, I know you’re not supposed to say that, I think if you’re incline to be outgoing and positive you can become a better salesperson, but the real phenomenal salespeople that I have worked with and living my whole life during the venues is phenomenal salespeople. I am telling you they come out of the gate maybe not out of the womb but they come out of the adolescent gate as salespeople. It’s very hard to teach it’s an artistic gift to be able to sell really well, but think how complicated it is. You have to read the situation accurately, you have to read the person and think of how you can use them in a way that they want to use themselves and thank you in a thank you note 12 hours later. And you need to think of how that person could be used for your long term goal of a picture you want to create and that’s what great salespeople do. The great salesman I hate to say who I met in my life and spend hours is Donald Trump.

 

Lewis: Really? How so?

 

Barbara: Unbelievable salesman. He can read the vulnerability of people. You walk in a room he can see what’s wrong with you, he could just feel and know accurately what’s wrong with you and how he’s gonna use that to get his way. It’s an instinctive trait, I don’t know if he was out way at 12 but I met him at I guess I worked with him since he was 27, 28 he is just a couple of years older than me and we’re in the same industry and same town so we had so many good dealing with him over the years, until of course the money that I assumed he didn’t like me anymore. But he could sell anyone like anything, I’ve witnessed it again and again first hand and his office and meetings unbelievable salesman. And that’s exactly what he did with the American people.

 

Lewis: What the vulnerability that you look for and how would you use those to get people to buy what he was selling?

 

Barbara: I’m thinking of a million reasons of him using my vulnerability but they are kind of long to tell I guess.

 

Lewis: What is one he used on you and with someone else? The vulnerability they had and what they lean into that.

 

Barbara: Well you know actually scary turf here because I don’t want to do by him, he’s relentless. So for example I saw him into viewing agencies in New York for advertising campaign and I saw him sit out a meeting because I was there judging who’s the best person along with them for development. And I saw him person after person like a beauty contest and then blow up the ego of one team unbelievable what you create and that was all done and then he did the advertising, but now in hindsight he knew that guy was gonna work and flow for free because he needed the ego pet so much. I had a situation where my husband was a navy captain and was sinking along the east coast. So my husband asks me “Why don’t you call Donald Trump and ask him to sink those tanks in there.”  I said I’m not gonna ask him for anything. I finally wrote a note, sent him the note and got hired for a big job, we’re at a big board meeting where like 30 people there every captain of the industry from different trades were there. And then he decided he got what he needed and “Did I tell you guys about the time Barbara wrote the note.” She’s so afraid to ask me that she must have written the note 4 or 5 times. Everybody was looking at me only the week before I was amazing, he was done with me I knew but didn’t want to pay the commission. So that is a cute ability to read vulnerability, how would he know that? To this day I saw him do that over and over. You know when I was selling real estate I can always pick up between the lines between what people say they would buy and what they’d actually buy. So that’s another version of that but on the negative side.

 

Lewis: You did it in a positive way.

 

Barbara: Yeah I could have done a negative way if I had that ability.

 

Lewis: So how did you see this where people can shift what they wanted to something that you can still sell them in a positive way?

 

Barbara: I think most of us if we listen well we can sense it. First of all very often you’re selling couples and a single person and you have time to chat if you get below the person skin and kind of figure out what kind of person you are, very often you know better than they know what’s gonna make them happy. They could be repeating what they appear that they should have, you know where it comes from but get to know them and you’ll reach a conclusion. So, I really found the old slogan buyers are liars is really true, they don’t mean to lie but what you really got to do is in any sales situation really get into the person and ask a lot of question and try it.

 

Lewis: If you were giving 3 questions to ask any potential buyer they came to you and you can only ask them 3 questions to try to figure out who they really were and what they’re really interested in. What would you say maybe 2 or 3 questions that you ask to see what you can get out of them?

 

Barbara: The first question I would ask is when do you need it for? Urgency is 90%. The second question I would ask is when do you need it for and the third is when do you need it for. Because if you have a motivated person who needs something you’ve got a sale. You have time to figure it out but you get instead like a real estate salesman the typically qualifying and all the qualifying form every salesman I ever taught. You need to spend the time to form your own impression of what they’re really going to buy or what is just really where the sale is, where the opportunity is. I mean you need to have the ability to spend time and to read them well. But the one thing you can ask is when you need it for? Because I have more salespeople in the early years spin their wheels endlessly at the high price customers all cash. The need is the most important question you want in any sales situation and any salesman who comes in and doesn’t bet that right away is not a good salesman, I could tell right away.

 

Lewis: That’s good, any type of sale you’re looking for you need to ask that question. What’s the thing you’re most proud of that no one knows about?

 

Barbara: There’s really nothing that people don’t know about.

 

Lewis: What’s the thing that you’re proud of that you’re just proud of the most?

 

Barbara: Well 2 things came to my mind big and small and I’ll give you both. Small but somehow feel so big in my life is when I first got my first profit for running the corporate world and I never made any profit here. I would put that cash back down because I would always reinvest because I want to see how far I can go. But in those years when I finally got my first profit I had about 48,000 dollars and I bought my mother and father car each. I remember at the time they were in so disbelief because we have a clunky old car and stuff in the back, I remember that day and I am so happy I thought of that in the moment because it’s bad, I remember thinking I will never feel more satisfaction or richer than in this moment and something I wish upon myself, but do you know that’s exactly been the truth. I’ve never felt as rich again or as endowed or as lucky or as fulfilled ever again as that moment. That’s was the most satisfying and such. The most overreaching thing I’m most proud about is I prove sister Stella, I still hate that bitch. She was a nun from hell and I later learned that she was buried in the nun yard and that she had a drinking problem, I wish someone had told me that as a kid that she had a drinking problem. Who knew that nuns drink other than Sunday, and of course we were raised by nuns in our catholic school and they were all great except for the one I had. So, I’m so proud that her messaging to me that I’d always be stupid just because I couldn’t read and that I didn’t let that determine my life because I had a hard time getting over that. But the idea that I’ve proven again and again, and now it’s a weird thing kind of very thankful to her, because I think because of her I tried so hard. So really if she was kind of like early version of Ramone Simone, she played that role and I am so thankful that I got over that mostly because not only did I have success [?] but mostly because I keep that message go out to all these dumb kids at school. It’s such a sad thing that kids have to find out how they do in school, and yet most successful people I know build their own stuff weren’t good in school.

 

Lewis: Most successful entrepreneurs have lower IQ or average IQ right?

 

Barbara: I don’t really know. What I really mean by that is you know that rejection card is a big kahuna in building anything in life not just business. So they are too stupid to lay low and smack about, you know most people gets punched and lay low and I don’t want to get punch. So that takes a certain lack of intelligence I think.

 

Lewis: I’m curious you talked about this the first $40,000 I think you said. If someone is an entrepreneur right now and they say this is their biggest year ever and they have a bunch of cash later. What should they do with that extra money? How should they reinvest it to continue to grow?

 

Barbara: 2 things I thought right away: Number 1 they shouldn’t have that money. If you’re really serious about building a business to put in the pedal to the metal you’re spending the money. So the idea like I made a mistake that one year I made a profit. But you should really have any money coming in over aggressively targeted towards something that you do well, and I think the best place to put the money and I work with my entrepreneurs all the time with this and if they’re not selling client, most people want to put in the money on a new idea, a new version or a new this. The best place to put the money is what has worked, where have you got your sales. But people don’t do that people always like the new stuff.

 

Lewis: Showing you out and building this relationship yourself.

 

Barbara: Whatever has worked for you before you keep repeating and I just think the money shouldn’t be there the first place. You know my whole life I open offices bigger than any business I have, the minute I had sales the company had started seeing that we’re doing well and I started smelling a profit like we might get a profit, I was out looking for office space. And if I needed 18 desk I go out looking for 36 and I plunk the money down, because I found that when you, through your money in advance you find a way to make it work. If you wait till the time is right wait till you have the profit, guess what there’s a smarter guy out there already putting the money.

 

Lewis: So invest in the back of the thing that’s worked for you until it doesn’t work anymore,

 

Barbara: And more than you think you can handle because human beings are talented especially entrepreneurs are remarkable on making things work and the guns on their head and on their fire, but give them a lot of leeway and let them plot that they start to go to sleep, it’s really not healthy for a business.

 

Lewis: The pressure that allows you to really have more urgency and make it happen.

 

Barbara: Well you’re a football player you play better in a game or practice?

 

Lewis: Game. Okay you said there were 2 things.

 

Barbara: 2 things that I wanted to say was you shouldn’t have the money, it should be spent way in advance and the 2^nd thing is spend it on stuff that’s worth before

 

Lewis: I got a few questions left for you, I don’t want to stop this but I want to make sure to respect your time. Okay final few questions I wish I had more time but you have an amazing podcast called ‘Business unusual.’ And I just started listening to a few episodes.

 

Barbara: I’m making it longer due to popular demand.

 

Lewis: You have this 10 minute episodes that are beautifully done because you teach a powerful story and lesson and do Q&A, so I think it’s really well done. This is one of the few questions I am curious about you, when do you feel the most pain?

 

Barbara: Well business has never cause me any pain at all, I mean even the toughest of times somehow I always felt I would make it and so that gets you over a lot of pain if you could see the finish line and it’s always clear to me where the finish line was. So the worst times I didn’t really feel pain free of stress and you’re free of responsibility because you’re feeding a lot of people and think about it, you don’t want their jobs going away. So, I felt the responsibility and pressure of that but the only error I haven’t feel pain my entire life is over my children. I’m not a warrior by nature but with regard to my children I am and I’m always and I have great kids and they are doing well so it makes no sense whatsoever, but I am always feeling like I had no control there and I’m scared to death that they won’t have the fabulous life as I have and I don’t mean about monetarily, because I think that’s another old issue you can really wreck kids with money. So it’s not that it’s just I want them to feel the satisfaction and the joy of accomplishing on their own, having truthful good friend and having people that loves them. And I’m always over concerned about it and fearful about it it’s a terrible thing. Now my youngest is 13 and my oldest is 24 maybe late but not so late, maybe I need a good shrink because I do worry about that if that’s the closest I feel to pain like I struck to think the worst and yet there’s no reason for it.

 

Lewis: That’s fascinating.

 

Barbara: Not fascinating it’s ridiculous.

 

Lewis: I think it’s fascinating that’s where you feel most pain and the most loved too with your kids. You feel most pain and most love in the same place.

 

Barbara: That’s not fair.

 

Lewis: I’m curious how do you raised kids when you have money? When you have lots of money or abundance of money or more than most people in the neighborhood or how do you raised?

 

Barbara: Well number 1 you have to realize there’s a lot of things those kids are never gonna have which is the satisfaction of doing it themselves. So in that way the rich kids get the shorter end of the stick.

 

Lewis: They have an unfair advantage by having an advantage?

 

Barbara: Well, yes if you can follow that logic then I agree with you. And so there are a couple of areas I think I focus on but still I worry and I have a 23 year old [?], but he was easy to raised so I got lucky. But I did keep my eyes on a couple of balls which I think a lot of my peers’ other rich in the New York area especially, I think they helped too much I don’t help my kids unless they ask. So the extra tutors the specialize training it can be the cool look all of that I resist it. And then another version of that but more powerful is I let them fail which is the hardest thing in the world for a parent. So, if someone like for example I watch a very big difference, I would have my son come home and complain about his time. So I think as an [?] parent you may give your kids everything that they have wanted to earn on their own, they’ve already have the fancy vacation and lovely car. But then on top of that you have an ability to confidence because you don’t shelter their failing, you’re there to catch them. And then the last thing is don’t shepherd them the way you see them. So I really try to hold back it’s self-discipline thing, so it’s more of what you do than what you don’t do.

 

Lewis: That’s powerful. I had Sarah Blakely on and she said that her dad had dinner table every day and would ask her what did she fail at. Like every day he asked the question. So he made it like a daily requirement to fail at something. I think that’s powerful to let your kids fail.

 

Barbara: And she’s a self-made woman with huge success.

 

Lewis: This is called the 3 truths. Imagine you have as many years left on this world to live but for whatever reason you got to pick the day for you. You’ve accomplished everything but one day you got to go and everything you ever created you got to take with you. All your podcast, books you got to take it all with you, so no one has your message that you’ve shared anymore. But you have a piece of paper and a pen to write down 3 things you know to be true about all your experiences, your whole life lessons and these 3 things you share with the world. What would you say your 3 things?

 

Barbara: The first thing that I thought of is that people are wonderful, the other thing part of that is that you have to see the light in people. You have a happier life you have a more fulfilled life. And maybe 3: the complainers the people that say that bring you down, that don’t have a sense of humor, in fact maybe I’d replaced it get rid with clunkers and make sure you surround yourself with people who know how to laugh. I only have friends that have a sense of humor. I learned years ago because I get great opportunities to have new friendships and I bring new friends in my life, I don’t know how I [?] them in but my criteria after I’ve been with the ones. If they don’t have a sense of humor I end it right there, because people with sense of humor bring a whole bag of delicious things with them, big hearted. So if you could just qualify they have a sense of humor and you wind up with a lot of good people in your life and you wind up as a result of that with a great life, because think about what’s more important in life than what you surround yourself?

 

Lewis: I love those; those are great truths. You have one more?

 

Barbara: No, no.

 

Lewis: Well, I want to acknowledge you Barbara for constantly showing up consistently. You’ve been consistently a fun hearted over the last decade, I’ve been watching you on TV. You’ve been consistently creating big results in everything you touch or seemingly everything you touch and you continually a huge giver. I love that you show up, you don’t have to do the work you’re doing, you made a lot of money and success but you constantly show up.

 

Barbara: Don’t credit me for that I am very selfish, I enjoy it so much it’s self-serving. Don’t make it look like I’m here to give.

 

Lewis: Well, I acknowledge you for everything you do it’s amazing.

 

Barbara: They can follow me where I’m a big mouth. But the most important thing is if they’re going to watch business unusual, tell me what you like and don’t like about it, it’s still in the motion of being invented. You’ve been there a long time.

 

Lewis: 6 years. So business unusual check it out on podcast.

 

Barbara: I’ll give everyone who listens to Barbara’s Podcast 10 bucks if you write to me.

 

Lewis: My final question is what’s your definition of greatness?

 

Barbara: Always really try everything in your power to just try harder, to see it over again whatever it is.

 

Lewis: Thank you very much.

 

Barbara: My pleasure.

 

Lewis: There you have it my friends such an inspiring and eye opening interview with Barbara Corcoran, I love in the beginning where I got to get her uncomfortable and open up a little bit about relationships because she told me afterwards she was like “I wish you would have asked more business stuff early on because I wasn’t prepared.” And I said “That’s exactly what I was gonna go into.” And I think by her doing that we really allowed herself to open up in a big way and share some powerful insights. So I hope you enjoyed this one and make sure to share with your friends lewishowes.com/766. Tag Barbara on Instagram and take a screenshot of this and tag myself @lewishowes. Make sure to check her podcast as well business unusual. Again, she’s got some inspiring stuff and story insights over there and I’m really enjoying her show.

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A big thank you to our sponsors and a big thank you to all of you, we continue to grow this podcast we are almost at a 100 million downloads. We’re not there yet but we’re getting very close and it’s all because of you, so I want to thank you so much for constantly showing up or constantly listening and constantly sharing these episodes. We are always looking to grow at the school of greatness, we’re always looking to improve to find the best talent to bring on to interview, to find the best information to help you solve life’s greatest challenges and optimize your greatness inside of you. So, we appreciate the support. We’ve got 766 episodes we’ve got some incredible guest coming up very soon that I can’t wait to share with you so I thank you all for all your support.

And as Bill Gates said in the beginning “Find to celebrate success but it’s more important to heed the lessons of failure.” Look at your life the last 6 months and ask yourself what are some of the smallest or biggest failures you’ve had? Really reflect on those, reflect on how you can improve from those mistakes or failures you’ve made, see what you can do moving forward so you don’t make those same mistakes or failures again. It’s okay to fail it’s a necessary step on the path to success, just make sure you don’t do the same failures over and over again, be aware of them give yourself the feedback you need and start moving forward with positive action towards your dreams. I love you so very much and you know what it is, it’s time to go out there and do something great.